To send this card to my sister?

[TellMeWhatToDo]

When DH and I got engaged a couple of years back, my sister sent us a really ugly engagement card. It had a couple of gorillas in wedding garb on the front and she'd simply written Congrats and signed her name inside. We got so many lovely cards at that time that I've saved (total saddo I know) but hers I put at the back of the mantelpiece because I hated it so much. Don't tell me it was sent it good spirit. It sooooo wasn't.

She hates us. We don't know why. Was totally uninterested in our engagament and unsupportive of our wedding. Behaved very badly throughout. Enough said.

Guess what? She's just got engaged herself. Would it be wrong of me to send a lovely card I've just seen of....lo and behold... two gorillas in wedding garb? And write the same message inside?

It's a horrible card. I'd never buy it for anyone else. But she obviously thinks gorillas are a nice way to say "Congratulations!"

What do you think? Get my passive aggressive revenge or grow up?

Rise above it, send a nicish one, just don't spend much on it. Home bargains'll have some.

Send it.

May I suggest this as an engagement present

Send an even horribiler card obviously.

Ahh theres no fun in the moral highground, Send it!!

Even if she does remember sending that same card and then pulls you up on it, just pretend that you dont remember receiving it and then make a big fuss about you both having such "great taste"! And if she was being spiteful she can hardly come out and say that can she!

or let the whole wedding thing go and send her this for her birthday

I think she should forget to send anything. Then if it's mentioned, just go, 'oh yeah great. I'll get you a card when I've got a mo.'

at Pag being worn down to the level of the rest of us!

Erm...it's just a card. What's wrong with gorillas anyhow? I think it's a bit strange to be upset about such things. At least she sent you a card.

Save yourself the money and don't send the card.

Kinnies "I got sent a gorilla card from a mate and I just laughed!"

If it had been sent by a mate I probably would have done the same. But I just know it's the opposite of the kind of card she would normally send or would have sent to any of her friends or would have displayed in her own stylish, White-Companied, Space-NK-candled up home.

Give in to your inner child. Love the card that pag suggested!! I actually suspect that this is more than just the card and you may have underlying issues with your sister.

My SIL is really funny about cards. She moans about how they are a waste of money and begrudges buying a mothers day card. When she sodded off to America and got married without telling anyone, she expected everyones cards to be waiting on the doormat when they got home. Ours wasn't, as her DH's sisters wasn't. We all went to MIL for tea and she spent ages moaning about cards not there for her, then moaned about her other SILs card not saying 'wedding' just congratulations. At this point I couldn't keep quiet and pointed out that our card didn't say 'wedding' just 'congratulations' (but it was beautifully handmade by me, so couldn't really complain) so she hurredly said "oh, yeah, but that was different" Didn't say in what way but it shut her up.

Coldhands "I actually suspect that this is more than just the card and you may have underlying issues with your sister."

Whatever gave you that idea?

I think you should send it... it will send her a message (if she remembers, which being quite self centered she may not) and if she doesn't remember & says something, you can just say that as she'd sent the same one to you, you thought she'd be sure to like it

TellMe

I actually phrased that wrong. I meant it sounds like your sister has underlying issues with you. Hating you? Sending a shite card like that with just "congrats" written in? Behaving badly at your wedding? Sounds like she is very jealous and wants to be the centre of attention.

"Rising above it" is all very well but sometimes with people like that you just seeth and seeth until you get the chance to pay them back. I know resentment and revenge are not attractive qualities but I too have "issues" with my sister and she pulls passive aggressive shit all the time. She's bloody clever about it too. Never in front of our parents, only ever when there's no-one else around to hear her nasty loaded comments and they're always phrased in such a way that an innocent by-stander would think it was harmless but, with years of toxic history behind us, we both know different.

It's sooooooo hard to be the bigger person.

This card thing actualy sounds quite clever and playing her at her own game. Do it.

Pag...thank you...I burst out laughing, and so needed that.

Screw the moral high ground.