to want someone to listen properly to me?

[maighdlin]

My dd is 6 months next week.

Since then i have been suffering from really bad PND and anxiety. I have been really low and have needed a lot of help.

When i try to talk to my mum or sisters about how i feel even just a bit. they always say "how can you be sad with such a fantastic wee baby?" or "if you had a wee screamer you would have something to moan about" ARRRGGHHHHH!!!
my dd was the first grandchild and has 3 aunties so they all dote upon her, which i have no objection to but i feel no one gives a crap about me anymore now that ive popped. I feel like i need to scream to get any kind of attention.

I just want someone to even notice that i am not right and care about it. I was at a family dinner wearing a short sleeve top and NO ONE noticed the fact that i have been self harming. (one time thing didn't work for me)

AIBU to expect help from my family and for them to notice that im not just "sad" without having to try and kill myself???????

I think people do notice, they just don't know how to handle it, some just think if they don't say anything it will go away, head in the sand type thing.

Have you spoken to your GP?

Crikey, I don't even know where to begin. i think you need to go and see your GP rather than expecting your family to pick up on it.

Wearing short sleaves so that they will notice you have cut yourself is a bit attention seeking tbh.

I am speaking as someone who is currently battling PND and the best sorce of help has been my GP

maighdlin - so sorry you are going through this. Not clear if you have formal pnd diagnosis/treatment and your family are aware of this?

In so many areas of life, people try to jolly each other along, afraid that if they mention whatever the issue is, then they well cause someone to cry when they might otherwise have held themselves together... Actually as we all know, its not a hanging offence to ask someone how they REALLY are and get an honest, emotional response. But in the meantime, we pretend that if we don't mention something then it will go away.

Your family maybe hope that they can jolly you out of your sadness. Do you have any opportunities to tell anyone in your family what you really feel like? They can then help you raise it with the rest of your family.

I shouldn't be surprised that your family are afraid to say to you 'hey, you're really not coping are you'. They might be afraid to open the flood gates. They will need your help to know how to play it.

I agree go and see your gp. And be really honest about how you feel.

Your family maybe have not picked up how you feel or think if they ignore it and make light of things you will be fine.

My family especially my sister are always so quick to say someone is worse off than you so you shouldn't moan but it really really doesn't help.

Make an appointment first thing tomorrow with your gp.

YANBU, your family sound a bit selfish to me. Which is a shame, because at the same time as you are already low, you have extra to feel crap about (their attitudes). Sorry.

Do go and see your GP as the other posters have said. You may not be able to get your family to be more caring, but you CAN work on getting yourself well.

yes, please go to your GP. TODAY

Your family may not understand PND, they may not know exactly how bad you are feeling, or they may suspect but not know what to do.

Go to your GP first. Be very very honest about how you are feeling. They will be able to help you.

Then later on you can talk to your family. Please don't try and get their attention in this way.

Stirfry - of course it's attention-seeking. Attention for her mental state is what she wants and she is feeling desperate, and assumes her family will help.

sorry Stirfry, that came out more aggressively than intended ...

I agree with you, outsiders are sometimes the best people to help in the first instance

Yes, please do go to your GP. There is help out there - you need to go to your GP to find out what sort of help you need. Have you spoken to your HV?

I had horrible PND and if i had a penny for everytime someone told me to pull myself together!!! But its not their fault, people don't understand, so its easier just to pretend everything in the garden is rosy. Grandparents and aunties have selective memory of how hard those lovely wee babies can be.

You don't mention your partner? Are you getting support there?

Do go and speak to your doctor - it will help YOU understand what is going on, people really DO care about you - they are just a bit rubbish at showing it. People are like that.

Make the appointment now - talk to someone - you will feel better for it.

agree re gp - but may be worth trying hv too. imo it can be a bit haphazard as to who will listen properly. my gp dismissed me teetering on the edge of pnd. whereas my hv was a gem - and made sure i didn't go over that edge (bit different from you, I can see, as you alreasdy are over the edge). I guess what i'm saying is that if you don't get a proper constructive response from your gp - don't give up. ask to see another gp perhops, or hv. you do clearly need help.

do you have a supportive partner? another source of help might be friends who've been there too - lots of people don't talk openly abt pnd - you might well be suprised to find you have friends who've been there and never told you. next time you're with friends with kids, tell tehm that you';re not coping. not in a "baby isn't sleeping/.feeding well" type way but in a way that makess it clear it's you and pnd.

there's 2 organisations here which would also be a good start.

good luck.

than you for all the messages.

i was sent to gp by hv about 4 1/2 months ago and since then have been under the care of a mental health sw who sees me 1-2 a week. i also see a psychiatrist about once a month and am on medication.

my husband is very good with me. he knows how im feeling but he doesn't know what to except hug me and hide the knives, its really affecting him and our relationship

i know the short sleeved thing was a bit attention seeking but i mainly did it as a test to prove i wasnt going mad and that they really didnt notice.

my sw was the one who suggested trying to talk to my family and its clearly not helping

maighdlin - thanks for getting back to us. I am glad you are getting support from health and ss, and your husband.

Do your family know this ?

As hard as it sounds, I think that at the moment you need to focus on yourself and getting better. I think you are entitled to feel that your wider family understands, but at the moment, they don't seem to.

Often, this happens because people are frightened of mental illness, and want to push it away, deny its existence.

Have they been generally supportive in the past ? Are you a family that talks about feelings ?

I had counselling for depression in the past, and one thing stuck with me - if people don't seem to be able to understand and brush your feelings aside, then don't use them as someone to talk to. You don't need to waste time feeling angry about that - try to accept it as their problem, and talk to people who do make you feel better.
There was someone close to me who just did not seem to get it, so I stopped confiding in her.

It might also be worth you re-posting this on the Parenting or Mental Health boards.

Just wanted to say they are clearly thoughtless and you deserve better.

Oh thanks for getting back:

I am glad you are getting support. I know this sounds really dismall, but i think you are going to have just dismiss your family as a support network for this - they simply don't understand. That doesn't mean they don't love you. Have you explained to them that you are ill? That PND is an illness much the same as diabetes? If you were diabetic they weould be supportive of your physical requirements. This is just the same.

It was for those very reasons that i didn't speak to my mum about my PND, she just wouldn't have understood - probably blamed my DP, told me to pull myself together and generally made things worse. Not because she doesn't care but just because she would not understand and it would scare her.

Are you getting yourself out and about? Do you have a homestart near you? might be worth contacting them to see if they run any baby groups - they can offer a volunteer who has been through PND to come and chat to you, help you out with getting a break etc. Might be worth thinking about.

Maybe use your mum and aunts to provide practical support by way of babysitting so you and your DH can get some time alone?

Mental health issues are such a grey area that even people who want to help get it wrong. Don't take it personally.