to think that my DP should have stuck up for me?

[foreverastudent]

I get on really well with DP's family.

However, last week, whilst discussing politics, my DP's brother made a completly unprovoked and personal verbal attack on me in the presence of DP, his Mum, brother's girlfriend and 2 children.

His Mum and girlfriend looked shocked to see him behave in this way so I'm in no doubt that it was him who was 100% in the wrong.

DP's brother said some completely unjustified and unforgiveable things to me but DP just sat there and said nothing.

If someone had spoken to him like that I would have stuck up for him, is it too much to expect the same in return?

They are close, but DP does admit to his brother's aggressive tendencies. AIBU to expect DP's loyalties to lie with me?

this is why you should never discuss politics with family

seriously, yes your dp should have said something if you were being verbally attacked and called names, i assume either the c or b word

tho i do find it strange that no one said anything, whether you, mum, dp, dp gf etc but all just looked shocked

if my friend/relative was being intiminated by someone, i would say something, but thats just me

i would try to avoid dp brother in future

LeQueen

Its odd how people get in the habit of letting some family members get away with murder!
I supose its their norm and they have never really thought about it.

The brother sounds like my exh, especially calling you a child abuser after your childs head was bumped, exactly the sort of thing he would have said. It seems to me that he was becoming more abusive because you were taking yourself out of the situation and he was losing power over you. Damn right your dh should have stood up for you but sadly some men don't. I remember being ordered to get someone a drink and called a disgusting name by someone in the bar I worked in and my dh of the time just sat like a wet lettuce and pretended he hadn't heard. Family dynamics are just so deeply ingrained though that it is very had to break out of it and sometimes takes an outsider (yourself) to challenge them.

Lequeen My FIL is very like this. He is also an interrupter but only of women, if his wife or one of his daughters is talking and he wants to say something he just talks straight over them and they just shut up! . I do not. I talk louder and louder (while ignoring FIL) until I am practically bellowing. When I have finished what I was saying FIL is allowed to speak . I am therefore labelled as difficult and touchy by everyone exh included.

Why did your husband organise something he knew his dad didn't want?

When I was 18 I was engaged. At the engagement party my exf's brother called me a slut because I was miffed at exf getting too drunk before we said our thank you's to everyone.

Anyway his brother launched into this personal attack on me in front of all my family calling me a slut, commoner and the lowest piece of life his brother could have picked for a wife and guests and my ex just sat there and never said a word.

I took off my ring and slid it across the table to him and walked out. Cue a huge fight with everyone arguing but I refused to spend the rest of my life with somebody that did not have my back covered when I needed it.

Anyway that was nearly 20 years ago.

bloody hell, fruity, I wish I had had the balls to do something like that 20 years ago

only my advanced age experience allows me to stand up for myself these days

Thanks AF. I still occasionally think about him and the real laughs we used to have - he was hilarious - but I would rather be on my own knowing it was only me to cover my own back than be with somebody who may or may not look out for me.

Besides it was really funny watching all the women scrambling around on the floor for my lovely diamond ring that I never saw again after that. EXf threw it after I walked out and they were all like vultures!

Anyway - It was all stepping stones on a path to my Mr right - who really does look out for me in all the right ways.

actually, I had a similar experience at 18, fruity

not quite the same, but the bf I was with at the time said if I went off to University, that would be the end of us

I went

I thank God for that

I recognize now, he would have developed quite nicely into a controlling bastard

lucky escape

YANBU - sadly some people spines shrivel when required to stand against family, no matter how reasonable an expectation.

YANBU If my DH had looked passively into space whilst someone towered over me and called be a child abuser I would honestly find it very difficult to forgive.

It's not about needing a big strong man to stand by his little lady it's about being united as a family and supporting one another when someone attacks that unit I.E someone saying you were abusing your child.

Fruity, outstanding. Stick to your guns, OP, and don't be cowed by the neanderthal. You are a fantastic role model to your child. Being an aggressive, ignorant, foul-mouthed thug is NOT ok.

AF - you had balls then - you just never realised it!

I know fruity...it has taken me 20 years to acknowledge it !