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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry about this

26 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 11:01

Ok, a few moths ago at Nursery my child (3.5) came home from Nursery saying the word CLIT and that he knew where on the female body where it was.

Me and dh were quite surprised, and asked who taught him that, he said a boy in his class.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, as children pick up things from school, but wanted to let the teachers know what was being discussed in Nursery.

So told teacher and she said did DC say who it was, I said Yes, BUT! as we know what children are like, I dont want to say for definite.

Anyway when taking DC into Nursery the next day, the teacher had pulled the child's parents up in the cloakroom, and I had overheard her say Oh I dont thing your son has said this, but it has come to my attention and I thought due to the nature of it, you needed yo be aware.

Anyway parent kicked off and said it was categorically was not her son .

Their was a bit of a you ha, where things were said by the other parent, and me and dh went to the head (she knew it was me, as I was discussing it in DC2 baby group, and she has a friend their, unbeknown to be) and said its DC1 name mummy. so she game over and got quite verbal, and I had to walk away, saying I never SAID it was your son, I said my son said it was your son! and I told the teacher you know what kids are like.

Anyway head took the child's parent in to have a word and that if it was her child, you could be concerned also, and that Me, was only bringing it to the Nursery's attention, due to the nature of it, and that she will not allow me to be verbally attacked in school premises or elsewhere for that matter.

so due to this, the parent has now what I can only assume has gave me a reputation, (as before I got along with most child's parents and we had lunch dates etc) still do with some, but not all.

But DC has been coming home very upset, as the ones who dont speak to me, children's, have been saying that he is not going to their party and that my mummies going to batter your mummy.

Now I dont want to go to the head/teacher again over it, I also dont want to confront the parents, as I dont want all the bother again, but ds is very upset as its happening everyday at Nursery and hes also upset as he things these children dont like him because of me, and hes now missing out with his friends at the parties.

But I have to explain to ds that not everyone gets invited to a party and that sometimes people are very silly, but I have to say this everyday now, as he gets upset and his Nursery teacher has said he has been quite withdrawn lately and is their anything to worry about, and I said No

I now wish I hadn't said anything to the Nursery.

Im also worried as he gets older in case he gets bullied by these children etc..

Sorry its long, just not sure what to do.

OP posts:
jasper · 22/01/2010 11:08

Don't do anything.
It will all blow over.
It is perfectly normal for children to have these sort of spats.

I do agree you should not have spoken to the nursery about it.
But please don't worry about it. It will all be forgotten soon

RoyaltyIsMyOnlyDelusion · 22/01/2010 11:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 11:17

Tbh is a lovely estate and the school is the best in the area, (we moved house and area to enable him to go this school) the lady is question is somewhat loud and well not lady like .

Everything else is perfect, he loves his school and has very good friends (nursery is attached to school, just incase wondering) and its only 4 kids who are friends with the other parent, but still they make DC nursery time uncomfortable.

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Morloth · 22/01/2010 11:19

It will blow over, the kids at the very least will forget about it.

DS came home from nursery and proudly told me that boys and girls are different and you could tell because girls have "clits". Cue DH and I trying to figure out WTF is going on at nursery.

Turns out girls have clips in their hair. That doesn't excuse the crazy arse parents. But are you sure he meant what you think he meant? It sounds identically to what we had!

He also called one little girl a "homo" for days around the Christmas play. Que much pursed lips and "he must have got it from somewhere" from the PITA nursery manager. The little girl was wearing a headband that looked like a halo.

Kids get stuff wrong.

LouMacca · 22/01/2010 11:20

Oh god what a horrible situation for you. Sod the other mothers who don't want to do coffee etc. with you anymore, they sound a bit spineless.

I agree with Jasper that this will blow over. There is always something going on at a Nursery and it will be old news soon I'm sure. Hope you DS is ok.

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 11:23

Unfortunately Morloth No,we did think we misinterpret him, but No he knows its on the girls vagina, and gave the girl funny feelings

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joanne34 · 22/01/2010 11:24

Parents behaviour does sound a bit pathetic.

Maybe you should mention to The Nursery head again, but say you want it kept private this time...

It will soon all blow over though.

Kids say these things... although Ive not heard that one before !

tulpe · 22/01/2010 11:26

Do not think you were at all unreasonable to raise this with the nursery. I would have done the same. Whilst it isn't unusual for children to know the true "anatomical" names of body parts (personally, cannot abide the made up names for genitals so I am afraid a vagina is a vagina in this house!), the term "clit" is not something I would ever expect a child to know until much, much older.

Agree that it will soon blow over and not to worry too much but I do understand how awkward you must feel.

