to wonder if this should come under 'being a nanny'?

[Nanny999]

I'm a nanny for a great family. I look after their one and only precious boy age 3.

I've been with him since he was 11 weeks old. Mum and Dad both work very taxing jobs in the City. They work very hard to provide their son with everything he could dream of, a great house smack in the middle of London, etc. etc.

But they don't spend lots of time with him. I am here from 7am-8pm (the only reason I agreed to such long hours is that I live round the corner). Their DC wakes up at 7 and goes to bed at 7.30. They literally don't see him M-F. They have a weekend nanny as well.

Yesterday at nursery several of the Mum's friends were gathered round not realising I was behind ducked down getting little boy's coat from his peg. "It's terrible that X never sees his Mum isn't it? ... Charlie talks about how sad X is all the time, I think the Nanny must be telling him she's his mum or at least not denying it. ... I don't know how they even GOT X, they haven't spent time together in 5 years ..."

What do I do?

Personally, I'd be worried about my boss taking it the wrong way and it backfiring on me. If my nanny told me that (if I had one) I would be sat there wondering 'does she think this too? is she judging me? questioning my parenting? is she a reliable employee any more?'

It does not involve me so I'd keep out of it. It would be risking my job, continuity of care for the child and upsetting my employer who probably already has enough guilt for no reason.

I was going to agree with the other posters who said 'it is not your business' until i read this bit: 'i thik the nanny must be telling him she 's his mum' .

They seem to gossip about you aswell as about the parents.
I have noticed that mums who are very anti-nanny will try to find faults about other people's nannies in order to justify their opinions. So i would be careful. If they have contact with your employers i would mention it to them - so if they spread accusations about you your employers will know why.

some families are like this, end of. They have made their decision, and whatever you say it will backfire. I think you only have 2 decisions, stick it out and say nada, or leave and in your exit interview tell them why. However option 2 wont benefit their child, but ultimately he is their responsibility. c'est la vie I am afraid, mild child neglect is not restricted to the poor is it.... you sound like a good nanny

I see Laquitar's point re the 'mum' thing.

But I still don't know how you'd word the conversation. And what is she supposed to do about it? Confront her friends in order to justify her childcare choices? Ditch them? Could also become 'your word' against theirs in the event she does say something and I wouldn't like to bet on whose she'd chose to believe.

Think you are the person with the most to lose here and I would think very carefully before saying something. You are not NOT fulfilling your role as a nanny by not passing the info on.

This is very complicated and difficult, isn't it? The issue of whether nasty gossip could cost you your job, whether you pass it on to your employers or not.

I suppose it's times like this where a) you have to decide what professionalism means to you, and stick by it, and b) hold onto the fact that if your charge is well cared for an happy, the parents will want to hang onto you rather than let you go.

At least that way, whatever happens, you will have been true to yourself at the end of the day, and you will be happy living with yourself as a consequence.

I think you need to to reiterate to the little boy a LOT that you aren't Mummy and Mummy loves him so if she does ever hear an accusation that you're telling him you're his mother she'll have the sense to ask you and him and his reaction will prove you right.

Ok since my last post there have been 3 very good and helpfull responses (Harriet, Boffinmum and Frakkin).
Reading back now i think that my response was a bit panicky but last three posts are much calmer and wiser.

So i am going to slightly change after reading them and say don't mention anything (yet) and follow the advice of last three posters. But, keep an open ear and if in the future there is more gossip that could harm your career then rethink about the situation.

In response to what some of the other posters have said, if the parents are happy with how you are looking after their child, its very very unlikely it would backfire on you, I mean as a working parents I would go to extreme lengths not to change nannies - if the kids were happy, its very disruptive for both the child and the parents.... and busy parents would not want to be doing that.

re: wording it, i think you could just say that you overheard her friends talking about her whilst at nursery, and are not sure whether you should be passing it on. also say that you are extremely happy being their nanny, and that you really enjoy looking after their wonderful little boy. however on the basis that you don't tell the little boy that you are his mum, then they are bitching about you too, and thats upsetting i am sure.

re: their friends words again hers - thats the advantage of wording it the way i suggested above.... an intelligent mother would know not to mention it to friends as of course they would deny it. however what i think will happen if you tell her is that she'll just tell you to ignore it....