to insist 8 year old does jobs if he wants pocket money?

[marl]

But am meeting a brick wall on this one. My DS is a rather precocious 8 yr old politician, which in itself drives me insane. Having worked from quite a young age myself I'm not keen to give him money for having the rest of us wait on him hand and foot. He used to replace the loo rolls until about 6 for minor pocket money. Now has been asked to empty dishwasher (I do the high stuff but he is meant to do the rest.) supposedly for £1 a week. He has said no the money is too little, others get far more and don't even do jobs...and therefore he's not interested in doing it. This is after spending an hour with him driving me mad as we went for a 'browse' round the charity shops at the weekend with him pestering about buying any old crap endlessly that he didn't need on the basis that he had a couple of quid in his money box' and then going mad in Waterstones because he didn't have enough money for anything decent (so I pointed out a month's pocket money would buy a book...after which we returned to the argument above as well as him pointing out that my ex gives me 'hundreds of pounds' maintenance - not something I have mentioned and frankly it is not there for pocket money as far as I'm concerned). Sigh. Any answers. Should I just then 'leave the offer on the table' and wait until he can be arsed or no doubt wait until he is a bit older and my ex gives him handouts anyway which kinda defeats the object...

He will go far!

YANBU - I insist that the DC tidy and hoover their rooms once a week for £1. They are 8 (almost 9!) and 10. It only takes DS who is pretty tidy, about 5mins.

I am thinking about offering more money for more chores, but am not sure what I will ask them to do as DH does all the obviously simple jobs, and if I get the children to do them, he will do even less than them!

Just thought, does he like cleaning the car? DS likes doing that, so I could offer that as a chore. DH and I never do it!

DS is 7 and gets £1 per week but doesn't do chores for it. To be honest I think he's a bit young (in that I can't face the arguments/bargaining etc), at the moment all I want him to learn is the value of things i.e. to SAVE it up in order to be able to buy something. We went through months of him throwing a wobbly as £1 or £2 would not buy him anything in the toy shop despite me trying to explain saving. I'm glad to say that it suddenly clicked and he now has £16 (16 weeks!) and not planning to spend yet.

if you're getting undermined by your ex anyway, I'd ditch the idea of paying and turn it into a job he's got to do or else privileges get withdrawn. you're a family and family pulls together. (we give ours £1 a week if they tidy their room without too much nagging, they always have to tidy it it's just whether i nag or not thats the issue)

I think it´s mean to expect him to work for 1GBP a week tbh.

I think at that age it should be more about the value of money.

I'm with Mutt. The few jobs DS has are just him as part of the family pulling his weight. Pocket money's different.

It might be worth while linking jobs to TV rights (or whatever DS likes) rather than money if you think that you ex will provide cash. Good luck with this.

I'm with Mutt too. Only my eldest gets pocket money but they are all expected to pull their weight. I give him money to teach him about value and saving etc. and so he can join in with his friends and their insane obsession with various trading cards. I give them jobs to stop me from being run into the ground and to teach them about living as part of a family and running a household. The 2 are totally seperate.

we have a seeminlgy complex system - but it works well.

dds get £1 pocket money - no need to earn it.

there are some jobs they are expected to do, as part of being part of the household - these are putting their own clean washing away, tidying their rooms, putting dirty washing in the laundry basket, feeding the dog, and clearing the table

there are a range of jobs they can do for extra money - genereally 5 or 10 p. these include putting the milk bottles out, putting recycling away, emptying/stacking the dishwasher and anything i can think of.

they also get 5p and 10 p added on for good behaviour and taken off for bad (we have a chart on the fridge)

as they get older more of the currently paid/extra jobs will become expected. i gues that will happen naturally in a way becasue 5/10 p will start to be meaingless iyswim.

they are 7 and 9

MY DD is only 6 months but i am all for children earning money and privileges.

my BIL (he is only 7) has a chart. When he does something like all his homework, make his bed, etc he gets a star. He then has a list of treats that he trades stars for eg. a mcdonalds is 10 stars, cinema is 20. If he is cheeky or doesn't do something he is asked he gets a star taken off him. he gets a £2 pocket money bonus when he reaches 50 stars.

I think this is a great system and he has had it forever and never expects anything, he knows he has to work for it.

The world is tough out there and children need to know that they are not always going to get want they want handed to them. I hate the way children are applauded for doing what they are supposed to. Like getting a certificate for being on time for school every day for a whole week!!

YABU, Let kids be kids. Certainly don't pay them to help out.

I haven't expected DD to help at all and she is in her teens. I do most jobs in the house. She half washed up tonight. However, she has had a Saturday job since she was 14 and does 6 hrs work everyweek without a grumble. So the work ethic sunk in without me expecting her to earn in the house. Just another point of view.