WRT to your DC, I would give it a week but if they are still being ostracised by then, I would have another discreet word with the teacher. Children of this age rarely hang on to grudges with each other for too long. If it continues, then I would say it is more a cause for concern because there is a risk that any ostracizing of your DC over this specific issue has turned into something more generic. I speak from sad experience on this one

You were, however, unreasonable to discuss situation in very public forum of baby group. If you feel the need to discuss other people's parenting/children, only do so with exceptionally close friends whom you know you can trust. Imagine how you would feel if you knew that a group of other people had been debating and judging you without an entire picture of the exact situation.

joanne34 · 22/01/2010 11:27

LittleMrsHappy Fri 22-Jan-10 11:23:49
Unfortunately Morloth No,we did think we misinterpret him, but No he knows its on the girls vagina, and gave the girl funny feelings

??? My main concern would be has it come from a another child or an adult ??? To me thats just weird for nursery aged children, but then im a prude and i like children to be children for as long as possible...

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 11:30

Tulpe, agree, I only go to baby group, with two of my closest friends whom I have known for 10 years, not that it matters tbh, but it is a very hard lesson learnt, I just wish my son did not become involved.
Im not at all bothered by me, its just ds, and how to deal with him.

sorry you had to go through a similar experience x

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LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 11:33

joanne, Im not sure, no one in our circles says anything od the sort, even without children, and we asked him and he said Nursery and the child's name. x

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CirrhosisByTheSea · 22/01/2010 11:35

I think your only mistake was to talk about it in toddler group - waaay too public!

However, it was certainly right for you to raise this at nursery and it sounds as if the head was supportive of you. Just because this woman is vulgar and unintelligent and rough does not make it the wrong thing that you raised this with the nursery.

I also think you should raise with them now, the reason your son is upset. When a teacher asks if there is anything going on you need to tell them the truth imo so that they can help your ds when you're not there to do so. They can't help unless they know what's going on.

and since it wasn't the nursery who let the cat out of the bag last time, you have no reason to think that they won't deal with it confidentially and properly - if nothing else, they can monitor your ds a bit more closely and listen to what particular kids are saying to him. Let them help your ds!

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 11:35

but I wouldn't say never to it. but cannot even remotely think who would say it.

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joanne34 · 22/01/2010 11:43

Agree with Cirrhosis,

thinking about it, you should speak to the nursery again.... it's worrying me more about the possible child it came from originally and how/who they told him !???

GhoulsAreLoud · 22/01/2010 11:45

Does the little boy in question have older brothers? It's the kind of thing I can imagine being picked up in school then repeated down to a little brother.

joanne34 · 22/01/2010 11:45

Agree with Cirrhosis,

thinking about it, you should speak to the nursery again.... it's worrying me more about the possible child it came from originally and how/who told him !???

sorry tired.

LucyEllensmadmummy · 22/01/2010 12:07

Yep - im with royalty, sounds like a hell hole

i think the word thing a bit of a storm in a tea cup, but to say someone is going to bash your mummy

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 12:08

No, and No older cousins either. (well he has but they are back in my hometown)

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GhoulsAreLoud · 22/01/2010 12:10

Sorry, not your son - I meant the boy with the rough mother, does he have older brothers?

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 12:11

Yes, he has, not sure what age but still in primary school.

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CirrhosisByTheSea · 22/01/2010 12:18

Yes just to clarify I didn't mean you need to go over this word business - just to tell the teacher about what is now being said to your ds in terms of you getting a bashing etc and him not being invited to parties, and him being upset every day

The teacher needs to know this in order to help your ds!

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 12:28

I know, just fearful that it may get worse for him, I might get dh to go in as he can be more diplomatic and straight to the point. I can but hes more assertive. lol.

Who said parent hood was easy x

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CirrhosisByTheSea · 22/01/2010 12:32

I'd have faith in the teacher that they can deal with this professionally tbh. I agree it's hard this parenthood lark! But this is how alot of bullying gets to carry on, because people worry that things will get even worse. However in my personal opinion you'll be doing your ds a big favour to speak to the teacher and let them deal wtih it. I always found ds' teachers really helpful if there were any problems with behaviour, they leapt on it immediately and dealt with it.

good luck!

Bucharest · 22/01/2010 12:32

You definitely need to let the school know that this is escalating.
Did you also tell them that this child is aware not just what one is, but what it does?
How many nursery school children know this? Wherever the other child got the info from it's wrong wrong wrong.

LittleMrsHappy · 22/01/2010 12:41

Bauharest, Yes and I think that's why the school acted upon it (good school tbh) he has forgotten now we think, as he has made no more comments about it, and just thinks the boys dont like him because of me

But I will ask dh if he can have a word with the Nursery in confidence.

Thankyou for all your advice, been very much appreciated x

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