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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to avoid phone calls from my best friends...?

21 replies

ilovedfatbrian · 03/02/2010 21:02

i used to LOVE spending hours on the phone, curled up on the sofa, chatting to my girlfriends of an evening. Since having my DD, now 3, and going back to work, I'm knackered in the evenings, and I avoid the phone. I just don't answer it. Does anyone else do this? I'm worried that I'm going to lose touch with my old girlfriends. The thought is there, I just can't bring myself to chat anymore. Corrie is about as much as I can manage of an evening. Is this just a phase???

OP posts:

Spannerweb · 03/02/2010 21:05

No, not at all. Looking back, I wonder how the hell I managed to spend so long wittering on about God knows what.

Do they have kids too?

Ohforfoxsake · 03/02/2010 21:06

Dunno. But thats exactly what I do.

I have very little of interest to talk about for hours on end, let alone the inclination to do it.

What is important is that you catch up in other ways and make it count. No matter how infrequently, it must be regularly.

Poochierama · 03/02/2010 21:08

I do this sometimes. My friends always ring me between 6-8pm, which is when I guess they have a nice relaxing sit down after work.

I'm usually dealing with a tired tantruming toddler, trying to get her fed and into bed

Original poster

ilovedfatbrian · 03/02/2010 21:12

Spannerweb, most of them don't have kids yet, but some do. They all just seem more organised than me, and aren't crashed out by 8pm!

Ohforfox, you've hit the nail on the head. It's more that I don't really know what to talk about any more. No more wild nights out or big adventures! FB is great for me, as I can send the odd e-mail or comment, but I don't have to talk to stay in touch. I just feel that if it continues like this, we will drift apart, which I really don't want to happen.

OP posts:

Honeypeckle · 03/02/2010 21:14

I do this and DS is only 7 months... I too am worried about losing friends!

LeninGrad · 03/02/2010 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ilovedfatbrian · 03/02/2010 21:26

true, if it's a good time, i can still do a two-hourer!! ok, you're making me feel slightly less unsociable!! thanks!

OP posts:

lambanana · 03/02/2010 21:35

Thats what texts are for!

A good single no kids friend of mine will quite literally talk for hours but I compromise by texting back and forth with her while I lie on the couch and watch telly for an hour or so instead.

Spannerweb · 03/02/2010 21:35

To be honest, I think what bugs me is talking about stuff on the phone and on a regular basis. I?d rather save it up for a night out when you can just relax, have a few bevies and get engrossed in whatever it is you?re talking about.

Plus, I spend the best part of my day on the phone and having to be polite, pleasant and patient with folk. I use it all up there so have little time for chitchat and pleasantries when I get home!

lambanana · 03/02/2010 21:37

OP I love your name! It reminded me that once ilovedthinbrian

overmydeadbody · 03/02/2010 21:41

I do this sometimes, especially when I know I won't be able to invest properly in the conversation and would therefore not be a very supportive friend, but when I do have the opportunity and they call at a good time I love chatting.

What I do now if they phone and I'm too busy/tired/zonked out or preoccupied I will answer and after a breif nice convo I will let them know that it's not a good time and give them another time that is good, and then make sure I call back then and properly listen to then and talk.

Friends are important, but it takes work and effort to keep the good ones.

overmydeadbody · 03/02/2010 21:44

Good friendships, much like relationships, require commitment and involvement, but if long convos on the phone don't work for you make sure you cultivate and nurture the friendship in other ways, like remembering birthdays, sending random little cards or presents, remembering any important stuff and knowing when a friend really needs to chat, as opposed to just a nattering phone call.

As long as you do that you shouldn't worry about not answering if it's not convenient to you.

thesecondcoming · 03/02/2010 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CirrhosisByTheSea · 03/02/2010 22:17

If it's not a good time for me I don't answer the phone. Not many things annoy me more than phoning someone only for them to say they can't talk! If you can't talk don't pick up the blummin phone.

So YANBU to ignore the phone in fact you are doing the right thing imo if you're not able or up to talking on the phone. Agree with overmydead that you can keep friendships going in other ways if long phone calls of an evening are no longer possible

porcamiseria · 04/02/2010 12:21

Nah I never answer the phone, work FT. yanbu

I am suprised I actually have any friends left!!!

My issue is that DP rarely goes out, so he resents it when I do alot, so to keep a happy medium I only catch up with them evenings once a month, and rarely on the phone!!

its something that worries me alot, but the good friends stay good.

LouMacca · 04/02/2010 12:36

YANBU. I do this too. I probably have 2 good friends that I chat to for long spells on the phone probably once every couple of weeks. But if I'm not in the mood to speak with them I won't answer I just let it go to answerphone.

I stay in touch in my other friends by text and since having children have made good friends with other mums who I see at school to make arrangements with.

We all have busy lives and I think time at the end of the day with our DH/DP and DCs is important.

lovechoc · 04/02/2010 12:50

YANBU at all. I don't phone my best friend at all, but do arrange to meet up with her for a whole day every two or three months and we have a right good chinwag over a long lunch together. It's much better than phoning! I also can't be bothered in the evenings to phone anyone, let alone a friend. After the dinner is bed, bedtime is done, it is just time to relax and put your feet up and chill out. Don't feel bad OP

lovechoc · 04/02/2010 12:52

best friend is single with no kids, so completely different lifestyles we have. which I love! it would be boring to talk babies all the time.

BouncingTurtle · 04/02/2010 12:53

Caller display is a FABULOUS invention.

No YANBU.

Baileysismyfriend · 04/02/2010 13:08

YANBU. I thought I was just being mean by feeling this way!

I love talking to my friends but they seem to want an hour or so phonecall everytime I speak to them and sometimes - ok most of the time once the kids are in bed I just want to sit and veg out.

I have one friend who I do speak to alot on the phone but its never for too long as we see each other so frequently, the rest of them I e-mail loads instead. I much prefer it that way and then we can have a proper catch up when we meet up.

mistletoekisses · 04/02/2010 13:27

YANBU

By the time I have gotten DS up, got out the door, done a fairly full on day at work, come home and picked up toddler from nursery, done play/ bath/ bedtime with toddler, cleaned up, showered, got things ready for next day and then collapsed on the sofa - I am not answering the phone to anyone.

I would like to think this is a phase, but really doubt it. DS2 is only 4 weeks old and I can only imagine how much busier life is going to get once they are older and school is thrown into the mix.

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