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AIBU?

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Original poster

I'm being silly aren't I?

20 replies

MrsChemist · 23/01/2010 22:08

JUst called DH at work. His mobile wasn't answering, and he should have finished nearly an hour ago. Just wanted to know if he wanted anything to eat when he got back.

He works in a pub and left the house at 8 this morning (12 1/2 hour shift and it takes an hour to get there and an hour back), so he has been gone all day.

While the manager was passing the phone to him I heard his best friend (and soon to be godfather of our son) put on this high pitched, mocking, fishwife waving a rolling pin voice, and said "where are you? when are you going to be home? What are you doing?"

Then DH came on and said he was having a few drinks after work if I was ok with that. I said that was ok and I would see him later.

I don't mind him having pints after work once in a while, and it is only once in a while, so I won't begrudge him at all, so I haven't got a fucking clue where his mate gets off thinking I'm some sort of nag and mocking me in front of people I know. I've not heard from DH all day, so now I'm made to feel like a naggy bitch because I dared to call my husband after he finished work.

He used to go out drinking with his mate a lot more, but since DS has come along, he hasn't seen him as much. His friend is clearly labouring under the delusion that life would go on as normal, and he would still have his drinking buddy. (I'm not just getting this from what I heard on the phone. He's been very cool with me since DS was born, and I always suspected this was why.)
I don't care if he was fucking joking, it hurt my feelings. Am I taking this too seriously? Should I have a quiet word with DH, or should I just not mention it?

OP posts:
moffat · 23/01/2010 22:12

I would be hurt by this too, you are not being silly. I would mention it to dh and ask if his friend does it alot. It may seem lighthearted but dh should not tolerate people making fun of you.

IsThatTheTime · 23/01/2010 22:12

YANBU, but his mate is a knob, he is jealous of your child ffs and you should try very hard not to waste time & energy being bothered by it. Have a bath and a glass of wine and maybe a massive bar of chocolate x

AnyFucker · 23/01/2010 22:16

he works an hour away ?

how will he get home then, after his "few drinks" ?

and yes, his mate was acting like a twat, I hate that kinda puerile claptrap about the "ball and chain"

they need a fucking kick up the arse

a bit worried about the travel arrangements though....

teaandcakeplease · 23/01/2010 22:17

I wouldn't mention it when he gets in. Maybe in a few days if the conversation comes up, you should say how petty you thought it was and completely insulting (substitute word here for your chosen one ), as you are more than happy for him to have a pint after work. You were just being nice by wanting to know his ETA, so dinner would be ready/ almost ready for him when he got home.

I wouldn't bring it up when he gets home tonight though.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to know your other halves plans, so you're not hanging around waiting to eat dinner with them, or something similar. I don't think you're bring unreasonable. I think his friend is obviously feeling a bit boisterous and cheeky tonight (too much alcohol?) and clearly doesn't know you too well (or as well as he thinks he does) otherwise he wouldn't assume that you were like that.

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 23/01/2010 22:17

i would tell your dh what you heard and say it hurt your feelings but also that you think his friend is missing his company.

Original poster
MrsChemist · 23/01/2010 22:18

I have wine and will have a bath with DS. I had salmon and cream cheese bagels, so there is no room for chocolate. I'll save my asking DH until tomorrow when he is sober. He'll be a few sheets to the wind methinks

OP posts:
cory · 23/01/2010 22:19

AnyFucker, for all we know the OPs dh may be coming home on the bus or the train or on foot or even by ferry, depending on where they live. Bit early to worry about travel arrangements, isn't it, when we have no evidence he'll be driving. Not everybody does, you know.

Original poster
MrsChemist · 23/01/2010 22:20

The buses run until 3 on a Saturday. Travel is pretty cheap, just a bit long.

OP posts:
overmydeadbody · 23/01/2010 22:20

men say stupid things like this to wind each other up, regardless of whether their wives/partners/girlfriends are actually these types, so I would just ignore it and not take it personally.

Don't mention it to your DH, it's not worth it, and assume his friend doesn't actually think you are a nag, he probably just thought he was being funny (men are stupid like this)

Original poster
MrsChemist · 23/01/2010 22:20

He can't drive, he has a knackered knee.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsChemist · 23/01/2010 22:22

I suppose it could have been a bit of banter, but he does know me, and should have known this would have been hurtful.

OP posts:
CMOTdibbler · 23/01/2010 22:22

TBH, sounds like a pretty typical thing for blokes to say, and not worth getting wound up over

AnyFucker · 23/01/2010 22:31

cory, keep your hair on

was a reasonable question, IMO

and I wasn't rude about it

mrsbean78 · 23/01/2010 22:56

I totally and utterly disagree with everyone who says it's 'typical' as if this makes it okay. It's bloody inappropriate and anti-feminist is what it is, and I would be completely and utterly pissed off with it.

I agree this friend is probably just irritated that life isn't continuing as normal after your dh has had a kid - and if this friend doesn't have them himself, he probably won't understand the massive sea change.. but that doesn't make it okay either.

Whether or not you discuss it with your dh depends on your relationship. I would.. but I don't think my dh would be annoyed or think less of me for being irritated with for being mocked in this belittling way so from my POV it's a non-issue. That doesn't mean my dh would have knocked it on the head with the friend - that's easier said than done - but I think he'd understand why I was a bit hurt by it.

Coldhands · 24/01/2010 06:52

His mate is jealous of the time that your DH spends with his wife and child (how dare he abandon his friend to be with his family ).

I'm guessing that he is single too. Could be a bit jealous perhaps? This does not give him an excuse to make fun of you. Would your DH have said anything to him after? You should let him know how it made you feel, and say about how his friend has been cool towards you. He needs to grow up IMO. How old is he? 16?

FernieB · 24/01/2010 07:35

Sounds like a fairly typical jokey thing to say. I wouldn't bother about it. Do you and your friends sometimes laugh at your other halves, or complain about them?

Tee2072 · 24/01/2010 07:37

I don't think you are being silly at all.

If it was me I'd mention it to DH (when he's sober and rested) and I'd say something to the friend when I saw him.

It was rude, it was mean, and it was untrue.

The friend needs to grow up and realize your DH has responsibilities that have nothing to do with him and that, as his wife, he deserves nothing but his friend's respect.

skidoodle · 24/01/2010 07:50

Agree with tee

the fact that lots of men make nasty sexist jokes about women is shit, and the expectation that we should just let it go so we won't get further accused of being uptight, humourless harridans is part of it.

If this man is about to be a godfather to your son he's practically family. I think you should speak to him about how disrespectful he's been and how he's hurt your feelings. There's no way I would want a godparent fir one of my children who publicly ridiculed one of their parents in front of strangers.

EssenceOfJack · 24/01/2010 09:01

TO add another view DH's mates always do things like this, purely because I am not a nag.
They will do it to my face in a jokey way so is there a chance it coul dhave been meant like that?
if not then mention it to DH and see what he says.

gtamom · 24/01/2010 09:21

That would have hurt my feelings too.
But not sure if I would say anything though.
He was just teasing your dh.

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