Mine do chores for no money.

It has to be something exceptional for me to part with money, and I include my 7 year old in this.

Pocket money comes anyway.
However bedtime is 7:30pm when the lights go out, as standard for DS who is 8 and DD who is 5.
However being older gains priviliges and responsibilities.
So DS if he does all the washing up in the evenings that is a responsibility which gains the privilige of a 30 min later bedtime. DS will also get an extra 10 mins for additional times table tables practise (on top of his normal homework).
DD will gain a 15 min later bedtime for sweeping the dining room & kitchen floors after supper.

So far, so good. But I should say that we have only been doing this for a couple of months.

If this works long term I look forward to sending my teenagers to bed at 7:30 or them doing a LOT of housework!!

I agree with abouteve as this is the way I was brought up. My mum always maintained that she wanted me and my brother to enjoy our childhoods, much the same as she had been able to.

However, she was very keen that I worked as soon as I was old enough and I worked part time without fail from being 13 through to graduating.

Now that I am all grown up myself I am fairly houseproud and will definitely be adopting the same approach with my children. The housework is for me and my husband to share. I am very grateful to my parents for not forcing me to help out round the house as a child and teenager.

I think the OP makes a good argument for not paying to do jobs as then a child may say it's not worth it! When I was a child we all did jobs and pocket money was separate. I would fully expect an 8 year old to take a turn at washing up and I would certainly not pay. It's all part of pitching in. Also some jobs can be done together e.g. washing hung out/folded so are good times to get one on one time with a child. Most children like to be helpful and feel responsible.

Abouteve: It's great that your DD has a saturday job for money, but if you don't let her help in the house when will she learn how to cook etc?

I give my kids a basic rate if they have done basic, bare minimum of help (kept their rooms tidy and emptied the dishwasher a couple of times that week or edquivalent job). Anything housework done over and above this will earn them more money.

I didn't help in my parents house when growing up. I did get a job at aged 11 (pre regulations) I too am houseproud and learnt to cook when I left home and think DD will do the same.

Toffee and abouteve - just a cautionary note as my SIL follows that philosophy and it hasn't worked out quite so well. She's never asked her kids to help out and sadly it more than shows. It drives me and my parents nuts when they come and stay as they don't even get themselves a drink when they want one, but expect it to be got - they're not little either (12 & 14). Am sure they're an extreme example, but it doesn't make them very likeable sometimes, yet equally it isn't their fault as it's just the way life is for them at home. I do agree with you both though; childhood should be fun.

I never found that jobs for pocket money did other than open the floodgates for completely pointless "negotiation". That's not to say children shouldn't help around the house - in fact it is really essential that they grow up knowing that running a house is a collaborative exercise and not something done by an increasingly weary slave who waits upon the indolent!

But children are children. There's no need to operate a meaningless value system based around ridiculous cliches about earning their way in life long before they can understand what you mean by this. Because getting £5 from your mum for emptying the dishwasher remains as far from the real world of work and personal finance as you can get. So I reckon it is much better to set a sensible amount of weekly pocket money and stick to it. As soon as my dcs were old enough to work outside of the house, I encouraged it!!

I'm not sure that the OP will get very far with her rather rude precocious child by many more discussions about what help he might deign to offer in return for money.

I have a younger sister and older brother and we were all expected to do our share of chores as soon as able. In part because my mother has severe arthritis, but she was quite strict about us knowing how to put washing in, use a hoover, do the dishes, dusting, bit of shopping etc.

It drives me crazy, esp. having gone back to uni later in life, to see these young things who don't even know how to make a decent cup of tea! I agree it should be part of normal home life and doing things for each other, but it's really important for their future self-sufficiencey as well.

I can't abide it when you go to someone's house and the kids are waited on hand and foot by their parents (usually the mother!).

Chores and pocket money are separate in this household too!! We all live in this house so we all contribute to it at various levels. I also want my children to grow up to be competent at looking after themselves.

OP, my 8 year old DD helps dry up; sets and clears the table; helps make lunch; helps clean/tidy her room (& keeps it 'tidy' in between times); takes her turn at feeding the cats/guinea pigs; puts her clean clothes away (includes sorting socks!) and can put the washing machine on, if asked; she also helps with the shopping by dashing around Lidl with DS1 and DS2 collecting all the things we need while I stroll down to see what offers they have on the fruit and veg! They have always helped so just see it as part of life!

They also all proved a dab hand at removing wallpaper when we decorated the family room!!

Although mine "earn" their £1 a week by doing their rooms, they are often asked to do jobs around the house anyway, including laying the table, filling the dishwasher, putting washing out to dry and putting their own washing away.

They even offer to help tidy and clean the house when we have a "team blitz" before guests arrive!