to feel ganged up on a bit? (a bit long, sorry)

[SerendipitousHarlot]

Sorry this might be a bit long - but I don't want to drip feed if I can help it.

A couple of weeks ago my sister asked me to go and stay with them for my nephews 16th birthday, which is today. I explained I couldn't, for various reasons, including work, money etc, but she badgered me a bit, and I will admit it pissed me off a little.

A couple of days later, seemingly out of the blue, I get a call from my mum - telling me that I am negelecting my family - not making enough effort to visit, etc - you get the picture. I took it all on the chin - admitted that I was a bit shit at keeping in touch, but also defended my position as the only one that works full time and doesn't drive (they live 150 miles away, btw).

On Wednesday, dd received a letter from my sister, which I read
It was extremely manipulative, and pretty much the whole letter was asking my dd (12) to persuade me to visit more, how much we're all missed, blah blah. No mention, or any interest shown about my dd either.

So. I lost it. Wrote them both a letter explaining that I was pretty angry, and that I feel like they're mounting some sort of campaign to make me do their bidding - and it's not on.

Now they've both really turned on me It's got really personal. To the point that I've turned my mobile off before I say something I'll regret.

How do you handle this? This is all so out of character for me - I'm not confrontational really, least of all with family. But I'm not a doormat either.

Do I just leave it? Carry on fighting? What?

Thanks.

It's not childish at all, and don't beat yourself up by saying (or even thinking) that it is. For your mum to be defending your sister after what she did is plain wrong, and makes her almost as bad. Though you said she doesn't believe your sister sent the letter - maybe send a photocopy to your mum so she knows what was said. It sounds a bit like stirring, but if she's actively defending your sister against you, she should know both sides of the story. And if she was just lying to you, well, she'll have to come clean, because she won't be able to claim ignorance. Either way, you'll have a clearer picture of what's going on between them.

But keep your chin up. Family disputes are awful, but at least the geography means they aren't banging on your door or trying to see your DD while she's at school. Okay, it doesn't make it any easier to know that, but try and find at leat one positive thing. If you've had issues that go right back, maybe this will be the point where you begin to address them. There is light at the end of the tunnel, so don't keep dwelling on everything more than you have to.