to be fed up of these phrases?

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Every newspaper has an article about men and parenthood. 'Poor men cant adjust', 'its a huge shock for them', 'they dont know how to deal with the responsibility'...

Every program on tv has some pseudo-psychologist telling how to suport the poor man in this very confusing moment of his life.

It is not wonder the forums are full of stories about men who repeat these phrases.

We are not talking about 18 year olds with unplaned pregnancy,couples with financial or housing problems, illness and disability. No, men in their 30s and 40's, with nice job and nice house and a cleaner, and a baby that was their decision to have.

What is so bloody shocking? That the newborn doesn't go to the supermarket to buy them beer?

AIBU to think that
a) it is all a bit melodramatic

b) the more they read it in papers the more they believe it themselves?

There is a definite culture of absolving men from responsibility that some men are happy to go along with.

Omg its too big and full of mistakes! Nobody is going to read it.

hmm - I@m not sure - there are plenty of women who go into planned pregnancies who find parenthood a huge shock and a difficult adjustment period - given that the man doesn't have to walk around with a child growing inside him for 9 months before hand I do think it's fairly expected that a man is (generally speaking) going to take longer to adjust to being a parent.

I have often wondered about these poor men that can't cope. They haven't gone through pregnancy, child birth, breast feeding and often swan off back to work 2 weeks after the baby arrived.

On balance, I think it is harder for women to adjust to a new baby. But it has to be the men who are centre of attention. These "men" can grow up and stop whining.

xpost with Mannatee

toccata, yes but women have the excuse of hormones.

hormones or not I think it's a bit rich for women to say that's it "ok" for new mothers to admit they're finding it hard to cope, finding it a huge shock, finding the sudden responsibility hard etc etc and then men aren't supposed to be able to do the same.

I'm fed up too...both parents have to adjust and he did n't have an 8lb plus babby kicking him in the bladder!just because he's a man he is still a frickin parent...
many women I know make a rod for their own backs when it comes to child rearing..

in my case when my children were born from the very beginning my DH was hands on..he gave my DDs their first bath after leaving hospital...did everything apart from breast feed and on the second pg I would express so he could feed too...
but i was actually discouraged by other women especially family members..they worried about me allowing him to care for his own children??..not with bad intentions of course but it was like a rule ...mothers do everything and fathers hold the baby till it poops!
what if something happened to me?..he needs to know this stuff..he's their father..I really had to fight not the feel like a bad or uncaring mother because I was happy to let my DH get totally involved...

I just think its strange..I'm so glad my DH although he had his own adjustment issues (I was besotted with my babies and he felt a bit left out)saw that I had major adjustment issues too..we helped each other.

It seems like many of them have affairs and they all use the above lines.

My male colleagues were relieved to be back at work after 2 weeks. It is nudge wink amongst them though they know it is not PC to admit it.

I can't say I blame them.

I think it is a much bigger adjustment for women on almost all fronts, physical, emotional, hormonal, philosophical ... but women are seen not to have any choice but to go through it.

Whereas 'poor' men have to be encouraged to get involved.

I suppose men do get displaced, and rightly so, by the baby. And it is a more abstract experience for them, not having carried the baby in their body or able to breast feed.

But it is Not That Difficult, no more or probably less than what his partner had to endure.

On our way to hospital, in labour with dc1, we dropped in to MIL's to tell her what was happening. She cried and hung onto her son whilst wailing to me "Look after him, it's a horrible thing for men to go through"
Well! Excuse me, but if I had the choice, I would be the one sitting reading a magazine, refusing to give back rubs because my hand was a bit sore, rather than being in screaming agony and pushing a ten pound baby out!
I rather think men have it easy

tialys at your mil!

I 've spilled my coffee on the keyboard, this was a gem

But it's OK. The government are spending millions on publishing a leaflet, to advise men on how they can "feel involved" when their child is born.
Any man who needs such a leaflet would be kicked out of the delivery suite pretty sharpish. I showed dh very early on how to become involved. "Baby: here he is. Nappies: there they are. I'm off for a bath."

'on how they can feel involved'

You see this is what pisses me off. the media -or in this case the goverment- makes them feeling like poor victims.

Yes, it is a life change but not as much hard work as pregnancy and birth.

Of course life changes. Imagine if we lived static lives! But it is a positive change, why the melodrama?

We should ask Justine. She had the pleasure of sitting next to Ed Balls on the GMTV sofa last week, listening to him bounce on about how "dads are telling us that they want help in feeling involved." so the government are "listening and responding" to that message by spending millions of money we haven't got in a bloody recession producing a leaflet to help them! How about spending it on a few more midwives and health visitors, to improve the lot of the women who are doing all the flipping work?