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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if a party starts at 7pm, you do not get there before 7?

41 replies

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/01/2010 11:01

I think of party start times as guidelines. If it's a dinner party I'd like my guests there within half an hour after the start time. If it's just a 'bring a bottle' sort of party, any time is fine. But there's always someone who comes a few minutes early to mine. And I'm always still putting on lipstick, if not clothes.

But I have a friend who thinks that if a party starts at 7 (say), the correct time to get there is 6.50, with 7 being the latest possible correct time.

He's wrong, right?

OP posts:

gorionine · 21/01/2010 17:18

It would bother me if the guest came more than 1/2 hour early as I am not the most organised person but 10 mins early would not phase me too much.

I think YANBU to think your friend is wrong but Yab a bit U to be ennoyed a 10 mins early.

pigletmania · 21/01/2010 17:21

YANBU i would arrive about half hour later, but if for some reason i had to come a little early I would ask the host if it was ok to before hand.

Upsy1981 · 21/01/2010 17:31

I would agree with you and say arrive between about 7-7:30pm, probably around the 7:15 mark. However, MIL always says she would rather be an hour early than a minute late which I always think must be really annoying for people who are still rushing around doing the last minute jobs. IMO I would much rather my guests were a minute late than an hour early!

Original poster

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/01/2010 23:05

Commonnorthener, I don't complain if someone's on time and I'm not ready, I realise that's my problem.

TBH, it's not a friend who actually turns up to my parties early. It's a friend who was complaining about her husband's insistence on always being ten minutes early for parties, and I was intrigued to see the consensus out there.

And now I'm a bit worried that I've inadvertently offended someone out there by turning up to their (open house, non dinner) party an hour late! But honestly, if I throw a party that starts at 7, as long as you're there by, say, 10pm it's fine by me.

We went to a NYE party this year, and because we didn't have a babysitter we knew we'd have to leave before 9pm so we got there at the actual start time, 7pm. And we were the only guests for, like, an hour.

OP posts:

hatwoman · 21/01/2010 23:15

tbh as a host i think it's verging on rude to give an exact time. if dinner I tell people to come at "about" 8 and that we'll "probably" eat "about" 8.30. i want them to arrive relaxed.

Pikelit · 22/01/2010 01:39

You are so NBU. I have a friend who thinks fetching up early is some sort of virtue. Drives me fecking mad it does and I've nearly got to the point of leaving her out on the driveway feebly squawking "Hello? Is there anybody in?".

Dinner invites from me - and all my other friends - will state 7.30 for 8 (say), which means what it says. You can turn up at 7.30 but you are expected to have turned by by 8. Ordinary parties that don't involve meals needing to be served would be whatever time "onwards". As would BBQs since they are just moveable feasts!

Why anyone thinks it is other than stupid and rude to arrive early, defeats me.

almay292 · 22/01/2010 01:52

Why do so many people think that 'good time keeping' gives them a leg up the moral high ground.

If your invite says 7pm, you have every right not to open the door to anybody who arrives before that time. I think I might employ this tactic myself in the future... if I wasn't still trying to finish getting dressed at the time....

gtamom · 22/01/2010 05:36

He is definitely wrong. I hate it when people arrive early. I would say that is a pet peeve of mine. I think it is best to be on time, or "fashionably late" (10-15 minutes).

2rebecca · 22/01/2010 08:23

Depends on the type of party. Agree if this friend is always early just tell them different time, or have party starting later if that's when you expect folk to arrive. I think my timekeeping habits have changed as I got older. In your 20s parties were more laid back and people rarely went to them until late, dinner parties people generally expect you on time and older people with kids/ babysitters are less inclined to stay out really late. Older people with grown up kids can get quite obsessional about being early.
7pm seems an early start for a party. If you want people to come later then put a later time on your invite, and tell early friend any time AFTER x time.

greekbird · 22/01/2010 08:56

i had many years of being late to things thanks to a greek father whose concept of time was non-existant.

I hate to be late now, and will do everything to try to turn up on time.

Since mobiles it seems people think its ok to be late as long as they text.

If someone has gone to the trouble of laying on a party/food, the least i can do is turn up on time, anything later than 15 minutes is just rude. Think of the host rather then yourself!

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 22/01/2010 09:29

'Tis cultural. I was brought up that it's a firm rule in England that for a meal you arrive 15 minutes after the invite time - definitely no earlier. And up to 30 mins is OK. Any later and you need to ring and let them know when you are arriving.

But Americans believe you should be there by the time you say and ideally 10 or 15 minutes earlier. Since I am always still hiding behind the front door doing my make up 10 minutes after I have told my guests to arrive (ie I have 5 minutes left before they actually arrive thank goodness!) I have learnt to give American friends different start times.

And then a friend who moved to India was telling me about her first kids party there - invite 4pm to 6pm and no-one came till 6.30pm! And then stayed till midnight!

To me, arriving early is the height of bad manners, to Americans, perfect manners, in India, unheard of. We live in a wonderful diverse world!

messygarden · 22/01/2010 09:34

I turn up at the time I am told to turn up. It is a strange thing if you are told 7pm and then get into trouble for turning up at 7pm.

Smithagain · 22/01/2010 09:35

It's definitely cultural. And some people don't understand the unwritten rules.

DH is an engineer and has a very literal view of the world. He doesn't "get" unwritten rules. As a consequence, we have a small debate about timing every single time we are invited anywhere. He gets stressed if we're going to be more than 10 mins late - I'm getting stressed because I know that 10 mins late might be regarded as very, very early by the hosts and we'll be the only people there!

TrillianAstra · 22/01/2010 09:41

If I were hosting a party and I said 7 o'clock:

** if it is a dinner party I would expect people to turn up no earlier than 7 and no later than 7.30 (by which point the people who had turned up might have already eaten all the olives)

** if it is a party party I wouldn't be surprised if no-one was there by 7.30, anyone there by 8 would be counted as an 'early' person, and turning up after 9 wouldn't be rude

gorionine · 22/01/2010 09:45

By almay292 Fri 22-Jan-10 01:52:16
""Why do so many people think that 'good time keeping' gives them a leg up the moral high ground.""

Because some children grow up with rammed into their head from birth. They then grow up to be freeks who cannot stand to be late or early anywhere! (Challenge of the day, guess where I was born?)

By Smithagain Fri 22-Jan-10 09:35:26
""It's definitely cultural. And some people don't understand the unwritten rules.""

So very true, DH is North African and I have had to mellow a lot since.

Pushingonthrough · 22/01/2010 09:47

YANBU - Turning up early is very bad manners.

I agree with Stresshead re timings

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