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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peeved off that i have to be up and out by 8.15 on a saturday morning........

39 replies

theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 01:31

Because DS1 has a 2 hour saturday detention for something that even the teaching staff know he didn't do???

OP posts:
SecretSlattern · 30/01/2010 01:35

YADNBU

Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 01:41

Wouldn't be so bad if i didn't have plans for the day already.

Have 9 1/2 ppl to cook dinner for, the living room to put back together after dp decorated it for me, rug to go and buy, my b'day pressie to decide on....oh don't i have enough to do ffs.

Also wouldn;t be bad if he had actually done anything wrong other than be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

OP posts:
Alambil · 30/01/2010 01:46

why is he going if he didn't do it

Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 01:53

Friday last week he was walking to meet my mum after school for her to bring him home,a boy in front of him threw a stone which hit a window BUT then ran off, DS1 knowing he hadn't done anything carried on walking with 2 of his friends. 2 men came out of the house and started shouting at them, so being 11yr olds they ran the men chased them and made them go back to the house. I called DS1 to see where he was as mum was waiting and he was sobbing so hard he could hardly speak.I eventually calmed him down enough to find out where he was.
Anyway the boy who threw the stone came back and admitted it was him but the men made the 4 of them wait for the police. The police kept all 4 boys there for about 45 minutes.A teacher from the school saw what was happening took all the boys names and they were all given a Saturday detention.

Sorry i know that was long

OP posts:
Alambil · 30/01/2010 01:55

ffs that's ridiculous

I'd not send him... he was utterly innocent

punishment should be used only for the guilty

Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 01:59

Lewis the 4 boys had to sit and decide a suitable punishment. These ranged from 15 min detention after school to 2 hours on a saturday, The head of the entire school told the head of DS1's house that they had had enough of a scare/punishment from the police. The head of their house decided they had brught the school into disrepute and they have to do a saturday detention.

TBH in a way it certainly has made my mind up on moving out of London, and oddly enough the head of his house has said he would thrive at a grammar school outside of london..... are schools allowed to suggest this? sorry i digress.

OP posts:
Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 02:00

But yes he was innocent, the Head of his house did say to me, that although he had not done anything he was there at the time so had to be included

OP posts:
Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 02:02

Anyway i best be off to bed have got to be up ridiculously early for a weekend

OP posts:
Sukie1971 · 30/01/2010 02:31

I cant believe that the school is punishing the boys for something that happened after school, off school property. Surely the police dealt with it at the time.

Id refuse my boy to go, and would turn up there myself and do the detention for him, as a protest. But thats me, Im a lairy b*h who stands up for the rights of the wronged

madwomanintheattic · 30/01/2010 03:01

weeeeell, there's a sort of 'disrepute to the school' issue if he was wearing school uniform and ran... probably terrified tbh though, and i think the detention is a bit much on top of the police rifting.

i suspect if he'd stood his ground and said 'i'm very sorry, i saw who it was and they ran off. i can let you have his name.' then your his saturday would have been intact. he'd have been lynched for grassing his mates though...

v impressed that the guilty party came back and took the blame!

on the whole 'can they say that' thing, i've had one HT who strongly suggested i didn't send any of my dcs to her school lol (as nicely as possible) as in her opinion it wasn't an appropriate setting and wouldn't offer enough peer group stimulation. i guess they can say what they like, really!

CardyMow · 30/01/2010 03:01

YADNBU to be miffed, if that was one of my DC's, and even the POLICE said he had done no wrong, there wouldn't be a snowball's chance in hell of them doing the detention. If they had done it, then by all means, they'd do the DT, BUT they'd get themselves there and back...even my SEN DD! BTW, I'm assuming private school? No state school would do DT on a saturday, they would have no teachers on site?

skihorse · 30/01/2010 07:31

The detention is not fair, but, why can't he take himself to school?

seeker · 30/01/2010 07:37

So the police, two teachers and the guilty party all said your child wasn't involved - but he's still being punished? If that really is all there is to this story, I would have been in the Head's office and complaining to the Chair of Governors last Monday and not moving until you were properly heard.

