AIBU to be very shocked only 3% of unmarried parents stay together until child is 16!

[littlemoominmamma]

3% is nothing!!! It is soooo sad. 1 out of every 3 couples have seperated before the child is 5yrs old

I am now glad that the tories are going to give married couples help.

Slightlystressed;

It's never been utopia...but deffo got worse since '97

"There have been times when DH and I have gone through a difficult patch, particularly when DS was tiny and I think had we not been married, we may have just called it a day, but because of the hassle and expense of divorce, we stuck it out. Now I am so glad that we did, as our relationship is stronger than ever.

Could this be one of the reasons married couples are more likely to stay together? "

Didn't do it for your kids then?

Only DP and I aren't married, we had a rocky patch and worked at it for our DD, and for US

Swedey (or anyone else who knows about this)- I am not being difficult just genuinely interested in how I could be poorly protected as a cohabitee with DP??

My situation: DP and I have one DS, we are not married, mortgage is in my name only, both work, me Part time , DP full time. I earn more than DP currently. We have made wills, which leave everything to each other with provision for DS also.

How would I be unprotected?? As you can see not much of an expert in these things- really do not want to marry, but would like to know we have protected DS.

That has so much to depend on where you comefromand who youa re

OK a lot of what I would like to cheer about you won'tlike, and we'll never agree on those things (yay civilpartnerships for gey people etc)

but where I grew up,industry collapsed before 97,I don't know anyone from my school gotadegree before 97, I don't know anyone owned a house before then or even had a stable job.It was bloody hard.

It has got better formeand many likemesince then.

Britian has never been mended becuase there willalways be people better off before the last change, that simple. Ex's Nan used to whinge about life being better before NHS etc becuase she didnt have to pay for other people..... OTOH at the same stage my Dad waas eating hedgehog when he was lucky becuase they had nomoney and wereborderline starvation.

It'spurely about what's better for the individual when they see utopia, but certainly we as a family were better off post 97. First child was born pre TCs etc, I experienced both, and even when both working FT I beleive that very much

Swedey - I don't know about feminism but certainly common snese means women, particularly those with children ought to protect themselves, whcih currently means getting married.

Because unless a woman intends to earn exactly the same as her partner throughout the relationship, contribute exactly the same...never take maternity leave,become ill or disabled etc etc...she will be worse off if the relationship ends and find her children unprotected.

So to all of you not married if you won a £20,000, non transferable prize,you'd all refuse.

£20,000 to get married?

Where do i sign

oh sorry i meant

where do i sign

To get married you mean PP?

I'd take it if you throw a hitman in for the not quite MIL

I meant £20k wedding. I just wondered if what prevented most people from getting married was the cost...

Often thought of a small wedding company that offered the wedding with low costs and little hassle would be a good business.

I must be an exception on here as I love being married. Saying my vows to my husband was one of the nicest most moving things I have done in my life, I know he feels the same

Even though we had already been together for 7 years our relationship was different when we got married, more relaxed.

I married him because I truly loved him and still do, we promised each other to grow old together (maybe we will maybe we won't - but I wouldn't change anything)

"You're begging the question.. someone said maybe cohabitees don't get married because their relationship isn't stable enough, or words to that effect, so my question was, why are they having children then? Why? Why is a relationship too unstable for marriage but stable enough for children?

So.. you think cohabitees are as likely to stay together as married people? "

WTF??

We were together 15 years before DD born, i had a child from a previous relationship, we have survived financial ruin and we still LOVE EACH OTHER!!!

Fucking hell- you know, that little word, love!! Its the thing that gets you through all the shit, keeps you strong when its all going wrong - knowing that there is someone to love you - not someone bound to you by legal contract.

Also, the whole wedding thing

Peachy, I'm not sure if you were replying to me, but I'll reply to you anyway. [pushy and don't care]

I think Labour have done some great things since '97...The NHS is running well, (so I've been told) they introduced the minimum wage and WFTC (doubt the Tories would have)....I used to vote Labour FGS...however, I am completely disillusioned with them, they have done so much to undermine the traditional family, you'll get people like Harriet Harman saying things like "it takes a man and a woman to run the country well"...but thinks it's perectly ok for a child to be brought up by two gay men.....do you really expect me to take them seriously...?

I reckon you would get totally different figures if you looked at another country where having children while cohabiting is more socially accepted and where there is more protection of partners' rights.
Thinking of Sweden, where a large proportion of children are born to cohabiting parents and for most people there is no particular incentive to rush to the registrary office when you find out that you're pregnant. Iirc breakdown figures there look totally different.

So it's not the case that the marriage itself creates some sort of magic stability: it's about who is most likely to get married in that particular culture. In the UK, it is still more common for committed partners to get married, particularly when they start planning a family. So statistically speaking that means more cohabiting parents will be the ones that are not as committed= the ones that are more likely to break up. But you wouldn't necessarily make those people more committed by forcing them to get married. It's cause and effect again. As usual.

My dp has said things to me in private that are far more meaningful in anything written in convention that everyone says.how can those vows have the same meaning to so many?

£115 to get married cheapest here i just checked, that's £115 that i don't have!

posie, i wondered if thats what you meant - i think it would certainly be a factor for us. We certainly couldnt afford it, and im not sure id want to afford it - im a bit of an anti social mare and DP the same. All that money for one day - its obscene really, there are people starving and people are getting themselves into debt for what? Standing there in a merrangue (sp) and a giant piss up.

During our bad patch, DP and myself discussed getting married, and in the end i just quietly left it. I think if i could have woken up one day married then yes, i would have but thats a whole other can of worms.

what do you mean, wtf?

how does your experience shed any light on the debate? Why does it render my comment nonsense?

fgs DP if you can stick the knife in and twist a thread which is producing a good debate round to your bigoted way of thinking you will.Sod off

Er, was I talking to you....?

I dont honestly think our relationship is any different to my married friends. Maybe its my final rebellion lol not being married, adds a bit of spice

you asked the question "why a relationship unstable enough for marriage is stable enough for children"

WTF was an expression of my disbeleif at such an ill thought out comment.

What does stability have to do with anything - our relationship is perfectly stable thank you very much, it has stood up to the trials and tribulations that life throws at anyone, married or otherwise and we are still together. How would my being married make it any more stable? I dont need to marry to make my relationship more stable, thats just the point.

I think our union transcends marriage

Yes Dp but you know I totally disagree with you on that,and I think you areprobably in a minority.

Much as I would like to change your mind i think its probably time you accepted other peoplesdefinition of what they like as as static and valid as yours. Otherwise talking to you becomes pointless.