to contemplate not letting my friend look after my DD as she is ALWAYS ill afterwards

[LeilaA]

A good friend of mine who lives locally has a DS the same age as my DD (3). She often offers to look after my DD for the day, so I can work. But, every single time, she comes home and is ill the next day, cold/gastro/runny nose. She just doesn't look after them like I would. She lets them play outside in just a tracksuit (despite me sending her in layers of clothes/coats/scarves etc). She doesn't wash their hands before eating. Her DS is always ill, and always snotty, and she encourages kissing and cuddles all the time. I don't want to ruin our friendship, and I feel by bringing anything up, I would be criticising her, but what would you do.....?

what a good immune system your dd muct be building

Er... build up my daughter's immune system somewhat?

Kissing and cuddles . What a bitch.

if you don't like the childcare your friend provides..why don't you pay for some?

don't criticise her - just don't send your dd any more if you don't want to. There's nothing to criticise imo, she has a different approach than you do, that's all.

If you're not happy with it, then don't let her look after her.

I can't see that kisses and cuddles are wrong, I think it's nice to be affectionate, but each to their own.

The only thing I would be concerned about is the "gastro" - if she has a dodgy tummy after every visit then I'd be questioning the food hygiene.

The washing hands before eating thing would bother me, and your daughter is too young to maintain that standard herself IMO. But that will change. When she offers, I would instead suggest all meeting up together so that you can keep an eye on the handwashing bit, and keep her friendship.

LeilaA, you'll laugh at this thread in a few years.

what a load of bollocks.

Kissing and not wearing a coat is making your child ill?

I suggest buying one ofthose zorbing balls and sealing your child inside to protect it from the ills of the world.

Being cold, doesn't cause you to catch a cold, infact quite the opposite.

Unless the family had been mucking out farm animals immediately prior to eating, then washing hands isn't strictly necessary.

I presume that you don't ever handle coins/keys/door handles/shopping trolleys etc as these are laden with bacteria?

It sounds as if your DD has quite a poor immune system if she gets ill simply from playing in another childs house.

I'd be concerned about her letting your DD wear a tracksuit, personally.

That aside, nobody gets ill from not wearing a coat and scarf. If they did, my DD would have permanent pneumonia.

Not keen on the hand-washing thing, though. I'd have a proper think about your childcare arrangements if you have to work.

pmsl HeraldAngel!

Wow, I didn't expect quite such a battering....I certainly don't wrap her up in cotton wool, I live in Scotland where it's chuffing freezing outside, and I just mentioned that she wasn't really wearing any clothes when I picked her up, and has been coughing and spluttering like Dot Cotton ever since.... I'm basically dreading another sleepless night because she can't sleep coz she's coughing her guts up, and it always happens the day after she goes to her friend's house. I have no problem with kissing and cuddling at all, in fact, she's the most affectionate little girl in the world, but just as adults say to each other, I won't kiss you goodbye as I've got a cold, surely, kids shouldn't be kissing other kids if they've got snot running down their faces....? but, thanks anyway....

Presumably she's your first dc? Firsts often have a rough time of it when they go to school, picking up every bug that does the rounds, as they haven't had much chance to build up immunity. Unlike second and subsequent dc, who pick up bugs from their school-going elder sibs, and therefore have a more robust and better-prepared immune ssystem by the time they start school.

So, while it might seem a bit wierd and maybe unpleasant, I would say to take advantage of your friend's snotty ds to build up your dd's immune system.

you don't get coughs from getting cold. Fact.

I am feeling amazed that DS and DD are so rarely ill, given the kisses, cuddles, failure to wear coats and lack of hand washing here.

I can imagine it must be irritating if she doesn't stop her son kissing your daughter when he's got a streaming cold. But that's about all I'm in agreement with you on I'm afraid.

You don't catch colds from getting cold. Look it up if you don't believe us.

I think you're imagining it that he always comes down with something the day after she looks after him. And if he does, it's nothing to do with your friend, because the typical cold incubation period is two to five days.

You may still not agree with any of us, but if her hygiene standards bother you so much, why not make other childcare arrangements?

I love the "not letting her" look after DD.

Yes, I wondered about the incubation period for the cold virus parakeet.

So your DD is already infectious by the time she goes round there and is probably therefore passing her cold virus on to them

Not U to contemplate it, can kind of understand.
Could you start teaching DD to wash her hands after toilet and before every meal(if you don't already) and tell friend that you'd really prefer if she could ensure she sticks to it if posible as you've been trying really hard to make this a good habit.

Re the coughing/colds, DDs immune system will be getting more hardier from it, but next time you could say ''ooooh friends ds, you're a bit snotty today, no kissing on the mouth or dd'll end up with it' or something to that effect. To be fair, when kids start nursery/childminder/school they do tend to catch everything and while annoying at the time, it sets 'em up for life iyswim.

This IS a joke right?

trip trap??

gah, seriously?

Sorry to go off tack slightly - but is her house dusty maybe and your daughter is irritated by the dust, hence the coughing and runny nose after? Could be an allergy to something?

I think you need to weigh it up, the love and affection are good. Not so much the snotty son kissing her, but children are children and they do this. She'd catch a cold regardless in this season, my two DCs seem to have one every 6 weeks one way or another right now. Probably picking them up at Mums and Tots.

It is building up her immunity and if she is having fun and getting affection, maybe you should roll with it and try not to let it bother you? She'd make it clear if she was so cold she wanted her coat at age 3 wouldn't she?

However if it really does bother you, then consider other arrangements and just see her for a cuppa here and there with your little one as friends.

I would not have a problem with your 'good' friend's care.

But you clearly do. So go pay for a nanny who will keep your dd in all day away from germy children and the cold.