to think this wedding isn't a wedding?

[Downdog]

We have been invited to a dear friends wedding in Spain (we all live in UK). Wedding is in early summer & coincides with a bank hol & half term so we were given plenty of notice so we could book flights early. Now money is pretty tight at the moment, but OH has just started working after a year of redundancy - I have a 0% deal on credit card, so reasoning the flights aren't going to get any cheaper I booked for a week away, thinking we will go to wedding for a few days then have a few days family holiday.

Due to leave & financial restraints, we therefore had to cancel our planned summer holiday in France staying at a relatives holiday home.

Bridetobe recently returned from a venue hunting trip to Spain. I asked if she had found somewhere nice for the ceremony and she said "oh we will be married in UK registry office several weeks before we go to Spain. In Spain it's just a party really."

Now I'm trying really hard but I can't help it - I'm pissed off & annoyed for several reasons:

• I've recently attended a wedding in UK town hall & it was fantastic. Registry office, pub, resteraunt - a gorgeous celebration and a wonderful WEDDING! It's all about the day for me. It doesn't even sound like we will be invited to the ceremony part of the June wedding.

• I'm now feeling I've been manipulated into going on a huge group holiday, which if not for the wedding (that isn't a wedding) I wouldn't go on. The other people going are nice enough, but lots of hugely competitive women already getting in shape and looking for dresses - for a JUNE "wedding". It's just not my thing & certainly not the summer holiday I would choose to go on.

• I would certainly have gone to Spain for the party but I would have gone just for the party/weekend, leaving OH & DD at home. Then we still could have gone on our family holiday as we had planned as we would have leave days available and some money to fund it.

From trying to be organised and juggle the finances so we can afford to go away and share in a dear friends celebration, I now am feeling well & truly rogered. And I really really need to get over this in my head and move on so I can focus on having a fab time in Spain.

So I guess what I'm asking is, do you think the event in Spain is actually a 'wedding', AIBU for feeling a little shafted, and am I going to be expected to fork out for a huge pressie too?!?!

YANBU but then I never get the point of inviting people to just the reception and not the wedding either.

WIll prob get flamed for that by people who couldn't afford to invite everyone so had some just for the reception but to me, the point of the wedding is the, er, wedding.

I always turn down invites for the reception only if they involve travel.

bridezillas!!!! - LOL love it

You are all correct with great points & you have made me laugh & relax while my akward feelings have been validated - so thanks so much.

She is a dear friend, and as some have commented, hopefully it will be more than flying to Spain for a party, and not all plans have been revealed. Whatever, I am generally a positive person & I will make the most of the situation, and we will have a lovely family holiday.

Personally, I've not much experience at all with big weddings - I'd have something very tiny, or elope, myself. My friend clearly has very grand plans - and I've got everything crossed that it works out for her & all her guests, us included.

Thanks MUMSNETTERS - I'm feeling like I've vented & been heard & can move on with a (very nearly) genuine smile.

YANBU

I would wait until April to see if you are invited to the wedding and if not make your decision if you are going to the party. I guess she is calling that a blessing. Don't do anything you don't want to just for someone else and definitely don't do anything that will hurt financially.

There is no reason other than if the Church is small, not to invite everyone who is coming to the reception to come to the wedding as the wedding is free.

Just to add my perspective - for personal reasons, we had a very small register office ceremony and then a party a few months later that acted as a reception. Technically, it was 'just a party', but I think that it felt like a wedding to the majority of the guests - we made sure we had speeches and cake cutting in order to make people feel that it was special.

Hey, if it's just a party, no need to buy a prezzie then!!!

Now... we did something similar!!
I think she might have been playing down the party.. just meaning that the registry office is the official one.
We had a v small registry office with just witnesses but we wanted to get married abroad, most people who we invited came, and made a real holiday of it.
We did have a ceremony though, and it wasn't just a party, we had boys/girls nights and then a barbecue the day after.
It was also very informal.
DH still regards that one as our anniversary date, because all friends and family were there.
Wait and see what the plan is, but if she expects people to fly all that way for one party, it's a bit much