AIBU to be so emotional today?

[Bunnyjo]

Sorry, I will warn you all... It is a very long one that I need to get off my chest.

OK, a little history. DD came down with chickepox on Boxing Day when I was 10.5wks pregnant. I went to the GP as I cant remember suffering CP as a child and had my immunity tested and it came back as positive. So we all relax...

Until 2wks later; 4wk today I started miscarrying. I ended up being an emergency admittance to hospital because I was haeomorraging. They put me on nil by mouth for 9hrs while they decided what to do with me as they feared I was losing too much blood. Whilst I was in hospital I developed chickenpox and asked how that was possible. The gynae and communicable diseases doctor visited me on ward and explained that CP can be caught more than once and that is the most possible cause for miscarrying as everything else was healthy... So after a couple of days, I was discharged to be given USS (ultrasound) 1 week later.

I went to my appointment (as the cp had crusted) and had to wait 2hrs 20mins after my appointment time! Whilst I waited, other mums were coming out with gleaming scan piccys and smiling. I wanted to die inside. Well anyways, 2hrs 20 mins AFTER my appointment time the consultant called me in. He asked about pain which I explained, then he asked about bleeding, which I explained. Then he said 'OK, you can go now.' No scan, no bloods NOTHING! I felt so deflated and unable to ask for anything. The sucker punch came when he asked as I was at the door if I had contraception sorted... We had been trying to conceive for 15mth before the BFP and I was absolutely devastated... I muttered something about seeing my GP and fled in tears. I STILl haven't been scanned at any time and this whole episode (pregnancy, miscarry and loss) seems so unreal.

It only now, really, that I am beginning to feel so angry towards everything that happened. I burst into tears when I remembered it was 4wk today that I was in gynae miscarrying... AIBU or should I be getting over it more quickly?

So sorry for the down feeling post.

Awwwww bunnyJo. (((((HUGS)))) Massive ones. No I don't see how you can be 'over it' that quickly. It took me until about 3 weeks after when my due date was to even start to try to THINK about it. The consultant had the bedside manner of a malarial gnat. Did they not see you at a separate clinic? If you need to talk, I'm usually around from about 7/8pm, and also usually for a bit during the day. Even more (((((HUGS))))

Bunnyjo firstly, i'm so sorry for your loss and read most of your post with my hand over my mouth. very that they didn't give you an ultrasound and would be complaining to my gp and the hospital.

what you are feeling is completely normal, you are going through different stages of grieving.

Sending you lots of hugs Bunnyjo not sure what to say but didnt want to read and run.
x x x x

As littlelozz...

Oh, what a dreadful time you've had, I'm so sorry and shocked for you and for your family.

There is the queestion, what's the difference between God and a Consultant...God doesn't think he's a consultant..
Anyway, hideous little man should be ashamed of himself for the way he's (mis)treated you and once you feel better you might want to think about registering a complaint.

In the meantime lovey, be gentle with yourself and you take whatever time you need to get through this, it can't be measured by anyone except yourself.
Take care and have some more hugs from me
xxMade

YANBU. I'm sorry for your loss. After my (first) miscarriage, i had a nurse call me to give me my blood test results from just before the miscarriage started. She was like - ooh, congratulations, your HCG levels are sky-high!
A day or so later I was back at work, out at a meeting with a pregnant contact who kept telling me how I simply must give it a go myself.
the emotions can stay raw for a very long time but hopefully you will feel better soon.

you poor thing. give yourself time to get over this. go back to the doctor when you are ready and talk about what happened.

take care.

Oh God, poor you. You are being completely and utterly normal. I miscarried and I just remember feeling unbelievably bleak. The rest of the world had gone back to business as usual as if nothing had happened. It seemed outrageous.

As for the doctor, usual insensitive git but the condom question is one he is required to ask. Nothing to do with him or you, even if it is mind bogglingly unfeeling.

Maybe people aren't mentioning things because they don't want to upset you. How is DH coping. Maybe he feels the same but doesn't feel he can say anything. You could write it all down (easier than saying it out loud) and give it to him.

For goodness sake take your time. I holed up with cocoa and weepy films for weeks. Be really nice to yourself.

I am so sorry to hear your news. You have had a heartbreaking time. For what its worth, you are not alone.

I have had two miscarriages one at 11 weeks and one at 12 weeks. The first miscarriage was heartbreaking and my experience was made worse by my treatment at hospital. I lost a lot of blood - had to stay overnight in hospital. They were rude and insensitive - it was awful.

When I went home and began to feel very very very angry, a mixture of hormone changes and shock at what I had been through. I took me some time to recover from the event.

When I had miscarriage number two (went to a different hospital), I will never forget walking out of the scan room, in floods of tears and through the waiting room, full of excited parents. I was their worst fear. I felt ashamed, embarrassed and heartbroken. However, the hospital staff were amazing. So tender and sweet. I recovered surprising quickly and went on to have another baby.

You have been through so much, so quickly. Give your mind and your heart some time to heal. There is no script you need to follow - you may have good days and bad days - but you will be fine in the end.

Thank you all so much for your incredibly kind comments. I cried and cried all through the night and I look like a panda with red eyes this morning!

I guess I thought I was getting over everything, but I probably was just trying to and in reality just bottling it all up. I think part of me still can't believe everything has gone, because of the fact I wasn't scanned and my cycle hasn't returned. So there is a part of me that hopes and expects someone to say that it was all a bad dream and I am still pregnant.

Thank you all again xxx

Oh and to add, DH is being absolutely wonderful. He is being so sensitive and caring and I am truly grateful for that. A friend is coming round for coffee today and is already bringing cream cakes and a box of tissues. I am really lucky to have a good support network that is helping me through this.

Again, thank you all for making me realise I am not some stupid hormonal twit and that my feelings are all completely natural xxx

talk to your gp about a scan it might help (to coin a dreadful americanism) with closure. i know all about that secret hope.

Oh Bunny, could not read and not post

Of course it's natural to feel as you do. Glad you have loving people around you to help ease the pain x

Thank you ladies. I think you're right Eleanora, I should request a scan - it might make it easier for me to accept and begin to move on xxx