Am that I have had to make this choice, but...
My grandad is 97, has pretty severe dementia and is also pretty severely physically disabled. Last couple of visits I'm pretty sure he had no idea who I was most of the time, although he definitely enjoyed seeing the children. (just because he likes kids, not because he knew who they were iyswim). He is getting worse and every time i get an unexpected phonecall I worry it might be about him.
I live 3 hours away from him by car and I'm getting married this summer, and i have decided to get married near where I live, rather than near where he lives, which means it is unlikely he could come.
I feel really mean, as he looked after me regularly as a child and I really respect and love him, but the fact is that he wouldn't know what was going on (especially since we are having a nontraditional wedding - no church (doing it in a theatre) no white dress, our children will be bridesmaids and so on) and his presence would mean my mum would be "on duty" all the time as she, along with my nana, is his main carer. He will have to either stay the night in a nursing home or have a carer stay overnight in his house as everyone will be at the wedding though.
The other thing is, and I hate to think it, he might not still be around by summertime anyway and will most probably have got even more ill if he is around. He is already showing signs of getting a bit violent when frustrated (although as he can't walk he isn't too much of a risk to others if they can jump out of his reach) and takes two people to get him on the loo or whatever, and is nearly impossible to get in the car even now.
AIBU and callous to have made plans near where I live (and where my life is now), should I move the wedding to be near him?
PS, we are not doing a big wedding, just signing the forms the day before then having basically a party in the local amateur theatre with a little ceremony of our own devising. Our entire budget is about £300 or so, doing it over there would make it a lot more expensive and complicated. Also I think my Grandad (when he knows who I am) has assumed that I have already got married, as I live with DP and have two kids with him and Grandad is very oldfashioned.