to wish that someone had told me that 90% of the stuff I worried about when the kids were little - really never mattered in the first place?

[heQet]

Because it would have made life SO much easier! mess, milk, grub, am I interacting enough, am I interacting too much, will they ever do this, why do they do that, are they sleeping enough, should they sleep through, to cry or not to cry...

And I look at them now and I barely remember any of the stuff that used to seem so important and they've somehow managed to drag themselves up anyway . And I can only just remember roughly how old they were when they walked! Let alone any of the other stuff!

And I think how hard new parents are on themselves and how much they worry about every little thing, and I wish that there were big signs in maternity hospitals and hv clinics saying "In 10 years, you won't even remember most of this, so don't worry."

but if they had told you , you wouldn't have believed it so YABU!!

that's very true, lulu.

I remember sobbing to a social worker I was failing because my DS hadn't had a bath the night before

but maybe all that worrying paid off? you'll never know what would have happened if you hadn't done the stuff that seemed important at the time - maybe it actually was. I know that's not your point but still ...

You would not have listened. And if any parent of older children had tried to tell you, you'd have wondered how their poor neglected offspring survived.

I remember being shocked at my friend's son eating with his fingers. He was all of 20 months old but my book said he should use a spoon!

that's why mumsnet is so great

i was a complete wreck with dd trying to be perfect mum

with ds I was on mn and figured out everyone is a bit crap like me. makes such a difference

True. I remember feeling really worried an anxious when my dd was at the weaning stage and she didn't want her "cube" of brocolli that day I thought at the time she was going to starve and die

I wish someone had come and said "He will not die because you skipped a bath, or left him to cry while you rinse shampoo out of your hair, or because there was a freak heatwave in April and he went a bit pink in the cheeks."

lol

I remember fretting over the room not being 18C. I look back and wish I had thrown the sodding thermometer away right there and then!

It all seems so ridiculous when they are big, hunks of children who already think they know more than you do.

I remember sliding down a wall and sobbing because I'd run out of nappies and of course his bum was going to become terribly sore and oh, I dunno, fall off or something in the time it took to go and get some more.

And when I rocked him was I doing it too hard, would I give him brain damage

@ coldtits

I was anxious about making sure everything was perfect when ds was a baby but was also lucky enough to have a my sister had been a nanny for years. So I'd seen her being immensely practical and down to earth, so it stopped me reaching the extreme heights of neuroticism.

And I also have a much younger littlest sister, so had recent experience of seeing someone grow up and realised babies don't break that easily. (Thank heavens!)

Still didn't stop me making frantic late night calls to NHS Direct and rocking up at the out of hours GP centre every time ds had indigestion or an ear infection, though.

'a sister who had been' - oops, didn't pay enough attention when I changed my mind about how to word it!

Oh don't get me started on room thermometers! Baby clothes were washed seperatly (OK I still do that for first 6m), and very hot with nappysan so all the germs would die, dettolled the nappy bin (ha!) daily, the mat was dettolled every time, I used to actually climb up the stairs to the changing table every time a nappy needed changing (sofa/floor/anywhere now!), floating bath thermometer that liked you to bath your baby in freezing water (don't worry, I always over rode it) - it's a wonder I am pregnant with no.3!

My mum says there's an old joke about this:-

With your first, you sterilise everything they use.

With your second, you wash it under the tap.

With your third, you get the dog to give it a quick lick

Totally empathise with the 18 degree room - I used to obsessively check the thermometer when DD was little - even used to take it with me if we went away for the night!

And used to wash all DDs clothes seperate from ours (can't even remember why!).

Needless to say that DS hasn't even got a room thermometer, and his clothes get chucked in with everyone elses.

Also I used to puree DDs food til it resembled water, and when she finally started eating lumpy food I stood inches away from her, ready to jump into action to stop her choking. DS has done BLW!!!!

I remember being very upset, and feeling a failure because PFB didn't get full marks on the apgar tests! God help her when she's doing her GCSE's.

Oh and the bath thermometer .....

So right! They all grow up somehow. Provide the essentials, provide love and attention,try to enjoy the whole process. That'll do.

I was obviously neglectful, I didn't do any of these things - the most PFB thing I did was hover around DS when he started pulling up on things (but he was only 8 months old) and warm up baby wipes in my hands/on my tummy before using them (in winter - they woke him up if I used them cold - still run them under the hot tap now and he is 16 months! But they do get the poo off easier that way)

Ohh no actually, I did have one PFB moment, when we ran out of nappies at about 6 days old, I knew that if I phoned my MIL she would probably have dropped me round some more, but I didn't want my PFB wearing Pampers! So I gingerly braved the bus and went to Sainsbury's only to discover they had sold out of eco disposables and ended up getting him the Pampers anyway

myself and dh took a hospital property cot sheet thingy home from the hospital because we thought dd would never sleep at all without it

ditto obsessive about room/bath temp (God dh was a nightmare about this!)

Would only use 1 certain blanket for swaddling as a result it was threadbare very quickly.

Had a "top and tail bowl" from John Lewis FGS, they saw me coming....

Tbh I do blame a lot of the neurotuc perfectionism that certain parents seem to emulate on baby manuals. Not one in particular as most of them are fairly preachy "my way or the high way".

Oh LeQueen I was thinking that about John Lewis in John Lewis the other day, was wandering past with DS2 who is 3 and the pregnant couple were test driving a Bugaboo, I just wanted to shout NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT NECESSARY!!!

I did not shower for the first two weeks unless my Mum or DH were in the house, my friend said "just put the moses basket on the bathroom floor, he'll be fine and you can see him"

Of course I didn't I was worried the steam would make him choke or I would accidentily get my shampoo in his eyes.

Nuts.

ds was born in the middle of a heatwave. I worried about the room thermometer (yes, OK, I had been a mad first-time pregnant woman and bought one) for a few days, then relaxed and realised there was NOTHING I could do about the weather and there are plenty of babies born in hotter countries than the UK all the time...