to not want to have to leave my job

[GingaNinja]

I was supposed to return to work on Jan 4th. DD has been in nursery since then anyway which has saved my sanity. DH got moved away from home by work in October - 'for two months'. This is week 15. Quite apart from the fact I'm struggling to cope on my own, it now looks as though I'm going to have to resign as my request to change start time has been turned down three times now (I start at half 7; originally, DH was to drop DD off in the morning and I'd pick up. I've requested an 8am start as the creche doesn't open till 7.15 and even breaking every speed limit on empty roads I can not get to work before 7.40 at earliest).

I'm particularly pissed because DH only told me he was going to be working away on the weekend before it started. No consultation or discussion. And the 2 months became February and then seems to have become March most recently. He works in construction and the company have no other contracts (to date). I work in a factory for a global company who are in rude health; my job pays the health insurance (we don't live in the UK so yes, it's very necessary) and I'm the only one of us with a pension sorted out. My job would also be secure for at least a couple of years if not longer - as much as you can guess these days anyway. DH: if he leaves, he won't get redundancy. Me: Well, no shit sherlock, cos if I leave neither will I. We would also have to repay health insurance premiums etc to the company for the time I've been on unpaid leave (fortunately, Global Co agreed with short notice that I could take the max amount of unpaid additional maternity leave permitted when I phoned from Shit Creek back in October).

I feel like I've been shat on by DH repeatedly re: being effectively left to bring up DD on my own. And I'm probably now going to have to leave my job, that I like and have great colleagues, to try and find something else in the middle of a recession. As much as I love DD, I can not do the stay at home mum thing because I've found it isolating at best during mat leave; I want to use my brain for something other than working out feeds. The idea fills me with dread (and I fully appreciate that lots of people don't feel like this); plus the stress of what we do for money if DH doesn't have work after March. It would be March when I need to go back.

Oh, and according to DH, childcare is my problem.....

Is there any way a friend can take/pick up your DD or employ a childminder either end? Sounds a tough situation.

Hi Secret. Unfortunately, although there is family near(ish) it would mean potentially leaving DD with her 72 yr old granny at 6.45am (ouch factor for granny and DD, and I don't want to think about what time I'd have to get us both up and out to do that) to drop into creche later - after granny has done the school run with two of DD's 5 yr old cousins whom granny currently provides breakfast club/after school care for. I'm afraid I view that as very unfair on granny plus was going to treat that option as matter of last resort if the child was sick but I couldn't extricate myself from work quickly to collect her ie ask granny to pick up. We live in an extremely beauiful place, middle of nowhere, turn the stereo up to 11 if you like; downside is that there's no bugger near. I don't know of any childminders locally - and I don't think there's the same regulation as there is in the UK(?) ie tends to be your neighbour who has a couple of kids herself so one more won't make any odds type thing.

As for the feckless spouse....apparently one of the surveyors at DH's place of employ is being flown out to a job on Sunday; Qatar is being mentioned. This just gets better all the time!

There must be somoe way to make this work. Even if you didn't have DH then you would still have to get the childcare and job issues sorted. Is there a nursery nearer work? Could you get a Nanny? Would work let you start later only on weeks DH was away? Have you checked for childminders?

Hi Moomaa, I think part of the difficulty is that work does start particularly early (well, for Ireland anyway) so most nurseries don't open till 8am, and none near us. They might up in the fleshpots of Dublin for eg, but we're waaaaay out west. There's no childminder register I can find so would be akin to knocking on a door to ask stranger to take her (nearly). Plus, a lot of my colleagues make use of their mothers, sisters etc if they live out of town. My family are in the UK and none available on DH's side. I'm in a factory so shift system in place and I can see their point for the actual lines - although the area I'm in has accommodated those who wanted to start EARLIER eg half 6 or 7am easily enough. A later start would have potential knock on for shift change in the evening. Maybe. I'm not sure whether to check with the union re: rights as the only other examples were for people wanting to start earlier which fitted with production need. Oh for an extra 10 mins in the morning - that would solve the damn problem.....

hi just wanted to say i am the same as you and stay at home mum is not for me - i work 4 days a week in senior role and have balance in my life now - i adore adore my DS alas i found it quite one dimensional and isolating too. I get pissed of woth people who assume i am back at work for financial reasons (normally those who do not realise it costs a fortune to send kids to nursery and so you need to earn a fair whack anyway) and that some people may be at work becasue they want to be and enjoy the mental stimulation. Good luck to you

Could you ask work if you could start at 7.40 instead of 8? Would they really be that tight about ten minutes?

Ninja, you have GOT to keep your job. For your independence and sanity. I totally understand your frustration.

Do you have an extra room in your house and hire an aupair? She could do all the school runs and housework as well.

Costs about £300 a month (including her food) for 25 hours a week ie 5 hours a weekday and 2 nights babysitting. This is a very ballpark figure.