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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to wish DH would just go back to work

38 replies

Fibilou · 29/01/2010 07:30

I am 40+5 with our first. DH has been on annual leave for the last 10 days, despite being told that there was no point in taking leave before the baby came as it was likely to be at least a week late. He was convinced she would be on time or early so refused to be told.
He is driving me absolutely mad. He is completely incapable of entertaining himself and when he is at home is constantly demanding my attention/that I provide entertainment for him. We have been out every day since he has been on his leave and I am finding it exhausting and I refused to go out yesterday; all I wanted to do was sit at home in my dressing gown and surf the web. He went down the allotment for the afternoon after kicking up a great deal of fuss that I didn't want to go down there with him and keep him company. He has just got up and asked "what are we doing today, I can't stand being cooped up in this house". It took all my will not to punch him. I have got to the point now where I don't want to "go out and do anything", I want to stay at home or maybe pop out for a quick cup of tea. His ideas of "things to do" always involve massive great hikes (he thought I might like to walk 7 miles each way to the cinema yesterday)

AIBU to think
a) Serves you right, you were told not to go on leave yet
b) I am the one that is heavily pregnant so we will do what I chuffing want for a change
c) you are 30, surely you can entertain yourself
d) why don't you just go back to work, get out of my face then we will both be happy

OP posts:
Fibilou · 29/01/2010 09:37

He has spent most of this week asleep or watching videos on the internet - a complete waste of his 5 days paternity leave.

He really is such a nob at times

OP posts:
Fibilou · 29/01/2010 09:39

and thirdly he will have had nearly 3 weeks off - and if the baby is born this weekend will still only have a week with her. He has to go back to work on the 7th February

OP posts:
joanne34 · 29/01/2010 09:40

Ahhh Fibilou, so it sounds like he needs it to happen now !??

You poor thing.

Well, there's only one thing that works apparently...... and seeing as you are both present...??

NorkilyChallenged · 29/01/2010 09:40

I'm sorry but he is a nob. There's no way round it.

Is there any way he could go back in to work now? You need to tell him that you are going to need him AFTER the birth.

Gah. I'm really frustrated with his idiocy on your behalf!

diddl · 29/01/2010 09:42

I´d be annoyed also, unless he has to give quite a lot of notice of AL.

Men-they don´t get that it´s not an exact science do they?

My PIL came over to look after PFB when I went into labour with nr.2

Phoned up to say that was in labour so could they come over.

FIL (bless) "what time will you have it then?"

Jeez, if I could find an answer to that.....

Fibilou · 29/01/2010 09:43

I have told him that if the baby is not born by the beginning of the next set of shifts he is going back to work as he is simply wasting annual leave. He works extremely long hours so he did need a rest, but he is sufficiently rested now and needs to be doing something other than moping around winding me up because he is bored.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 29/01/2010 09:45

Diddl, he said yesterday "what exactly happens in labour then" . Then asked how long is takes, and looked suprised when I said "anything from half an hour to 3 days"
He seems to be taking the "la la la can't hear you" approach to this

OP posts:
NorkilyChallenged · 29/01/2010 09:51

I think he's definitely adopting a "fingers in the ears" approach by the sounds of it.

If what he has taken so far has been annual leave, then he will still be entitled to paternity leave of 5 days when the baby is born. I don't think (though someone might be able to correct me if I'm wrong) you can take paternity leave before the birth and you definitely don't need to give notice (for obvious reasons!).

Good luck with everything. He will have a baby soon and something to focus on and hopefully will stop being a child himself. He's maybe having a little internal panic and things will be better once the baby is with you and you have to get on with that

Fibilou · 29/01/2010 10:07

Norks, the paternity leave bit of his annual leave starts today. He had to book it in because of court committments (too long a story to go into) and our employer (police) make Dads book their paternity leave, you can't just phone up and say you're taking it.

OP posts:
Fibilou · 29/01/2010 10:08

or at least that's what HR told him and he believed them. I never read the force policy on paternity, just maternity (which I know inside out !)

Should have paid more attention..

OP posts:
Casserole · 29/01/2010 19:19

You can't take paternity leave before a baby is born.

See here: www.hmrc.gov.uk/forms/sc3.pdf

MorrisZapp · 29/01/2010 20:09

YANBU

I can't stand that qyestion 'what are we doing today?'. Er, you do what you want to.

Get him told. Asking his heavily pg wife to keep him entertained because he's bored on 'paternity leave' is not on.

ruddynorah · 29/01/2010 20:19

you can't take paternity leave before the baby is born.

dh is police too and yes they did try to tell him he had to book it. i armed him with the facts and he duly sorted it ie didn't book it.

oh, and i was induced at 42wks and even then didn't let him start his paternity leave until i was in established labour

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