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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my partner to smoke weed?

22 replies

MummyOnTour · 25/01/2010 00:45

My partner stopped smoking weed when I found out I was pregnant 2 years ago. A couple of months ago his best mate (single and childless) has moved down the road from us and now my partner has started smoking with him every day.

At first he was going out for an hour or so almost every evening after our daughter was in bed, but after I moaned about that he has started smoking in the daytime, straight after work, with him the last couple of days.

I hate it and it's really affecting our relationship as I'm constantly nagging him about it, which makes him want to do it more. He says I should concentrate on the positive sides of him rather than his faults, and just chill out. Am I over-reacting?

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 25/01/2010 00:47

Weed smokers are very dull. I couldn't fancy one. Maybe emphasise this by withdrawing the bedroom action?

Tortington · 25/01/2010 00:49

no you are not over reacting.

daily use is a habit. this is quite different from having the occsional spliff and eating the contents of the fridge

giraffesCantCeilidhDance · 25/01/2010 00:53

YANBU

Apart from anything else is stink

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 01:04

YANBU if he does it every day, i have no problem with the odd smoke, each to their own i say! But i can imagine how its putting a strain on your relationship, my brother does it constantly, he lives in his own little bubble. Is it skunk or hash?

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 01:10

if it's skunk it doesn't even have to be every day to have a potentially massive impact on him (and you).

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 01:17

depends on the strain really depends on his tolerency level. but ikwym. My dad lives in amsterdam and i went a bought some skunk..i swear i was just as stoned when i woke up as when i went to bed!

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 01:19

believe me - someone can appear to be absolutely fine, and very tolerant of it, but you often have no idea what's really happening to them until it's almost too late.

meerkatsandkookaburras · 25/01/2010 01:23

i wouldnt tolerate that at all he should be at home supporting you and spending time wih you not spending every spare minute with his mate, plus when hes been on the weed for ageds is he suitable to be helping you then anyway with the child/children?? spending on evenings wiht friends is one thing, putting them and the weed before your family is another in my opinion its wrong!

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 01:28

anyhow, I'm sure the "well I used to smoke weed when I was younger and I was fine" brigade will be here soon, so I'm going to hide the thread.

But I will just say before I go - the strains we have now - even of hash are much stronger than when many of us probably smoked it in our younger days.

It's quite possible for you to not have any idea what effects the drugs are having on mental health (psychosis can actually be remarkably well hidden if they are otherwise "well" mentally), it doesn't even need to be regular (ie every day) for it to have a potentially horrific outcome.

I speak from experience here, hence the reason I'm going to hide the thread before the "it's only a bit of weed" folks come along

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 01:35

psychosis is quite rare and happens after years of excessive use awas, i agree that it can bring on mental health problem i.e depression, paranoia, Schizophrenia etc.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 01:38

no - it's not just after "years" of "excessive" ues - it can happen after months of irregular (2-3 times a week) use too.

And while it may have been rare in the past - it's increasingly more common (even after "short" periods of use) with the new strains that are around these days.

CrosswordGeek · 25/01/2010 01:47

I refuse to let my XP see DD until he has stopped, and proved that he has stopped, smoking weed and taking other drugs.
YANBU.
Your child needs a father with a full frame of mind. You wouldn't accept drinking all day every day, and neither should you with marijuana.

I'm an ex addict and can tell you that it absolutely fucks with your life, even if you think that "cutting down" to now and then makes it okay. It doesn't. It has it's pros, unlike alcohol, but it has many cons when used as a recreational drug.

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 01:51

and to echo the last post (before I really do hide the thread - I should learn to just hide straight away on these as it does arouse very strong emotions) it doesn't just fuck with the users life - it can fuck with their families life too. My H's "affaird" with skunk and hash was relatively short, but it has left memories that will never leave any of us.

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 01:54

ahem awas

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 01:58

yes agree any drug use can devastate a family legal or otherwise, i have an aunt who has not only messed up her daughters life through heroin but her grandchilds as well. sorry to hear you have been affected too awas

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 01:59

trust me littlemis - I don't need to read any leaflets - I've LIVED the hell that is someone rapidly affected by smoking cannabis and skunk over a short period of time. I've talked at length with his mental health team, he's told me stories of others he met during his 3 week stint (and 4 weeks attending OT sessions there afterwards), out of a relatively small group - he wasn't the only one that had been affected similarly (although none to such a horrendous level as he was - they all managed to get help before it was - nearly - too late).

Awassailinglookingforanswers · 25/01/2010 02:03

1 in 10 isn't really that rare either is it .

And as it says - those with a dispotion towards mental illness are more at risk.........well if you've never suffered any form of mental illness, and don't know that anyone in your family has suffered from one either then there's no way of knowing if you are one of those people

god you know I've hidden this thread, and still come back to it I really should leave it, not going to do me any good.

CrosswordGeek · 25/01/2010 02:15

The introduction of another stronger strain of weed sent one of my friends to a psychiatric hopsital. After being convinced that his Dad was trying to crash the car on the motorway.

People who have a pre-existing mental health problem, or an underlying one, are actually more prone to be DRAWN to smoking weed. The "desired" side effects are something that a lot of people with mental health problems crave. Help with sleep, something to stimulate appetite, and a way of turning your brain off. But you don't turn it off, you turn it to mush.

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 02:16

i'm really sorry to see that youv'e been through that. It must of been awful for you and your family. However i used to work with adults (for a while) children and young people with addiction issues, and phychosis is fairly rare.
Believe me i'm not looking to wind to up or get into a heated discussion, i can only imagine what you went through, which must have been terrible. What i'm saying to you is an imformed statement.

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 02:21

1 in 100. suffer from phychosis, more frequent to suffer form another mental illness i.e depression, paranoia, schizophrenia etc, but as crosswordgeek says you may have a pre-disposed condition which cannabis can bring about the onset of the illness

littlemissfixit · 25/01/2010 02:33

around 10% of all users may have a phsychotic episode the times

Original poster
MummyOnTour · 25/01/2010 15:35

Thanks a lot for all of your kind advice everyone

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