To want scream at my sister to shut up about the baby

[lostitoday]

I am hurting so much more than I think anyone in my family realises.
I was diagnosed with pof (premature ovarian failure over a year ago after 18 months of ttc with no joy.
I have watched any chance of a 2nd dc dwindle away with my increasing age to arrive at the point were I know I have virtually no chance.
My older sister did give me some support during the hardest times although now I feel as though I am still suffering at times as bad as ever.
I am having real difficulty getting over no more dc's.
My sisters dd my niece has just had her first dc and my sister is always going on about how lovely he is and how she had him chuckling and smiling and I feel sick with depression and bitterness and feel like telling her to shut up.
I am sure she thinks I am over things and although I am sort of dealing with it better everytime she mentions the baby I feel sick at what I lost.
How do I deal with this I feel bad as well for feeling like this.

yabu you really can't expect your sister not to feel proud and happy at this time. You didn't really want to scream this at her did you?

I am sorry about your sadness for a second child. However you do have a child so you have experienced that rush of you a new baby brings. It is a wonderful time, maybe you can try and embrace it too?

sorry rush of "love"

I'm sorry that you feel like this. It must be very painful.

However, you must remember that people aren't psychic. If you want someone to know what's going on in your head, it is your responsibility to tell them. Now you may feel that they 'should' know, or if they loved you they'd know or whatever, but the truth is that even people who love you and care about you don't know what's going on inside your mind.

So talk to your sister. Not "Stop telling me about the baby because..." but just confide in her your feelings about not being able to have another child.

I am really sorry for what has happened to you. When DH and I were ttc my SIL became pregnant the first month of trying. She was a love but my brother was sadly a complete arse. He made lovely comments along the lines of "we must be so fertile" the day after I had been told we had a less than 5% chance of conceiving. He knew about this diagnosis.
I was devastated by his insensitivity, although I recognised his right to be joyful at the impending birth of their child.

Fast forward, somehow the miracle happened and we had DS. My SIL has since had another baby. I have had 2 miscarriages since DS was born and the second baby should have been due on 1st February. I understand your pain but I was able to be happy for them. your sister has every right to be happy about her grandchild. YABU but I understand why.

I'm sorry, but YABabitU. And that's coming from someone who had a SB with DC4 at 5.5 months. Two Months later I found out that my cousin (who I'd lived with for part of my childhood and is like a little sister to me) was 3 months pg with her first. Yes it's hard, yes it hurts, but I am still sharing in the joy that my cousin's DS brings to her and my family. Her younger sister also had her first DS 2 months after that. Their DS's are now 5 months and 3months old. I see them at least once a fortnight, and they're delightful. My DS3 would be 9 months old now. I understand just how hard this can be, but your sister is just enjoying her new role as a gran, and you either need to separate yourself from her for a while until you feel more emotionally ready to cope with that, or accept that ignoring another family member's child WILL NOT change the fact that you cannot have any more DC's/in my case that my DS3 was sb. I think the issue is more with your DH not wanting to go down the assisted conception route, which you are obviously unhappy with. I think you are maybe projecting your issues with your DH onto your Dsis. Having said that, I hope you are getting some support & counselling with your situation, it does help.

I know that my sister has a right to enjoy being a gran I don,t blame her for that.
However I will admit that I am consumed with hate and bitterness about everything from her asking me to order the pram out of my catalogue to her going on about how goergous the baby is.
I want to shout at her to tell anyone else she wants to about all of that but not me.
I will never experience the baby stage again with the first smile, all of the lovely milestones and I feel totally consumed with deep regret and sadness.
I have had some counselling it did me no good I am still feeling like crap.
I have tried to throw myself into other things work etc but this crap keeps coming back to kick me in the stomach and put me on a all time low again.
I wish that I could live with no babies, or pregnant women in my life.
I feel like disappearing away from it all.
I feel as nobody is interested in me I have been left to deal with a early menopause and none of the doctors I have seen seem to to know what to advise.
I am not on any hrt or anything.
I have been given some very confusing advise along the way.

I definitely think you need some good help. You are clearly in a real pit of misery.

My mum was like this when my father died - and she never recovered. She hated all wives, any man alive over the age of 70 - she was so bitter that it coloured every day-to-day activity.

As others have said you DO have a child. Ok, it's not the family you wanted, but you must never lose sight of the fact that you have a child who loves and needs you.

You really need to send your life in a different direction. (I'm a fine one to talk - but "Do as I say, not as I do"! ) If you cling to this notion that your life can only be decent if you have another child, you will be wasting the life you do have.

You really do ned some help coming to terms with this, lostitoday.

I desperately wanted (still do) a second dc but it ain't going to happen - dp is absolutely against the idea and financially it would be disastrous. Ds regularly talks about wanting a baby brother or sister and has done for the last 7 years. This breaks my heart.

I had an unplanned pregnancy which ended in MC at 8 wks a short while ago. And people have been having babies left, right and centre ever since. It hurts. Seeing someone with a days old baby turn up at the office to show her off was like a kick in the stomach. But actually I rather enjoy my friends' babies. I won't be having any more of my own - but I can cuddle theirs, shop for little outfits... I've also launched myself into making sure that ds has the best I can give him - the best of me that is, not (just) material things.

What I'm saying is that the depth of despair that you're feeling isn't inevitable and you need help to get out of it - for the sake of your existing dc.

So sad to read your latest post OP, I second Gramercy in that it sounds like you really need some help with this.

Please do go to your GP and ask for some help with your menopause - even if he can refer you to another specialist - and for more counselling. It really sounds like you need it.

And Gramercy is also right that if you are so consumed with the life that you could have had - you're in danger if missing out on the one that you do have with your DH and child, which you can only come to regret. Take care.

YANBU to feel like this but you are going to have to find a way of dealing with to minimise the effects on you and your relationships with the people around you. I so relate to how you're feeling- during my 6 yr wait for my miracle baby, three of my sisters had babies and one had three (she's just had a fourth very easily).

The problem with failing to conceive is that we're basically alone with it; you don't to bare your most tender raw parts to anybody, and most people cannot deal with the fact that the rawness seeps into every aspect and facet of our lives. Several years ago I was feeling like you and hated myself for not feeling even a glimmer of joy at my sisters' pregnancies, but The Hut really helped, as it was full of other people who felt as low and desperate as I did. It really helped just to know that I wasn't alone, and that nobody would try to cheer my up there. I can recommend it.