To expect more from my other half?

[mumtobod]

I am 24 weeks pregnant and so far have nothing organised for the new arrival. I keep trying to discuss the need to buy necessities and decorate or at least clear the spare room to make a nursery but I'm just not getting anywhere. He's either too tired to discuss anything or more interested in his open university management course!

Last night I was told to chill out and stop panicking which didn't help and I don't think I am. Am I expecting too much from him and should I just go out and buy it all myself??

FYI This is my first baby and he has 2 boys already but they are now 10 and 14.

YABU
You've got 16 weeks yet- practically 4 months! AGES. Agree it makes sense to stagger big purchases but really, in my experience, men are less than useless at all of that stuff anyway so you get on with the buying and if he hasn't cleared spare room out by the time you're 36 weeks, then panic. In the meantime, chill and give the man a break.

agree with MMC. YABU. definitely too early to panic.

Chill - your baby doesn't need his/her own room until s/he's six months old anyway. Current advice is in with you for those first months so plenty of time.

It also gives you time to find out what you really need (themed, coordinated nurseries are overrated) and get things secondhand.

Agree with willsurvive. No need to start panicking yet. Try and spread the cost of the essentials out over the next few months. And remember that there's no need to get the nursery ready for absolutely ages. Of course the choice of where your new baby sleeps is entirely up to you, but current advice is that he/she should be in your room for the first few months at least.

I see both sides here. I like to get organised in advance too.

How are you feeling at the moment? If you are not too big and awkward and not feeling too knackered why not start clearing a bit yourself?

Looking back now I wish I'd done more sorting out before my baby was born, as there's no time to ebay old stuff you no longer want/list it on freecycle etc afterwards.

You have got quite a bit of time, so just take it slowly and do a little at a time. He'll probably join in when you get going too.

oh, in the nicest possible way - YABU sorry.

Firslty, he is a man! He wont get it, not until the baby is born - if you leave it to him, he will be rushing out to buy babygros when you are in labour! That doesn't mean he doesn't care!

Secondly - it really is too early to panic - if you see something you like, buy it, RELAX and enjoy your pregnancy.

Thirdly - the baby doesn't need to be in his/her room until she is at least six months old. But don't do what we did - DD in our room until she was three . Partly through lazyitis on our part and partly being pfbs (even though this was MY second - dp's first).

Also, if he is working and doing an OU course he will be pre-occupied, i should imagine that takes up a lot of mind space. But don't worry - you have the important bit!

I disagree and think YANBU. You don't know what might happen in the next few months. Hopefully not, obviously, but the baby might come early, or you might have some health issues later on. I personally like to get important things organised well in advance. It's his baby too so he should share the work.

As for those who say the baby should be sharing your room for the first six months so you can do it after baby is born - get real! Firstly, room sharing is a very personal matter of choice. (They are guidelines, not the law you know, and I think the evidence behind them was debatable anyway.)

Secondly, even if she does choose to share at the start, it can still be very useful to have a fully kitted out nursery, where you can keep most of the baby stuff, to save you cluttering up your room (unless you are lucky enough to have a massive bedroom). We did choose to share and we found the separate baby room v. useful.

Thirdly, are you really suggesting it will be easier to kit out the baby room with a 3-month-old hanging off your breast than now?

I can see both sides. When our dd was born, my dh was so busy at work that I had to make all the decisions about what to buy (not much choice though, she was born in Oman). I got her cot, clothes, nappies, wipes etc etc. The only thing he picked was her car seat and that was after hours of internet research. He wasn't disinterested, just extremely busy.
Do what others have suggested, start buying the essentials now and clear a space for nappy changing.

DD2 didn't have her own room until she was over 1 . Actually even DD1 didn't have the cot put up until she was about 3 months and we moved the computer out of the spare bedroom.

TBH - I would either get it all yourself (that's what the internet is good for!) or just tell him "okay, we are going baby shopping on this date", make a list, and go and get it sorted.

Umm, get real?
The evidence for room sharing is not at all debateable, its very solid.

YABU. He works and is doing OU, the man is busy not lazy. And you're pregnant not ill, do it yourself. YABU.

Parakeet, FSID says

"A key message to keep your baby safe and healthy is that the safest place for your baby to sleep - night and day - is in a crib or cot in a room with you for the first six months."

It is indeed up to the parent to decide where the baby sleeps but don't say the evidence isn't clear. It is now NHS official advice too. The only thing that is not clear is why it works.

YANBU

I would want to be getting organised now too - there's no need to leave everything until the last minute when you are heavily pregnant.

I would also be concerned about his level of interest in the baby & lack of compassion shown to you...

Interesting responses and thanks to all of you. I really am not panicking, I would just like him to take an interest especially in the car seat/travel system which is so complicated and I believe most important/urgent issue.

It may be 4 months away but you don't know what will happen and we only have every other weekened to do things as we have his two boys the other weekends.

I do agree baby will stay in with us for the first few months and I actually do have my Moses basket sorted (second hand from my sis so V easy).

And to pooexplosions - I work full time too and give him loads of time to do his OU by doing everyting at home except the hoovering so I don't think I am expecting a lot for a little input.

oh poo, you do make me smile!!