no support :(

[kentDee]

I am getting married this summer to a lovely man and we have a dd together. We have been together for many years and planned to marry last year but I fell pregnant, so this year it will take place. When my parents found out I was expecting they were mortified. They are irish catholics and totally disapproved of a child out of wedlock. They didnt speak to me for a month after they found out, which really hurt. They rarely see their grandchild now and to tell you the truth Im tired of trying with them. I had no support from them throughout and after my pregnancy, and now with all the planning of our big day they are still not interested. Its getting me down so much recently that I feel I dont want to even get married. Im a 30 year old woman so why do I still seek the support from my Mother????

I am sorry that your mother is being so hurtful.What was your relationship with her like before you became pg ?

We were really close, but she has always been closer to my older sister. They live near each other so they spend alot of time together. My mum wasnt there when I went into labour and to this day she still doesnt understand why I would have wanted her there.

Crikey, you poor thing!!

take it from me,it's them who are missing out.

Yes, but it doesnt make it any easier.

Dunno what to say but I am going through something similar, mil does not acknowledge my dc.

for some reason I always send cards, photos etc, I suggest trying at least that to keep the lines of communication open.

i think there has to be a cut off point though or the balance of control is forever tipped in their favour.

tis not good for the soul.
that goes for the OP and nebs... they're the one's missing out on everything. fuck them.

Its very true what you say blinks- my oh is forever telling me to stop trying with them. If they cant be bothered to make the effort why should I etc.

Focus on people who are there for you, your dp and your friends. Make the wedding about you guys and if your family want to join in fine, if not - still fine. You can have a wonderful day without them, you have your own family now.

parental dissaproval is such a tricky thing to deal with because you become almost programmed to strive for their approval...

you need reconditioning. try to work on accepting the relationship as it is today, not what it could be.

we can't all have the supportive and loving parental relationship that we'd like. some parents are knobbers who can't get past their own small mindedness... don't let their failings drag you down and taint a lovely thing.

by not listening to your DP, and doing what's worse for your emotional well being, the foundations of your relationship will become undermined in the long run. work on strengthening the relationships in your life and put energy into making them as good as they can be.

I struggled with this for quite some time as well. I've finally reached the point where I have had to accept that my mum and I are never going to have that lovely "mum-daughter" relationship that would mean she was supportive and the like. It just isn't going to happen. For years, it was like beating my head against a wall trying, then years of nursing an open wound because I couldn't understand her. Now I realise I may never understand why, I just have to deal with it and move on. I think it's at least less stressful to me now that I'm not trying.

I struggled with this for quite some time as well. I've finally reached the point where I have had to accept that my mum and I are never going to have that lovely "mum-daughter" relationship that would mean she was supportive and the like. It just isn't going to happen. For years, it was like beating my head against a wall trying, then years of nursing an open wound because I couldn't understand her. Now I realise I may never understand why, I just have to deal with it and move on. I think it's at least less stressful to me now that I'm not trying.

oh, sorry - duplicate message - not sure what happened there.