To think that many mums try too hard to promote their baby's development

[Reallytired]

My son's speech was quite slow to develop. He said his first word at 14 months. This was inspite of being taken to numerous baby groups. Infact I think going to all these activities was a mistake as my son got lots of colds and developed glue ear. His speech was very delayed until he had grommets and his adenoids removed at three and half years old.

My daughter is nine months old. We have only had one activity which is a breastfeeding support group. We don't do any music groups, baby swimming or any other fancy activity. We meet other mums at the school pick up and meet people when we take my son to his various activites. Her speech developing really nicely and she has about 5 or 6 words.

I suppose it shows how different boys and girls are. I also think it shows that children develop in their own time. Children do things when they are ready, however hard you work at stimulating them.

It doesn't all show how different boys and girls are, it shows how different your two children are.
Why do you assume that people got to activities to promote their childrens development? Have you thought that they might go swimming and such because its fun? Its hardly makaton and baby japanese is it? And even if they are, thats their perogative and they might find it helps.
My second son has a speech delay and possibly other delays. I have started bringing him to groups because he enjoys it, and because it may help him. Not exactly sure why you have a problem with that?

i'm not sure what you are asking in this thread. Yes some mothers try too hard, others don't try hard enough, and others try just right. Clearly there is no way of affirming any of those claims.
My son was a little slow too on speech and "failed" his 8 month check because he wasn't saying ba-ba. He now knows by picture or says at least 50 words at 18 months and I think in general parents just need to use their judgement on whether or not there might be a problem.

People don't go to baby groups thinking that it would advance their baby's speech development do they? I think people go because they think it's important to do some baby activities, mix with other babies and mums etc.

Well I support your approach because I can't be arsed with baby activities, but have to agree with poo that different children are different and the whole gender split thing gets on my nerves as well.

But yes "Children do things when they are ready, however hard you work at stimulating them. " agree.

I have 3 boys and they developed at different rates.

They all went to mother and toddler group too, i dont think it helped or hindered their development, just kept them and me amused for a while.

I went to a lot of baby groups with DD. Not to promote her development but because they were fun for me and her, got us both out of the house and kept me from going stir-crazy when I had bad days.

Of course babies develop at their own rates, but that doesn't mean all mums should stay at home in case we are 'trying too hard'!

DD does lots of different activities. She does them because they all look like fund and she enjoys them all. Irritates the hell out of me when people like OP assume its because I am trying to promote her development. Even if i was, so what? Each to their own.

"work" ?
Do you mean have fun with, interact, enjoy the day and baby's company?

Nope, it's a clear sign that the horrid baby groups are crucial in delaying LOs development...hoohummmmm....
But really, all babies develop at their own pace and the best is to enjoy the process.
And.... boys do not develop 'slower', what utter nonsense!

YABU - I think generally mums take children to meet people and keep the children amused. If they help the children develop then that is a bonus. I like going to groups mainly to give my week a bit of a routine as I find it hard spending too much time at home. When I am at home I find I am doing housework all the time and not really spending quality time with my son. If I am away from the house I am more relaxed and actually concentrate more on him. Even though I love my son to bits I get a bit lonely not being around other adults.

Sorry forgot to say both my boys developed at different rates, I don't think it has anything to do with gender.

So OP are you trying to say that you tried too hard to promote your sons development by taking him to groups (!?) and that judging by your dd's development this was apparently counter productive?

Why are you posting this in AIBU?

I'm confused

You bring up a number of issues under the guise of one . I do think it is worth stimulating children but not necessarily to ' artificially accelerate' development. You don't have to go to classes to do that - singing and dancing around our kitchen is probably as stimulating as Monkey Music but I do know that had I not taken my first child to such a music class at 3 months - by depression and isolation would have worsened.

People go to activitied for a number of reaons and I reckon few are trying to HOTHOUSE- just trying to make the dya more interesting.

For what it is worth your child would have probably have developed glue ear with or without the 'activities' . Your daughter's apparent mroe advanced language really tells you nothing.

I think new parents are under a lot of pressure to 'do things' with their children. Advice is published with the least motivated parents in mind and it can promote guilt in even the most active parents.

Lots of first time parents are anxious that they are not doing things properly or often enough. A quick google will only confirm this for them!

I have a two year old who until recently went to the odd play group but he is my 4th. I didnt worry that he was developing because I have a lot of experience and knew that he was doing fine and happy pottering about with me and his dad and brothers. If I had no other children to compare him with I would be much less laid back.

There are posts on most parenting sites from worried mums asking how they can stimulate and play with their very young babies. They dont realise that the things they are already doing are absolutly fine. Looking at a baby, touching, cooing and singing etc. They dont 'need' special activities but I dont think it does them any harm either.

Personally I wouldnt go from group to group, activity to activity. I would drive me nuts. But I am on child number 5!

If people want to do it then its fine. I only get a bit if they tell me I am somehow negligent if I dont.

Just to add.

For some children these activities are more important than to others.

Some children with developmental delay and disabilities need a bit more of a push because things are not going to just 'come' to them.

The routine of a regular, organised session can help them to grasp a new skill that they may not otherwise master.

Other kids will continue to aquire skills without much more imput than a supply of lego and lots of cuddles.

OP, I wonder if you're feeling that all these activities are something you 'should' want to do? Your post sounds as if you're saying, 'well, I tried this, it didn't work' and you feel a little defensive?

If I'm completely wrong here I'm so sorry. BUT, if that is the case, you are being completely reasonable. If your child doesn't need - and you, and the child, don't enjoy - these extra activities, don't bother with them. Don't let other people get into smug competitions about whose child does more activities if that's not your thing. It is worth saying - I might get flamed for this - that some group activities are not really good for children. I'm thinking of the 'playgroup' my older cousin's child spent 4 months at before cousin realized the lady running it teased cousin's DD for talking in complete sentences!

My dd has developmental difficulties but I work hard with her at home on these issues. In fact, I actively avoid groups and activities for reasons of comparison tbh.

However, I would say my ds got a lot out of groups like 'Sing and Sign' etc and it did help with his language skills.

Some groups are awful, not sure what the children or Mums are getting out of them tbh. I would just go with what feels right for you and your child!

Surely most Mums go to toddler groups so that they can get out of the house and have a cup of coffee with other adults? Never occurred to me to be thinking about my children.

I went to toddler group because I didn't have to tidy up the mess at the end.

i went to any groups i could, to save my sanity.

but i am totally not getting into a debate about developmental delays and early intervention with an op who isn't making a remnant of sense.