to be really pissed of when dp asks me "are you going to tidy the kitchen today?"

[RemyMartin]

Who the fuck does he think normally does it? But because I didn't do it yesterday and the dishwasher needs emptying/filling he feels the need to comment on it. I say please don't say that it really winds me up. He says he is just saying and will not go through life being afraid to say anything. I am now being horrible to ds (no excuse for this I know)

But it makes my blood boil!

YANBU.

Don't take it out on DS though!

Thanks, I actually feel a lot calmer now. I might do this more often. 3

Urghhh DH does this to me al the time, it makes me NOT want to do it.

He also says when he leaves to take DS1 to school, 'get DS2 ready for playgroup yea?'

What like I have done every single morning for a YEAR, you.do.not.have.to.tell.me.to.do.this!

I have to tidy the kitchen too; am putting it off. Would have been v cross if DP had mentioned it though!

Instead he vaguely says each evening "Sorry I haven't done the dishes" and then about once a week, does them. Except for the inevitable "bad dish" which he leaves on the side (usually blender jug, or something similar). No dishwasher here so have to do PITA items by hand.

He is working v hard though just now, and I am not

I know disenchanted3 it makes me want to explode the kitchen so when he comes home ther is just mangled wreckage instead of a reasonably clean and tidy kitchen like normal. There are no comments made about all the things that just get done magically.

Flippin heck MN'ers are your partners usually this horrible Remy and Disenchanted? What a thing to say!

Dorothea, I know I am lucky to be at home with not too much to do. I do also work part time though, but generally am quite relaxed. But I almost always do it, why does he have to mention it?

I think he said it in front of his colleague as well which made me madder!

Why doesn't he tidy the kitchen?

I have to nag DH to do things, but he will eventually. I don't think he does it on purpose, he just doesn't notice things like I do or put two and two together.

E.g. this morning there was a big basket of clean washing on the kitchen floor. "Are these clean?" he says. I say yes, he rummages through for some socks then disappears upstairs with them. Leaving the basket behind. "Hello, take the rest of it with you!".

No I do agree, like I said, you are not being U; I don't think he should mention it! I would instinctively think "Well maybe I won't, then what?"

Also agree there are many things done "by magic" that do not attract comment ...

Well I suppose because he works full time and I work part time, and I am off work this week. But he could do a bit more. I wouldn't mind if he just kept his trap shut though.

Make him do more.

Presumably you're looking after DC while you're not working? If the kitchen has needed cleaning since yesterday why didn't he think to do it?

I agree with GhoulsAreLoud I would flip this question around.

Q: Are you going to tidy the kitchen today?
A: Why are you?

Good question Ghouls. I suppose I see it as part of my job as I am mainly at home.
But apparently I need a supervisor

It just wouldn't work though. He would say he's already working full time six days a week, which I suppose is fair enough really. I don't mind doing it, I just wish he would not say anything about it.

i REALLY DON'T THINK SAYING 'GET ds READY FOR PLAYGROUP' (oops) is horrible,

annoying but not horrible?

But is is deliberately annoying or is it a genuine question, that's what I can't work out.

It would really piss me off, yanbu.

Try telling him how to do HIS job and see how he likes it.

Maybe you should ask him constantly about parts of his job. Have you done that report yet? Have you called your boss yet?

Mine has done this before... not recently he needs to stay alive.

you need a discussion on what chores are going to be his

dh does the recyclin, takes the bins out on bin day, stacks dishwasher if i cook, cleans the bedroom once a fotnight, hangs up clothes i have washed.

if he says anything again tell him to get fucked - if he's that bothered he can do it himself.

The answer to that question is to lightly fling a j cloth at him and say 'nope, you are, dumbass' as you walk out the door to have a leisurely lunch/trip to gym/nice day out.

And then let out a huge fart in his general direction as you leave, you show your contempt.

Thanks everyone, I see it's not just me then. The problem is as well he will swear blck is white to win an argument, so I do avoid confrontation with him, as I really can't stand it. I am slowly learning how to handle it though, but I really do think this must be calculated to wind me up.

so your learning to be submissive?

leave him a list of chores which are now his.

dont do any washing or ironing of his - he's a grown up he can work it out.

I actually say similar things to DH - but we've always had clearly defined housework things, and all kitchen stuff is his. We have a tiny kitchen and he'll leave the washing up for a day and then every surface will be covered and it's impossible to do anything! It's really frustrating, and dirty dishes and surfaces don't seem to bug him at all, but they do me - but they're not my jobs.