am i being unreasonable

[landofoz]

Just wanted to know if there was any other single parents out there and if they have experienced any thing similiar to what Im feeling. I think I am being unreasonable but cant help the way It makes me feel. My ex and I are seperated I left which was the hardest thing I have ever done, which I feel guilty about every day. The children are with me and ex has them every weekend and whenever he wants to see them. He is a good father and the children adore him especially our son, which is fantastic this is all you could ever wish for. But the heart wrenching thing for me is that my son wont let me near him when he is with his father not even for a cuddle. It was my choice to leave but I felt the situation was unbearable and not the right enviroment to bring the children up. just feeling completely torn up inside.Thanks for listening.xxx.

Do you mean are you being unreasonable to feel upset? No.

Is he ok the rest of the time?

What does your ex say when he wont come to you?

How old is he?

Surely it is just the usual children wanting what they can't have. My poor husband is having to put up with our girls completely cold-shouldering him at the moment, simply because we have recently switched roles - he is now a stay at home dad and I'm the full-time worker.

So because they see less of me, whenever I AM there all the time they try to insist on me sitting next to them at the table, or dressing them, putting them to bed, etc.

The rest of the time he is fine, he is only 3years. I think its me being over sensitive as the ex had him for a couple of days and as my daughter at school so she couldnt go, but I just felt there was a bit of split between us all.

When I See my ex it raises so many emotions inside me like Im not good enough and i begin to doubt my self and come away feeling really down.

Thankyou for replying so quick. I have to go out so wont be able to reply to you again until tomorrow.xxx

thanks parakeet - your right. I think cause we seperated and I feel bad about that, I can over look into things. And as we both have our own ways of dealing with the children when we all meet together it takes a little time to adjust to each other.

I´m not a single parent, but whenever Daddy is here, I don´t get a look in.

If I offer to help with something-no, rather do it with Daddy

As parakeet says, it´s because they see you all the time!

hey diddl,feeling better already. Thanks for taking the time to relply.x

my ds is 3 too, and i am separated from his dad. i get almost overcome with jealousy about how much he loves his dad, and he cries when he gets brought back to me quite often, which rips at my heart. Mostly because i feel so bad about him not having both his parents with him all the time. I console myself with the thought that he probably asks for me a lot when he's at his dad's, and sometimes cries when the handover is the other way round, especially when he's tired.

We've tried to change handover times so that he's not tired when we do it as that seems to make it so much more difficult for him, but ultimately i think this kind of thing is a byproduct of having two homes and we just have to live with it and not show our pain to our kids. i try to sympathise with ds as much as i can when he's upset because he wants his daddy, and not let him see that it upsets me.

i think as they get older it will get easier.

I cease to exist for my DCs (also 3yo) when their daddy is around! They spend most of their time with me when DH works, so I guess they just want to make the most of him when he's around at weekends. I try not to take it personally!

Your DS probably just clings to his dad a bit when he's around because he doesn't see him as much as you and is still perhaps adjusting to the two of you being apart? Doesn't mean he doesn't love you just as much, just that his little brain is still figuring things out. I'm sure it will get easier with a bit of time. Just make up for it with lots of cuddles when you're together.

thanks everyone for all the good advice. It is upsetting seeing him like this. For instance tonight he was so upset and cross with me, he wouldnt get his pj`s on, telling me to go away, leave him alone, wanted Daddy.
His Dad was still here as he brought them back, so he put him to bed. Spoke to ex about it and told me he was as good as gold with him, no tears or tantrums.

Went up to see little one and he got all upset again as ex had gone home. Like you say with time I hope he will begin to understand its alot for a little one to take in. I suppose the other thing is they do loads of fun things and get lots of presents at the weekend ( which is great ), but when they back with me its back to the routine of early nights, school and nursery - maybe not so fun.

I know how you feel, DD worships her dad and soon to be step-mum. She comes home after a weekend with them and tells me I'm a bad mummy 'cause I don't let her stay up until 11pm (she is 3yo fgs!)
Just think, your ex doesn't have him all the time and if he did I guess he would have similar rules to yours regarding routines and DS wouldn't worship him so much.

Its tough being a parent, its an emotional rollercoaster for sure!! I think its lovely that both my children love there Dad so much, its the only it should be. Just so upsetting to see little one upset. Anyway Im going to stop going on about it now.

Thanks every one for replying its really helped.xxx.

Its tough being a parent, its an emotional rollercoaster for sure!! I think its lovely that both my children love there Dad so much, its the only it should be. Just so upsetting to see little one upset. Anyway Im going to stop going on about it now.

Thanks every one for replying its really helped.xxx.

Oh, yes, DS is a real daddy's boy: when he is crying at night and I go in, DS calls for him (nice), and so on.

However, DH says that when he goes in to DS at night, he immediately starts calling for "Mummy", so perhaps he wants both of us, at the same time!