to just want some blardy P&Q time on my own??????????????

[CymbidiumHybrid]

I have recently started working full-time and there were some teething problems to start with.

Thing is, I get ZERO time to myself, not 10 minutes

This is my typical week:

Mon - Fri -
Get up with dc, do their hair and make sure they are dressed (even when dh is at home, I do this whilst he is on computer)
I go to work to a very active and rewarding job, get home about 5.30. Kids have usually had tea at this time, if not, I leave instructions on what I need prepping then finish when I get in.
I then do all packed lunches for the next day, get uniform ready, get my clothes ready(DH NEVER prepares for the next day and it is left for me), tidy round doing things that could have been done earlier (dh gets a hell of alot of more days off than me)
I then do the tea, put it in the dishwasher etc and potter round kitchen.
If I have a bath it is like like clapham junction, the eldest is in and out and the youngest lies on the bathroom floor and reads (they are 10 and 7) if I say leave me for 10 minutes I get tantrums.

But, when DH is in the bath NO-ONE is allowed in the bathroom etc.

Sat-sun - Going into town, getting some bits, checking for nits getting things ready for the following week and tidying etc.

Now the weather has turned and looking milder, DH is already planning his days out fishing when it looks like he will be going 6-6, so not only do I not see him much, once again I am stuck with the kids.

All I want is a couple of hours on my own, only time I get is when kids are in bed, but then again they sometimes are up and downstairs.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

well it sounds like your DH isn't pulling his weight.

you need to put the hard word on him

Get a lock on the bathroom door.

And plan a few days out for yourself at the weekend. Your dh has got his fishing sorted, you need to get something organised for yourself.

Why aren't you sending the kids fishing wth your husband?
I would and do. DP (although not so dear today as he has been a cock) loves fishing, I said, fine, as long as the kds can go too.
They go, they irritate him, he catches not a lot and I get a day to myself.

Re him not things around the house; how much do you let him do? If he does do something does it have to be to your standard or is his OK?

I ak because I am a control freak. If dp does do certain things it really sets me on edge because it won't be done how I would do it. He stopped doing pretty much anything t one point because I was nitpickig so much.

If thats not the case then you need to stop doing so much.
At 10 and 7 the children are old enough to be doing lunches and uniforms. Mine are both 9 and I work full time, v long hours. They do; uniforms, lunches, shower themselves, pick up random objects from living area before bed and put away.
Put away their own laundry (with interestig result sometimes..), clear away their own dinner/breakfast things.

Nit lotion etc you can order online and keep in the cupboard. Grocery shopping online as well.
Tidying can be done little bit at a time daily and you don't ask dh, you tell him, dh I need you to hoover stairs and hallway because I am doing x and y.

10 and 7 are way too old to be having tantrum if mum wants a bath on her own. DH should be disciplining them on this if you are in the bath.
So tell him, dh, I am going to have a bath now, please keep the kids under control for an hour so I can get some peace.

And then lock the door. And ignore.

You are being a bit too soft I think. Get tough.

Agree - lock the bathroom door

If there are tantrums then that's tough tits, really. They are 10 and 7

Have you told DH what you would like him to do? i.e, if he's home before you, HE does dinner (all of it, not just prep)

Take turns doing sarnies etc

Get a cleaner if you can afford it?

and think ahead

I bought DH and the boys a Rugby Season Ticket so that every other Saturday I get the afternoon to myself!

Lock the bathroom door.

Tell DH that a week on Saturday you are doing XYZ and he is in charge of the kids

Get the children to help more with little jobs and stop looking for nits!!

Take it in turns in doing stuff. Have a housework rota you both agree on. He is continuing to do this because you are letting him get away with it.

What's with 'doing the kids hair'? Aren't they old enough to do it? What needs doing to it? Can you just get it cut short to save you having to doing anything with it?

Lock the bathroom door.

OMG

Sounds like you need to say no. Your boys are WAY too old to not give you time alone in the bath.

