To object to nanny being homophobic?

[bickie]

I have always had a policy that our nanny should feel free to discuss their beliefs in our home, even if we don't agree with them. I want the children to understand that everyone has different beliefs - and that is fine. But my very catholic nanny apparently said to the children today 'men marrying other men makes God sad'. I almost died when they told me. I have explained to them that that is what she believes, but not what mummy or daddy believe. Which they are completely fine with - and understand. Do I say something, as I feel this is going over the line - or stick to my middle class 'live and let live' position?

Sorry I think YABVVU

You said say "speak of your beliefs", so she did.

If you want to say everyone has different beliefs it is YOUR job to say "that is her belief because she is a catholic"

It is not her job to phrase it in a way that is acceptable to you. Do you say "I believe, because it is the current prevailing view, that being Gay is fine and acceptable, but you kids can make up your own mind later, because other people hold opposing view because ....." ?

And I don't think it's homophobic to believe being gay is wrong. It is homophobic if you use that against a gay person. I might belive atheists are wrong, or catholics are wrong. That is allowed. What is not allowed is me discriminating on that basis.

Oh let's see. How would you deal with a nanny who told your DC that black people are thick and lazy? Or that her imaginary friend thinks Muslims are all evil terrorists? Deal with this silly bigoted bitch in the same way ie tell her to keep her fuckwitted superstitious nonsense to herself.

There is a slight difference,

evil terrorist : Means I will discriminate on the basis of perceived religion

Muslims are wrong : Doesn't mean that.

Blacks are lazy/thick: I will discriminate because I don't believe they will do a job correctly, or learn or ...

Supersitious nonsense : would have been fine
Fuckwitted superstitious nonsense: implies that you have a deeper stronger dislike of religion, and means you view religious people as stupid.

Being Gay is wrong: Nothing wrong with that

Being a perverted disgusting gay: Would show you probably are homophobic.

Well anyway that's my view

I tell the kids god is a woman . seriously lol

If god was a woman she'd have done a better bloody job in the first place.

Oh, whilst I'm here...Yes, say something. Fine(ish) that people hold different beleifs. certinaly not fine to present them as fact when they are counter to your own.

I wouldn't be happy with it at all. I don't think you should have been so free with the whole 'speak of your beliefs' thing, either. They are your children.

Our nanny is religious (we aren't) and she happily tells the children things about her religion and what she believes if they ask, but she always makes it very clear that it is what she believes and would never touch anything contentious like gay marriage with a bargepole.

Have a word with her.

Yup, Holdingpattern, religion is stupid. End of. People have every right to believe in nonsense about imaginary friends that aren't there, but no one is under any obligation to take such rubbish seriously.

It is interesting this view of 'they are your children - only your beliefs should be expressed to them'. Why should my beliefs be the only ones presented to my children? I didn't have children to breed mini-me's. And what if I'm wrong in my beliefs? I disagree with a lot of my mother's beliefs - but we agree to disagree.

Bickie: So would you be perfectly happy for someone in a position of trust (a nanny, CM, relative or teacher) to tell your children racist nonsense? Really?
I apologise if your take on it would be to allow the racist to spout crap but then say to your children 'See, some people are stupid about such issues, X may be very nice in general but s/he is wrong.'

holdingpattern: an aside in the current discussion, i know, but believing that it is wrong to be gay is homophobic. discriminating based on that belief is illegal, but it's not more homophobic than the belief itself. switch to sexism or racism - do you think that only actions can be racist or sexist? not thoughts, not beliefs?

Why on earth should a nanny have the 'right' to share homophobic or racist or misogynistic (etc) views with her charges? Totally inappropriate. I wouldn't have it. No way.

I was a nanny and are a mum and no way would I have discussed anything so huge with the children I nannied for. My children have said they want to marry me, daddy, people of the same sex and I just said you can't marry me, daddy or someone of the same sex. A civil partnership is not a marriage to me.

The nanny ought to know better. What else has she said?

You need to clarify with your Nanny what is and what is not ok.

I think what she said is homophobic bollocks and twee (not easy to achieve, got to give her that).

But she may well think you would agree as you were bought up Catholic and you have told her its ok to share her views with the kids.

YANBU for being upset at what she said but YABatbitU for expecting her to know what bits of her faith and beliefs its ok to share indoctrinate your children with

FFS @ 'makes God sad' yeah - I bet two men loving each other is at the top of his/her list right now.

CGGH - very true - a lot of other things to be sad about if he/she is up there! To sort of try and answer all the questions at once (is that allowed on Mumsnet - I don't know - i'm new) Our nanny is an older Italian woman, who is loving, kind, quirky, stuck in her ways - but adores our children and us. So, no, I never sat her down and 'discussed what she could and couldn't say to the kids' - I just asked her to love them. Which she has for 5 years. I guess I do tolerate a lot of her catholic beliefs because - A) a lot of them are great - and B) I am not someone who gets too uptight about things. Things that really bother other mums, I try and paste a look of outrage on my face, when inside I'm thinking 'this is a problem because?'. Until picking on gay men - her very traditional view of the world has never been a problem for me. On the whole, I try and give the kids my view on the world, but also not too damning of other views on the world.

Actually, you do need to speak to your Nanny and tell her that as your DC's godparent is gay, to keep her anti-gay crap to herself - that you do not want your children told that their beloved godfather 'makes god sad'. Your DS might be gay - do you want the nanny giving him the impression that there is something wrong with him?

YANBU
I'd be outraged actually. Yes, I'd have a talk with her, and make sure she knows she is not to preach at them again.

Did you sack her?

YADNBU

some people on here can't seem to differentiate between objective sharing of views and subjective agenda pushing.

stating
'The Catholic religion doesn't support men marrying men' is a factual statement with no implicit judgement from the speaker.

Whereas, stating that being gay makes god sad is just fucking grotesque and yes to PPs, it is fucking homophobic and needs to be challenged ASAP.

as for your children, encourage them to question this type of information. They know their godfather and presumably love him and they may encounter this bullshit from other people in their lives. A repeated 'why?' often shuts bigots up as it forces them to dissect an opinion which has absolutely no rational root.

This thread is 9 years old!

There’s opinions and out and out bigotry.
What if she said a black man and a white woman marrying makes god sad? Is racism just and opinion? I would not have a homophobe looking after my children any more than I would a racist.

I couldn’t have a nanny who thought that way. She’s helping bring up your children - I don’t see how that’s going to work if she holds views that are so abhorrent, and so different to your own.

Whoops, sorry for feeding a zombie!

Is she actually a "wonderful woman" though, if she's a massive homophobe? I wouldn't have thought so.

Middle class ‘live and let live’ . You can teach your children that people have opposing views without paying someone to indoctrinate them.

You can't have it both ways... you can't say you encourage her to share her own beliefs even when they aren't the same as yours, but then change your stance just when it happens to be an opinion your REALLY disagree with? It is either a blanket: she can freely share all her views and opinions, OR she keeps them to herself.