More would I be if I was to allow 4 year old tds1 to play with ds2s toys more suitable for ds1s age?

[Snowfun]

My mil has got a thing about ds2 being older than what he is. She is always saying he doesn't play with "little boys" toys only "big boys" toys. Have pointed out that isn't the case but she doesn't listen or chooses not to. Ok ds2 does play with big brothers toys and visa versa like in all families and he plays with little cars and other toys which are strictly speaking for over 3s.He has a kitchen and cooker set he adores which should be for 3s. However in general he likes to play with little people range elc toys duplo bricks etc things which are geared for ds2s age (2). Nothing wrong with that at all as far as I'm concerned.

However mil disagrees and will often point out to him thats a baby toy what are you doing playing with tthat. Aparantly her sister rang mil before christmas and asked about present suggestions and she said no baby toys at all only big boy toys for both of them even ds2 is not interested in little boys toys! Consequently ds2 got little cars and a motorbike. The car he doesnt mind but the bike he isn't fussed over and ds1 plays with it more the time.

Anyway pil gave ds2 a farm set for christmas meant for older children. If he was a little older it would have been ideal as he likes farms and tractors etc. He plays with the tractor (also got a similar tractor from my parent he plays with aswell.) THe rest he doesn't really play with much. He insists on puting the small bits and pieces in his mouth althoug I've told him off for that and snapped off various bits from the set!

He's been lovely today with his little people farm set connecting fences for the animals playing tractors etc etc. So my dilemma is do I put it away till he's just a little older or am I unreasonable to allow ds1 to play with it as he loves it? Dh thinks I am as it is ds2s farm set not ds1s.

Children should be playing with the toys they like playing with, the ages on toy are recommendations not commands, sometimes a particular toy is advised at an age due to small parts which can be a choking hazard in younger children, your MIL sounds like a total loon.

Has your DH forgotten what sharing is?

I suggest you tell them all to sod off and let the boys play with the toys they enjoy - for good measure tell MIL if she keeps saying it's a babies toy, she will not be welcome in your home!

They will each play with them differently and will learn to play with them together. I would only put away anything that is dangerous for the youngest to play with unsupervised in your opinion (not some stupid age on the box).

If they are still whittering on after you have told them to sod off - tell them to find something worth worrying about!

I must admit I have put away the small well tiny actually "milk churns" as I was really concerned he insisted on putting in his his mouth every 5 minutes. As I said I have never been confined by the age recomendations "3+" thing. However she has always said this about all sorts of issues since he was about 15 months bottles are another example. Always says it to ds2 not me though drives me nuts!

as long as it's safe, let him play with toys he wants to play with

all of mine love duplo, we've got loads. They like building castles, the last one was taller than dd3 who is nearly 5! My eldest is 11 and still loves playing with it

Personally, I agree that he should play with what he wants and finds stimulating, providing it is not a safety hazard, i.e. if he is still mouthing things, then a lot of 3+ toys could present a choking risk.

But when you have an older child there's a balancing act as you can't restrict them to 0-3 toys becuase of the choking risk to the younger one. IMO, if you want DS1 to play with it, then I would say allwo DS2 to play too, after you've put aside the really small pieces (sounds like you have!). Once they tire of it, put it somewhere they can't reach on their own. I think some common sense and supervision goes a long way.

tell her to sod off and worry about something worthwhile

I have two DS's, 3 and 7, DS2 3 loves to play Star Wars with light savers and DS2 7 loves to play Duplo, they mix and match, play together, play apart, it is par for the course when you have two the same age.

It's very cute my eldest make me younger be Yoda, he even has a stick very like Yoda's we found in the woods and he walks bent over. Very funny.

same sex I meant to say

I suppose my point really is ds2 isn't actually bothered with it but ds1 loves it and enjoys playing with it. However I am aware that it was given to ds2 not ds1 iyswim.

The thing is ds2 may never love it as he may not be into farms, you just don't know. So if it were me I would let ds1 play with it and enjoy. It may also encourage the boys to play together. I bought something really gorgous for my youngest that he doesn't like but my eldest loves so I gave it to her. All our toys do the rounds anyway and then get passed on to my friends kids.

They are really little. Yours and mine not really relevant yet?

I think telling your 4 yr old that he can't play with it because it is your 2 yr old's toy is sending the wrong messages about sharing.

I would just let him get on with it but remind him from time to time how DS2 is sharing just in case your DS1 ends up thinking it is his.

A lot of toys and books and games given to our children when younger have just become family toys and books and games.

Although, I wouldn't let him play with it if he was using it in a way that could break it.