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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want another baby so desperately?

11 replies

ChickandDuck · 01/02/2010 21:43

I have 2 DS's, one is almost 4 the other has just turned 1. I have felt overwhelmingly broody for about 8 months. I can't explain why I feel like this, I feel that I should be content with my two boys.

Me and DP are getting married early summer and I think we will start trying straight after. DP says he would be happy both ways (not have another, have another) but I worry that I won't have enough time for all three, I worry that DS2 will miss out, and I'm also worried that we don't own a house, and we're not even living in the county that we want to be in.

Should I bury my 'broodyness' and wait until the time is right, until DS2 is a bit older?

OP posts:
tadjennyp · 01/02/2010 21:51

I feel exactly the same and I can't explain why. All of my husband's immediate family just have two each, but my Mum and Dad came from larger families and would have had more than me and db if they could have afforded it. Also, I'm 37 and feel like I'm approaching the last chance saloon. Have been trying for around three months with no success yet.

So no, yanbu, the size of your family is entirely your choice.

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 01/02/2010 21:57

It just feels so overwhelming! I guess I'm worried about why I don't feel contented with the two I've got. I'm the happiest I've ever been and yet I still don't feel complete?

OP posts:
chegirlsgotheartburn · 01/02/2010 21:58

I have been broody since my late teens.

Its such a powerful feeling. Its so hard to ignore it.

I did though, I didnt want kids at any cost IYSWIM.

So I stuck with two because OH really didnt want anymore (he is the youngest of 12).

We then had another unexpectedly as a family member couldnt look after her baby so we adopted him.

That was wonderful and such a gift. I still longed for more (by birth or adoption) but recognised that it was not really practical blah blah.

Then we lost DD after a long illness.

Since then I felt 'feck it' and have had one more and am expecting number 5!

Life is too short, kids are what make life worthwhile.

But that is my personal mantra, I dont expect everyone else to live by it

Original poster
ChickandDuck · 01/02/2010 22:01

Do you ever worry about the others missing out? I worry now about my 4 yr old missing out on things since DS2 came along...

OP posts:
becky4kids · 01/02/2010 22:14

There's always room/love/time for one more!

He will never know anything different and will take it in his stride at his age. Both boys will gain so much from another sibling to care for and share with.

The trouble is knowing when to stop.....

chegirlsgotheartburn · 01/02/2010 22:18

It crosses my mind of course. I mean one child is going to get more attention than two or three etc.

But there are other things that I think balance that.

They have each other. I dont think your love for each child lessens or dilutes it sort of stretches to fit IYSWIM.

I think you are at the peak time for broodiness

You have a near school age one and a baby who is not going to be a baby much longer. Your life has probably pretty much revolved around little children for the last 4 years. Its hard to imagine life any differently. I reckon if you can get past the little one being 3 you may find the broodiness is less intense.

Its when you start emerging into the outside world again.

tadjennyp · 02/02/2010 22:28

I think chegirl makes a lot of sense (sorry about the loss of your dd). Since we've moved to America I've wanted another, partly for its sake and partly because I'm at home anyway (didn't get a work permit for ages, not many jobs to apply for that would be worth leaving my 2 in daycare etc.) I think if I'd got a decent full-time job by now, I would be less likely to think having another dc would be the greatest idea, but it's not like I can put it off.

Don't feel guilty about wanting another. If we all acted on that, noone would have more than one dc!

Tummytuckrequired · 03/02/2010 10:15

I would absolutely love another ... I feel really passionate about it. I have a 5 year old and a 4 year old and have felt broody for number 3 about a week after my second child was born. I am also 37 and feel it is now or never.

The problem is my husband doesn't want another one and this is heart breaking for me.

I think if you decide to go for a third and your partner is supportive then go for it. The family will grow, settle and adjust.

Good luck!

tadjennyp · 03/02/2010 17:51

Is he adamant tummytuck or just not all that interested? Have you explained how heart broken you feel about his unilateral decision? The trouble is, it's just not something you can compromise on, is it?

EleanoraBuntingCupcake · 03/02/2010 17:57

oh ffs just do it. i have broken my heart for 5 years ttc. good luck!

tadjennyp · 03/02/2010 23:03

Sorry Eleanora

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