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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to Facebook friendship

15 replies

yummymonkey · 02/02/2010 15:24

Would you let your DH be Facebook friends with their ex? It is a bit of a trivial issue, just wondered what others' opinions were. My DH got a friend request from his ex fiancee and felt it would be good to show that he has grown up and moved on. I felt it was better to leave these things in the past and ignore the request.

OP posts:

kinnies · 02/02/2010 15:26

I would just ignore her.
Bloody facebook.

Bramshott · 02/02/2010 15:28

I wouldn't have an opinion TBH - I certainly wouldn't think it was my place to "let" him either be or not be in touch with his ex.

myfirstbump · 02/02/2010 15:29

No chance! DH has a friend request from an ex that he hasn't touched, he won't accept (doesn't want to) or decline (it's the second time she's requested after he declined first time round). They still share some mutual friends, so we see her occasionally at special occasions - neither of us think he needs to be her friend on fb.

Likewise I have a friend request sitting there too from an ex, for all the same reasons.

Ex is ex.

Ditto bloody facebook.

ShinyAndNew · 02/02/2010 15:29

I have my ex on my FB friends. WE have many friends we share anyway, so he was always popping up in my newsfeed anyway.

He is on my msn too. We rarely talk, Dh doesn't mind. I'd be a bit miffed if he did mind tbh.

Original poster

yummymonkey · 02/02/2010 15:29

It wasn't so much whether I would 'let' him - he asked, and I do appreciate the consideration.

OP posts:

Surfermum · 02/02/2010 15:33

It wouldn't bother me. All of dh's ex's that I've met seem really nice.

Pikelit · 02/02/2010 15:36

YANBU. Although I'm not comfortable with the concept of "would you let" since it suggests I might wield an unhealthy power of veto I wouldn't want wielded over me!

However, Facebook keeps asking why I don't befriend dp's ex-wife (it makes these ludicrous suggestions based on the fact we have friends in common) and actually, while we get on extremely well,I don't want to share any more of my life with her.

DP has a deep distrust and dislike of Facebook but I know that I'd be slightly (and probably irrationally) peeved if things were different and he "befriended" his previous partner.

WhatNoLunchBreak · 02/02/2010 15:58

I'm very good friends with my exDH - both in RL and on FB. My DH is fine with it. It wouldn't stop me from remaining friends even if my DH weren't fine with it ... he was pretty sceptical at the beginning. But we all get on well now. But every relationship is different, and this is purely a personal perspective.

FimBOW · 02/02/2010 16:02

I use a different email address for facebook and also have it set so my name cannot be searched, so hopefully I can keep all past loons at bay.

Original poster

yummymonkey · 02/02/2010 16:21

Ok agreed poor choice of words - I guess I meant would it bother you rather than would you control this. It only came out like that because he chose to ask me how I would feel.

OP posts:

Coldhands · 02/02/2010 16:27

It depends on the circumstances I suppose. I know my friend is friends with his ex, they have children and I suppose its a way of keeping in touch, even though they don't arrange most stuff with the children on facebook. Saying that, his new GF is also friends with his ex on facebook which I find weird but his new GF is one of these who adds absolutely everyone she has ever met! She met me and my DH and first thing she did was request us as friends on there when she got home. We couldn't refuse as shes our friends GF but we don't really like her. Bloody facebook politics can be a pain sometimes.

If you don't see them anymore, ie don't share mutual friends and stuff then I see no reason to add them tbh.

bibbitybobbityhat · 02/02/2010 16:29

Dh and I are friends with several of our exes. Actual proper friends, in real life.

Are we odd?

kinnies · 02/02/2010 16:47

Bibbity,
Yes you are odd, but not for that reason.

doesntplaywellwithothers · 02/02/2010 16:52

I am friends with a few of my exes on FB, and DH knows, and hasn't found it a big deal. If the situation were reversed, I can't say that I'd have an issue with it.

Irishchic · 02/02/2010 16:59

Why does he want to show her he has grown up and moved on..why does he care whether or not she know that..the fact that he does want her to know that he has moved on makes it look like in fact he hasn't completely moved on iykwim.

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