To be furious at DP for not picking children up from school

[Pawslikepaddington]

I organised a playdate last week. I got home and then realised I had a late meeting that meant I would have to cancel.

DP said "don't worry, I'll pick dd and friend up, don't cancel playdate". I ask him a number of times over the next week if he can do it, as I need time if I am going to cancel. All is Ok, I keep playdate going, but check with other parents family that they are ok with dp instead of me looking after the children. All is fine.

Children both v excited this morning, choosing what they will do etc. Dp rings 15 mins ago-he has booked a meeting for 4pm, so cannot have the children. I cannot get out of my meeting, despite v unprofessional grovellings and pleadings. Have had to ring parent of child to say she can't come on an hour and a half's notice, and pray that after school club have a space for dd.

To say I am spitting with anger is an understatement. Thankfully all has worked out ok (bar my position in the eyes of those above me), but I am seriously furious-what would have happened if noone could have had the children?

Why didn't you get DP to call the other parent? I am very mean and always make DH clear up his own messes of this kind.

YANBU that was crap of your DP, really crap.

I'm fed up of looking like an idiot because I say I can do something, and then have to pull out because dp drops on me. Before I met dp, I just used to say I couldn't do it full stop. Will have to go back to that now I think!

Oh no not U at all, I now only arrange things that I know I can manage singlehandedly as my DH is completely unreliable in things like this. It takes some juggling as I have 4 DCs and don't want any of them to miss out on stuff but I feel much happier when I'm not depending on anyone else for anything.

YANBU he is a twunt, why does his work take precidence over yours?

I would have said 'that's interesting...let me know how you sort it out.' and put the phone down.

But I am quite mean.

That was completely unnacceptable.

When you say before you met him you used to just say 'no'...is he not their Dad? It sounds like he needs to understand that acting like a Dad means taking responsibility, it isn't a moveable feast that he can pick up and drop as if he was doing you a casual unimportant favour. RE childcare - he's either in, or out!
And that acting as your DP means similiar - being reliable, dependable and taking responsibility.

He is now in serious fear and refusing to answer any form of communication. I have spent the little time I did have to prepare for the meetings sorting out his mess, and so am now not only looking like an idiot going into the meeting, but also during it too. I definately prefered life as a singleton!

am loving that he is in serious fear - so he should be

Yes, he is defo in fear. Silly man. Well, at least he won't do it next time. There won't be a next time as I can't trust him with childcare evidentially, but the point has been made!

Sounds like my life. We had 'words' recently about DH taking some responsibility for his children, seeing as we both do the same job at the same level and the same hours I don't see why his work should take precedence.

He's not that silly though, eh? If there's never a next time the only point that has been made is if he acts a bit useless not only will you sort it out for him, but you wont try to make him have to deal with it again.

Agree with notquitenormal. 'Tis a classic example of the "deliberately useless" bloke syndrome so often referred to on MN.

I am not usually quick to point it out as it's a bit of a cliche, but you've sort of played into it by taking care of the mess for him rather than simply expecting him to sort it out, call the other parent, etc.

That is true. We are also at the same level work-wise, but in different fields, yet he expects me to put in much less time during the day, then hops off to bed while I start work again at 10pm and then moans about how tiring it is having children. Hmmmm. I think a talk is in order.