NOT to tidy my daughters room

[fernie3]

I went in to get my 5 year old up this morning and her room was wrecked, all her toys are out on the floor the clothes are pulled from the wardrobe and the drawers one of the drawers is actually broken on the floor and pens pencils etc are all of the place. I have never seen such a mess you honestly cant see the carpet.
She had a good talking to this morning and has had her handheld game thingy taken off her for the forseeable future.
I dont think she CAN tidy it all up herself she will need adult help but would it be unreasonable for me to wait until she comes home from school and make her help as much as she can even though this would take probably most of the evening?

She has been a nightmare the last few weeks (she cut her hair, has been in trouble at school etc) so I need to put a stop to this! but since she has already had one punishment is it better to move on or draw it out until she gets home?

I think at 5 really you need to be doing it yourself sorry I know thats not gonna teach her anything but at least it puts a 'fresh start' on it.

Im not criticizing you but in my house children are still very small at 5 and they need to be 'babied' a bit - 5 is a awkward age - school gets harder and the world is a big place - sometimes a snuggle with mum in warm pyjamas and a treat under their pillow can make everything ok again.

i'd make her help, i have in the past although it has had no impact dd still pulls everything out!

If DD did this she would definitely be helping me with part of it and she's not four yet.

I would probably do the majority and then leave a bit for her to tidy away when she gets home. Then maybe you could have a nuice snuggle with her and ask why she is doing all this stuff atm.

why did she make such a mess? was she looking for something? was she angry about something? maybe get to the bottom of it.

i spent 2 hours tidying DS ( 6 ) room last week. it was a hole. i thought if i left it he may tidy it....yeah right.
he has worked really hard to keep it pristine since. i found 4 gogos and a fiver - buried treasure or what?

sometimes they need an incentive. sticker chart?

no i also think you should get her to help you tidy up her room , i did everything for my first born , never asked him to help out with anything & now at almost 11 he will scream blue murder if asked to tidy his bedroom , teach them while they are little dd 4 loves to help me put away her clothes & tidy up her toys etc .
Not making the same mistake twice

I would make my 5 yo DD help, I would also make my 3 yo DD help if she made the mess.

Tbh though I always made my 11 yo DS tidy up after himself and hasnt made a jot of difference. His room is always a tip!

hi. Just a thought, but if the behaviour she has displayed over the last few weeks is out of character, then it is very possible something is troubling her.
Is everything ok at school-does she like her teacher? Is she perhaps being picked-on/bullied? Perhaps she is finding the day very long at school? Sometimes its hard for dc this young to tell us what is wrong.
The cutting her hair and sheer mess you describe, sound like she is upset/cross about something.
Does she get put to bed perhaps too early, when not quite sleepy enough,and so has "time" to wreck her room, or is it usually kept quite tidy?
I agree with previous posters-you tidy the majority of the room,and leave her a few toys to put away, and then ask her if everything is ok. Good Luck.

I would actually wait till she gets home and sort through it with her, checking if there's anything she doesn't want any more, outgrown clothes etc. But I would try and make it a fun activity - maybe bring up some memories connected with old toys. That way she can see that tidying her room doesn't have to be a 'nasty' job; it's helping build bridges between you again after her being told off this morning; and it gives you a chance to really sort it out into pristine condition.

I encourage my DD to pass stuff on to her cousin or her godmother's little girl just to try and reduce the 'clutter' in her room. Maybe putting some toys away (as in out of reach) and swapping over might help so there is never so much to get out at once IYSWIM. I find IKEA Trofast units great for this (even though they look hideous!

DS's room looks like a bomb hit it at the moment. This weekend there is no TV/Computer/Games until it is tidied up a bit (the toys on the floor put away).

Mostly though I just close the door and pretend I can't see it.

i know that feeling morloth , if i cant see it it doesn't exist ... i wish .

I have no idea why she is behaving so strangely, she does sometimes make a mess in her room playing but not in such a destructive way and not as bad. She goes to bed at about 7:00pm and although she goes to sleep pretty quickly she wakes up a few times in the night and tries to climb into our bed - I think the mess was made during one of these wake up times. She has only done this the last few weeks she used to be a wonderful sleeper!. I spoke to her teacher after the hair cutting and she told me that my daughter seemed happy and confident at school with no problems. When I have asked her why she is behaving like this she says "because I want you forever" or "I want to hug forever" or something along those lines.

oh love her. she sounds like she might be feeling a bit insecure. my DS was like this when he started school. although he was always fine at school - it came out at home. its such a big transition - esp the playground. sounds like she needs lots of love and encouragement. and maybe a sticker chart

hi - normally I would say yes she should help you tidy the room, she is old enough to understand. However I remember the hair cutting thread and the way you said she reacted and it bothered me. I'm no expert in child behaviour but it sounds like she is extremely distressed or angry about something.

Those last sentences you have written, is there anything she may have heard or misconstrued somewhere else in her life? Is someone she knows ill or going through major changes like divorce? Maybe it isn't something obvious to you that is worying her.

I'm not sure how you can get her to explain it to you, draw it maybe? or act it with dolls? ask someone else she trusts to try a different tack? Hope you get it sorted though

5 year olds are old enough to tidy their room with instructions. So you say
"First pick up all the books and put them on the shelf." When they've finished that, you give the next instruction. Don't stay in the room while they do each thing, but be generally around (I tidy up my own room!) buzzing in and out.

Loads of praise for each thing tidied. She might need a hand with anything have or bulky, such as getting duvet cover onto bed.

My DC of 7 and 5 do tis, and the 3 year old to some extent. If they choose to ignore me, they don't get shouted out, they just get told that I will tidy it up myself, and my ate is £5 an hour, so I will take the money out of their pigg banks to pay myself. Only had to do it once for each of them! (Oh, and if they don't have the money to pay me, I tell them I will sell a few Rainbow Magic books of the 7 year olds, or the 5 year olds light saber - their respective passions!

Obviously do talk to her about any problems, but teaching them to tidy up by giving them clear short instructions is something I wish I'd done earlier with my 7 year old, I only started a year ago and she still tried to rebel against cleaning up her own chaos.

"I have never seen such a mess you honestly cant see the carpet."

My kids room looks like this every single day .

It took me 4 hours the other day to do my 8 year olds room. I left it as long as I could and then it was stressing me more not doing it and seeing it. I have told him he has to keep it reasonably tidy. My 4 year old keeps his room more tidy than his 6 and 8 year old sister and brother.

I would do some, and leave some for her to do.