RatherBeOnThePiste · 30/01/2010 07:42

We are having a busy day today - up at the same time as the week day - netball tournament and it is ffffffffffffreezing.

What a pain for you YANBU to be peeved.

SleepingLion · 30/01/2010 07:45

Feel for you that your DS has a detention he doesn't deserve but absolutely no sympathy that you have to get up and out by 8.15 on a Saturday! It's hardly early and you have a busy day anyway with, as you said, loads to do.

Georgimama · 30/01/2010 07:48

The boy who did do it actually admitted it, and your son is being punished because he was there?

I wouldn't send him to the detention. Just don't send him. I don't care if the children came up with this punishment themselves, he shouldn't have been included in that in the first place. The school cannot tell you what to do with your own child on a Saturday.

If the head of house has made this decision in breach of the head teacher's decision, I'd say there is a leadership battle going on. Don't let your son be used as ammunition. I would send the head of house an email/letter, "DS did not participate in the detention on Saturday as I understand the head teacher has already decided the talking from the police was punishment enough, and in any case, my son actually had nothing to do with the incident."

kinnies · 30/01/2010 10:10

I dont blame your son for running from the two angry men!
This was not brining the school into disrepute it was common sense.

Dont let him do the detention. He did not throw the stone.

Boobz · 30/01/2010 10:17

YANBU to be peeved off to be up so early on a Saturday. My DH is way on business (has been for the last 2 weeks, another 4 days to go), and I had to be up at 7am to walk the bloody dog! No one to look after DD (10 months) so she was also up in a backpack on my back and out onto the common at 7:10am in the blardy snow... and then I slipped on the icy path and me and DD went crashing to the ground (she's ok though).

All because of the farking dog. When oh when is DH coming home?

TrickyTeenagersMum · 30/01/2010 10:22

Dear God, am I right in thinking you are paying for this "education"?

If the teachers know he didn't do it, what a load of crap. Is like the army where whole squadron gets punished for one misdemeanour. Very bonding. Old-school, literally. I suppose you either buy into those values or you don't.

Perhaps in years to come the reminiscences about "the time we were all given detention, ho ho ho" may help get him a nice well-paid job with the rest of the old school tie brigade. Presume that's part of the point of this sort of school?

TrickyTeenagersMum · 30/01/2010 10:43

Also, I wouldn't be so sure he can just walk into a "grammar outside London". I think you'll find that if he is already 11 (I presume in Year 6?), you've missed the selection exams etc for Sept 10 intake which were probably last term and very hard fought.
TBH if this is the most you have to worry about your kid's school, it's really not too bad. And 8.15 is a lie-in in our house - we're farmers from "outside London". Sorry to be snippy but you are coming across as a bit metropolitan and entitled, it's a tad annoying!

Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 12:01

He did the detention, i had to sit in for 10 minutes while he was spoken to. Ibrought up my annoyance at him being punished and was told that "he was guilty bu association"-so basically because he was there he is part of it,

He is home now and said he was bored senseless.

And no this is not a private school, it is a state school.....

he is in yr7 not yr6, and I know he won't just walk into a school, i was only repeating what the head of house said to me....

right dinner to get on back later if i have another 5minutes to spare lol

OP posts:
Original poster
theladyevenstar · 30/01/2010 12:02

Oh and the boy who Didn't turn up for detention has been excluded for 3 days

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 30/01/2010 12:11

How awful. TBH I would have refused to send him, sometimes you can't just obey authority for the sake of it. But it's done now and glad it's over for you.

UndomesticHousewife · 30/01/2010 12:43

My ds would not be going full stop. I would have argued that being there at the same time as an incident happeneing does not make a guilty person.

Your ds ran because he was being chased by an angry grown man.

Never heard so much rubbish in my life!!!

UndomesticHousewife · 30/01/2010 12:48

And two men chased 3 11 years and forced them back into their house, your mum called your ds and he was cying so hard he couldn't speak!!!
This is not ok!!!!