to be a bit pissed off with my friend

[Chooster]

My pal and I have been best friends for about 12 years but 5 yrs ago I moved 250 miles away to where my DH is from so we can raise the DC there. My friend and I made great promises of seeing each other every 6 weeks or so but you know how it is - we've each got 2 kids each so its hard. But we always chat on the phone and we still feel closer to each other than any other friend we see more regularly. I've probably made about 5 trips to see her and she's been up once.

We've still got quite a few friends where we used to live so are excitedly planning a road trip in half term (2 wks time) and staying with 4 sets of friends. Anyway, my best friend sent me a text last night asking if we could stay in a hotel when we are due to stay with them as they are still playing musical beds as their youngest is 8 months old. I called but got voice mail so left a message to say that we would all be happy in one of the 2 downstairs rooms as we are coming armed with blowup beds so we could all camp away from them upstairs - I did say a hotel is not a problem as well though, not meaning it but was a bit taken aback and didn't want her to feel awkward. Anyway she texts again this morning to say that one of the rooms down stairs it filled with boxes and she often ends up downstairs in the other room if the little one is not sleeping to let her DH rest as he's busy at work.

A hotel would be OK but its not the same as chilling with a glass of wine once the kids are in bed and just mooching around in the morning have a nice relaxed chat over a cup of tea and toast . Also my DH lost his job in december so I dont really want to be forking out for 2 nights in a hotel.

Am i being unreasonable to be pissed off that we are making this effort with 2 young kids and they can't risk her DH being tired for one or 2 nights if the baby is restless and they stay upstairs. By the way the baby has her own room, as does their older daughter and her DH has only recently been away on a ski trip with his mates so he can't be that busy at work.

I know its her house and her decision but I know I wouldn't do that... so, am i being unreasoable?

Not sure I understand who is touring around visiting the 4 different friends? Is it you and your friend from years ago, with your 2 kids each, and/or also with dh's? How large is the visiting group?

Is the one who prefers not to have it in her home the one you planned it all out with?
It was probably difficult for her to suggest that you stay in a hotel, and I would not press her on it.

I'm afraid yabu, we've got dd (3) and ds (19 weeks) + me with chronic insomnia and a dh with a snoring problem. We rotate between all the rooms of our 3 bed house most nights! I cannot think of anything worse than having a family stay. When our friends have been up to see us they've had the foresight to book a hotel without even asking us as they know staying here would be too much.

And 8 months is still v young, babies that age are often still up several times a night. The last thing they need is a friend putting pressure on them and the extre chore of sorting a room out on top of just managing to get through each day, that's how I feel at the moment anyway.

Thing is - what you would do or could cope with is very differnt from what she can manage. As her friend it's your job just to roll with that. I expect she feels rubbish about asking this - so show her how strong your friendship is by not making a big deal of it and having a good time anyway. In 20 years time you want to be going on holiday to the Caribbean with these people without your blessed children Don't blow it over a blow up bed in the lounge versus a family room in a travelodge!

TMJ - I think they each have two dcs under 5yrs

OP, I also think that you are BU.

Some people happily have visitors, others get stressed out by them.

For whatever reason (seemingly lack of sleep) your friend just can't cope with you all staying at the moment.

As a good friend, you have a right to be disappointed by not staying, but should respect that she cannot do it at the moment.

Your lives are in different places right now.

If you insist on staying, she could end up resenting you, which will not help your friendship longterm.

Put your disappointment to one side and listen to her. You can still enjoy the visit from a hotel.

I can understand you being disappointed, I think its a bit crap of her not to put herself out just for a couple of nights.I would never do this to a good friend and if I really had to I would ring not text to tell them and would offer to pay for the hotel. Hope you still enjoy your stay though.

I think you're getting quite a hard time OP, YANBU to feel disappointed that you're not staying with her - I moved away from close friends and any time we go to visit/they stay with us, the host opens home/cupboards etc and tries to make their time away from home with kids as easy as possible. I appreciate some people may be in a situation where they are unable to cope with house guests, but if it was a best friend I would expect to know the reasons and then would fully sympathise. I take it the visiting dates were agreed in advance. I'd feel sad at this situation too. You aren't sniping at her/stressing her out/making demands, you're just taken aback that she isn't welcoming you, her close friend, into her chaos and her life. 2 nights. I don't think that's unreasonable. If I felt I couldn't host my friend for some specific reason I would say from the start - we should do this another time/things are tricky/are you sure you still want to come. Hope you still have a nice trip and maybe she'll confide in you when you see her. Good idea to go out for a girls night.

Hee hee, just realised this is an oooooold post, not sure how I ended up on this thread! Sure my advice will be very, ahem, useful :)