my dd birthday and my family have upset me with the way they dont really care

[mummybegood]

Im really upset my dd birthday she got money from my parents given in card 2 days ago given to my dp when he went over, thank you very kind but no call no nothing on her day to say anything didnt even come over.
My sister forgot for the second year, I shouted at her and put the phone down, when We spoke I said when you can fit us in drop the card off.
Who do I bother with them I have always known this but im sad for my children they must know they dont care, my dp parents always there for us sometimes to much I feel sad .
Im so upset I have had to go downstairs and cry to myself and have left dp upstairs on his own whilst I talk to you on ms.

How old is your daughter, mummybegood?

2 years old,

Family!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dont upset yourself just be gald you have your children and your dp and his parents f**k the rest

i feel your pain my parents and dh parents are the same they dont give a s*t well f*k them all

and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee so sorry so cross myself for you all my family forgot for 3 days about my birthday and they alway visit on my sons birthdays at 9-10pm when they have gone to bed

happy birthday to your dd

Thank you Dmo xx

I felt the same about DD2's birthday yesterday, MIL recently passed away and FIL been dead for years, SIL came up on Sunday and made a fuss which was great. My brother was supposed to come up but at the last minute chose to do overtime at work after saying for the past week he would keep it free, he passed on her present to my Dad who gave it to DD2 in a carrier bag with no card. Am not speaking to my toxic mother so nothing from her. Just feel very sad we have so little family.

But on the otherhand I think DP and I compensated for it (probably spoiled her a bit too much)

Concentrate on the good things you have and make DD's day special.
Don't expect anything, then you are never disappointed

My Dp is great he loves our children, and I love him giving me the family I never had working hard trying the best he can,I dont care about money,bday cards it is about the thought that is what hurts me the most.xx

If your sister wants to celebrate her niece's birthday, she's just one of those people who need reminding as the birthday approaches.
Maybe you could've rung your parents to thank them for the money on your DD's birthday, so they would be sort of joining in on the day.

I'm not saying their behaviour is ideal - just thinking of ways for you to deal with them.

"im sad for my children they must know they dont care"

You know, children are remarkably accepting about all kinds of situations. They take people and their actions on face value and don't read anything into them.

Her grandparents sent a card and gave her money to choose a gift. I'm sure she's pleased with that rather than focusing on the fact she didn't see them on the day.

She probably didn't even notice that her aunt hadn't sent a card (although she did phone, yes?), but if she had, she almost certainly wouldn't go through all the torturous leap that an adult would ("Why did she forget? Is it because she doesn't love me? Have I done something wrong?" etc etc). She probably just thought, "Oh. Oooh look, another shiny present from Mummy! Yay!"

I'm not sure of the background with your parents and sister, but it sounds as though the relationship can be strained. I'd be wary of projecting your own hurts, upsets and issues around your family onto your children. It's ok to be upset with them on your own behalf, but realistically your children are likely to be pretty unaffected by what you've described

Your DD is 2. She doesn't give a toss. Why should you? Seem U to me, sorry. Well, not U, just a bit daft.

Happy Birthday to your DD!

My inlaws are a bit like this, with late cards etc (bil remembered ds first birthday 3 months after the event!), but to be honest it doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Celebrating birthdays isn't that important to a lot of people, so they just forget about them (me included). Try not to let it get to you, it doesn't necessarily mean that they don't care.

2????

I thought you were going to say 9 or 10.... chill. She has no idea.

but surely they did care about her and did remember her if they had a card and money ready for her even before the day?

agree with notanumber; you are projecting

no tanumber no phone callfrom sister ,I called her.
Thank you fragola it has bothered me this time becuase its like this at birthdays,christmas when I had my children and was in hospital giving birth , nothing at all has changed I know my kids dont notice but I do, thats what hurts, one day they will notice like I did.
I dont want it to get like that for them.
Sweetkitty I understand partly how you feel x
Mrsruffalo wise words I have thought this for along time this week has been hard I will say and have felt very vulnerable and I dont let these things bother me usually but dp parents have been their for us alot and I feel angry,embrassed about my parents it makes me reflect on what I dont have with my family maybe I should be grateful of having a dp who wants our kids to have a loving environment.
I would never let my children see how upset I am thats why im hear now.
Thank you everyone xxx

I feel your pain. DHs family are like this. SIL never phones or makes any effort to see our DCs unless we are her doorstep (200 miles away). She and all of DHs family have never remembered my DCS birthdays even though our neices birthday is a few days before our DD and we always send a present/card. The DCS are only 4 and 2 at the moment so its not a big issue for them but I dread the day they ask about it. Its natural to feel this way. Its just the lioness protecting their kids which is in us.

Forgot to mention. I very tactfully gave all of DHs family members a calendar each for christmas with the DCs birthdays written in great big red capitals. Subtle.....

DS1 has had no present/gift or call from his paternal family for 9 yrs

DS2 has never even met his paternal dragon grandmother - or other family members for that matter

Families suck a bit sometimes don't they.

My SIL is a bit crap tbh. We are having a party for DS and she can't even be bothered to say if she is coming. We have asked her and all we get a vague "not sure yet". I think she is waiting until just before and she will conveniently have something to do, her usual trick. She lives in the same city as us and sees DS about twice a year. I am actually surprised that my DS knows who she is. My brother is at uni quite a few hours away and he was talking about getting a flight down (I told him not to, don't want him using his money for that). My sister is gutted cause shes in the Navy and isn't going to be here but they just love seeing their nephew so it makes me sad when other family don't really give a toss.

I just try to focus on the family that so matter and care (mainly mine tbh). I have cousins that take much more interest than any of my ILs so I just think that in the long term, they are the ones that DS is going to know much better than his so called aunt and GPs.

The joy of family huh?!

Your DD will grow up knowing that you and her dad love her and that's actually more than some kids get.

If your family can't be arsed, well, that's ultimately their loss and not a lot you can do really.

When we were growing up, my mother's dad (he's not even worthy of the title Grandad!) never really acknowledge us (4 kids) but lavished time/attention/money on the other grandkids, we just learnt to accept it. We had a wonderful Grandad is our dad's dad but he sadly passed away when I was 13. My mum's dad had the perfect opportunity to step up and be a great grandad to us, he chose not to and quite frankly he could never have filled the shoes of our beloved Grandad anyway.

Some 20+ years later he is a sad old victor meldrew who has only ever seen pics of my DD's via my mum and I haven't seen him for 10+yrs and my siblings even longer.

You reap what you sow!

Hope your DD had a great birthday. I have a 2 year old too, they're amazing, too bad some family members don't want to be a part of watching them grow.