to expect my in-laws to leave me to discipline my own children?

[parakeet]

My MIL especially just can't seem to leave them alone - it's like she ENJOYS bossing them around. Do this, don't do that...I wouldn't mind if we had gone out and left her in charge, but it's when I'm present. Often she interrupts me telling them off, so that SHE can tell them off.

Matters came to a head on our last visit to their home. Our 4-year-old had launched into a tantrum (wanted to snatch a toy from her younger sister and I wouldn't let her have it). I was just calmly telling her that if she kept on trying to snatch it, it would be naughty corner time, when MIL starts talking over the top of me. (Shouting, in fact, not in a nasty way, but her approach is to shout in a jokey way, saying "Hey hey, what's all this noise?"

I couldn't help it. I said: "Can I deal with this please?" She walked out of the room!

YANBU this would drive me mad, infact it sounds like exactly the kind of thing my MIL would do.

I think you were handling the situation very well and I'm impressed with the restrained way in which you told your MIL to back off!

Sounds like you handled the situation in exactly the right way to me. Maybe she'll take the hint next time?

You handled the situation well and hopefully she will leave you to it now, but... can I just say in her defence that maybe she was trying to be helpful and head off the tantrum. Sometimes a distraction and a bright and breezy 'hey hey, what's all the noise?' can actually diffuse things.

nbee you're right, she WAS only trying to be helpful - but I had decided it was time to issue the naughty corner warning, so talking over the top of me was only distracting daughter from my final warning.

YANBU

Why could you not have dealt with it your own way but together? e.g. "What's all the noise?"
"It's annoying isn't it? In fact if it carries on I've told DD she'll be sitting on the step, so what's it to be DD?"
I bet she'd back you up.

My mother in law smacked my DS when he was 2 in public, in front of me, while I was dealing with his misbehaviour. Now I never smack, and am extremely anti-smacking, and shes quite aware of this.

I calmed my son down, took him to my DH to look after, walked up to her, and very calmly said "If you ever do that again, you will never see your Grandson again" and I meant it. I then picked up my son, told my DH we were leaving and left mid meal in a posh restaurant. DH had no idea what had happened as he was at the bar at the time with FIL.

Havent had an apology 11 years later, but she has never done it again.

O Lord both my Mother and MIL do this to some degree .although MIL is worse and more annoying as she gets over the top bossy and cross where my mother tends towards trying to distract.It is SO maddening.I sympathise as it has been driving me potty.

YANBU, I think you were polite enough to get your point across.

Sukie that is appalling.

I hate this. I have had to tell my nan to stop doing it. While I am there I don't need everyone else jumping in and telling DS off when I am actually quite capable of doing it myself. Plus some have different ideas of what is acceptable and I let small things that aren't that important go.

My ILs are terrible for it too. Once we were there for tea and DS done something pretty mild but me and DH said something to him, then both ILs jump in with "ahhh, bad, naughty boy" etc. It was really ott and it didn't require 4 adults to all jump in and tell him off. They come in my home and do it too, sometimes to things that I don't actually have a problem with. It pisses me off but I feel its DHs place to say something and I have said to him next time, he is to say something.

OP, you handled that in just the right way and I may take a leaf out of your book!