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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to send DS to after school club again?

32 replies

mylifemykids · 25/01/2010 13:41

DH thinks IABU so thought I'd see what others think!

DS (nearly 5) is in reception class. He's a bright little boy, joins in with class discussions, goes to a session on his own twice a week with YR2 children which doesn't faze him BUT he hasn't got very many friends in his class. He isn't at all bothered by the large group of boys who go on play dates after school each week, he's never been on one. He rarely gets invited to parties (which again upsets me more than it does him). He can be quite lazy sometimes, he'd rather sit and read/draw/watch TV/play on (educational) websites than run around like a 'normal' 4 year old.

So I decided to try him in an afterschool club that I knew quite a few of his class were going to be attending too. When I picked him up after his first session last week he told everyone he loved it, but then when he was on his own with me he burst into tears and said he didn't want to go again. When I asked him why he said it was because he missed me and just wanted to go home when the bell rang for end of school so he could read his book.

I told him he had to at least try it for one more week. My reasoning was that it was something new, he was unsure about trying something new and therefore after another week he might be ok. DH however thinks I shouldn't force him to go again if he doesn't want to go.

AIBU sending him in the hope he'll end up loving it and make a few new friends but knowing that, in reality, he might spend the day at school worrying about it and probably getting upset again??

OP posts:
Bramshott · 26/01/2010 10:52

Ah, I see - so it is an after school sports club, rather than and "after school club" as such (which tends to imply childcare for working parents after school).

thedollyridesout · 26/01/2010 10:55

I agree with your DH. It's lovely that he wants to go home with you and read his book atm. There will be plenty of time for friends later.

racmac · 26/01/2010 11:11

Not sure why you are trying to force him into being a child he is not.

He likes reading and colouring and doesnt want to be made to do other stuff at the moment - he's telling you and your not listening to him?

There is plenty of time for him to get an interest in other stuff - he is 5

porcamiseria · 26/01/2010 13:09

please let him off, he is only 4! not all of us are social animals anyway, and he is just a diddy 4 year old.

also I agree, reading and drawing is a great activity for a child to do. Just as "normal" as running around in my opinion.

You say he is happy normally, so let him be and dont push more onto him, and try and "!force" him into having friends, you seem to be the worried one not him!

ruhavingalarf · 26/01/2010 13:33

My DS 6 yo is always happier if I am around.

He's bright, happy at school, has a group of friends he sticks with now, but for a while ( in Reception ) could take or leave friends - really wasn't that bothered. It was me that was bothered. I was concerned about his social and emotional development. Where he raced ahead of his peers in other areas, I thought he may trail here.
He rarely enjoyed parties, hardly ever got invited on playdates and just wanted to be with me. I tried social engineering but really its futile if they aren't bothered.

During his Rec Yr he really grew emotionally and over the last year has caught up with his peers socially. His teacher says he is sensitive and caring to others and very attuned to what others want.

I have learned he's happiest when its an activity that can burn off fuel, use that racing mind and have me around, although I don't need to be there now. He loves tennis, swimming and football because I stay and watch, and is less keen on Beavers as I'm not there.

Listen to your little guy and work out together whats best for you both right now.

ellenb · 26/01/2010 13:45

My DS is also in Reception class and in the village we live they have a class for football for his age group. At least 6 other boys from his class go and I took DS for about 5 weeks - but he didn't really enjoy it. He was quite happy doing all the skills by himself, but hated playing in teams! I, just like you, thought it would be good for him to play with the boys from his class outside of school, and also a chance for me to meet their parents. As I always say to DS - you've got to try things more than once before you choose not to do something. He does seem to gravitate towards solitary occupations though - he loves swimming, running and cycling!

Jamieandhismagictorch · 26/01/2010 18:01

I find it one of the hardest things about being a parent - when to urge them on, and when to leave them be.

I do think that we can end up projecting our own anxieties onto them when they will muddle through in their own way in the end.

Agree with you ellen - I like mine to try things first.

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