To think my behaviour is down to stress.

[tom57]

I just can't seem to say anything positive to my DD 10 at the moment I am so bad tempered with her,really without any justification,I know I'm doing it,I can see her face fall but I almost seem unable to stop.It seems to have become a habit.

In the last six months I've got pregnant after three years trying and miscarried very slowly,my DH had an accident at home in front of my DD and I and suffered a serious head injury and I 've had a breast cancer scare.

I almost seem like I am a different person.I guess it is reasonable to believe stress alters your behaviour but it is not reasonable for that behaviour to continue once you have recognised that.

sympathies to you and your DD (and DH).

it does sound like it could be connected with stress. Just because you recognise it isn't reasonable behaviour doesn't make it easy to deal with it.

are you sleeping OK?

could you try to get into the habit of saying nice things to your DD first - first thing every day, for example - while trying to break the habit of bad temper?

It is possible for stress to alter your behaviour.And you've obviously had a very stressful time. It could also be related to your head injury. Might be a good idea to talk to your GP, and see if she/he can help. Recognising you have stress and dealing with it are two different things.

If you can get to the root of the problem, then you can talk to your daughter about how its been affecting you, and that it's not her fault IYSWIM.

many apoliogies -misread it as you having the head injury, not your DH. How is your husband getting on now?

apologies-gaaaah!

Yes I do think I'm tired-tho who's not!both my DD and I struggled to sleep for a while after DH accident but we seem to be slightly better now.

It's not that I am screaming and shouting at DD more constantly 'nagging' be careful,don't touch that etc,I do still say nice things but I do think it is a good idea to do so at set times.I have also considered not saying anything at all until I am sure It's going to come out ok-not easy tho...

DH has made a very good recovery although he was warned by the hospital to expect to go through a period of depression and bad temper about 4 weeks later-he admits he is struggling a bit now and is rather grumpy when normally very chilled.

I have tried talking to DD about how upsetting DH accident was-we both thought he would die for a few hours and I have apoligised for my behaviour but as you say recognising it and dealing with it are totally different.

good morning

good advice to see your GP

also maybe look into general ways of relaxing, try meditation, yoga, that sort of thing.

at 10 I guess your DD is old enough to understand when things are hard for you, and the worries that you have had, but as you acknowledge, she will also be very affected by the way you behave towards her.

Would it work for you to make some special time every day, during which you bite your lip and do everything you can not to say anything negative? (eg wind-down time after school or before bed, in her room drawing pictures, or something you like doing together). It would be a tall order to go from habitually nagging to stopping it overnight, especially when you are busy and full of life's normal pressures.

Thanks dusty I spoke to a councillor at the GP's today and she was brill,confirming that it was not unusual behaviour-feel a bit less guilty now and gave me some great tips to try.

Today has gone really well,only a couple of slip ups and a good pre bed wind-down,DD even commented so feel much more positive-I think just verbalising everything last night really helped.

that's good to hear

Tom57 - glad to see you had a better day today

I think the most important thing you can do is keep talking to your DD. Explain to her how you feel and just make sure she realises you do love her and aren't angry/upset with her but the situation you are in and ask her not to be upset when you seem hard on her/overly worried about her etc and also try your best to change how you are relating to her. Not easy when you are stressed though is it

Hope your DH makes a great, complete, recovery.