Mine are 5 and 7 and know not to disturb me

. EVEN when DP isn't here, and I'm alone in the house with the dc's, they know that if mummy is in the bath, they can eff off leave me alone. Mine are 11yo, 7yo and 6yo. And two of them are SN.

Agree that you need time for yourself. Closing the bathroom door and planning some you time at weekends sounds a good plan.

However, reading your list of what you do when you are at home I do wonder if your dc would like a bit more of your time. If the younger one is lying on the bathroom floor and the older wandering in and and out they appear to want time with you. Could you set aside a bit of time for them - reading, helping with homework, playing a game before you have your bath.

Thank you all for your replies, they are very much appreciated.

When I started this job it was on the proviso that dh helped, because of his shift, he has one job to do EVERY day and that is empty the bin, he has done it maybe half a dozen times.

I have tried to tell him what needs doing, or maybe write him a little list, but, he stuck his feet in and said he was quite offended that I give him orders

With regards to taking the kids fishing, that is a definate no no, he has tried once and apparently shouted at them all the time and they came home sobbing. I won't ring him as if he's in the middle of catching a fish he gets very very snappy.

The children do bath themselves, but, I like their hair tied up neat and tidy on a morning so it keeps out of their eyes, dh can't/won't do this. With regards to lunches I do them because if not they lather marg on an inch thick and wouldn't put fruit it, It's not much more work as I do my own at the same time, I just wish DH would think of it. With regards to uniforms, I wasn't clear, I meant the ironing etc.

As it happens, I inist on doing online shopping as I despise shopping myself and he never seems to remember what I want etc, in fact, our shopping has just been and I've meal planned for the week so he knows what we/they are having each night.

If DH made an effort with cleaning things, then I would be happy, it doesn't have to be perfect, as long as he has tried.

I'd love to go to the pictures on my own, but, the last time I was going to do it, he said I was being selfish for not taking the kids when I know they love going.

No mention of when he is out this wednesday night though, or when he was out last saturday.

Maybe I'm just grumpy because I've been ill and I'm starting to feel a little bit better.

I apologise if this is all jumbled, I've tried to answer everyones questions.

who is looking after the children till 5.30? can they not make the packed lunches?

I work ft, walk through the door at around 7 normally.

I do the tea, clear up and put it in the dishwasher then potter.

If I shower, the kids leave me alone. If I bath (very rarely), mine still come in too (they are 8 and 9) but I actually don't mind because I imagine they won't be doing it for much longer!

BUT, you need your dh to do one half. Mine unpacks the dishwasher in the morning and makes sure he has badgered the children to check they have what they need for school.

At 10 and 7, yours are well old enough to do their own hair and get their own stuff ready for school with a cursory kick up the backside from a parent to make sure they have done it.

You need to stand your ground here. If you can be taken advantage of, you will be (by both dcs and dh!) so make sure you aren't!

I think most people who work FT miss having time to themselves. There are v few FT working mums I know who don't crave a bit of time to themselves (i.e. without work or family bothering them!).

Did you ever read 5 minutes Peace (about the elephant family - it's a toddler book)? always makes me chuckle

god yeah fox I do feel like mrs Large the elephant quite often..

As a single parent I read threads like this and listen to my friends and quite honestly wonder what on earth anyone gets married or into a relationship for. I'm happily responsible 100% for everything in our family... childcare, full-time job, cleaning, finances, DIY, the lot.... and I can't whine & groan about other people not picking up the slack very simply because there isn't anyone to blame or to tell!!! Time to myself is limited but, with a little imagination and a few £ on babysitters, even I manage a modest social life.

I think you're just feeling the difference between working full-time and whatever passed before....and you need to be much more specific with your husband about what help you need. Men are really bad at mind-reading and will carry on in their own sweet way until pushed.

girls

I love it when, one by one, they start disturbing her in the bath! It's so true to life.

Yep- that's why I only have a bath when they're firmly in their cots at bedtime!