to want to just give dp pocket money?

[ButterPie]

I am a sahm, he works for minimum wage and we have two kids under three so not so much money sloshing about. I get all the "government" money in my account (tax credits, child benefit, dla) and he just gets his wages. I pay all the bills and he is meant to pay the rent but every single month he goes to his Dad for extra money (technically it is his money that his brother left for him when he died, but i thought the idea was to buy something big with it) and we got a letter today asking for us to pay back a months worth of housing benefit paid to him in error, which he would seem to have spent on god knows what and not rent.

We are trying to apply for housing and council tax benefit, but still he hasn't got together his bits of the paperwork. All I ask him to do is stick his bank statements and payslips in a certain box and I will file them, but I always end up finding them scattered around the house. He got a letter off his bank threatening to shut his account due to the number of times the rent standing order hasn't gone through.

AIBU to ask him to get his salary put in my account, buy him a bus pass each week and lunch, and then just give him pocket money once a week? Or would that just be encouraging him to be irresponsible?

Pros-

Easier to manage. I have online banking, I am at home all day so easier to ring bills companies etc

I have my bank account set up to automatically put the money for the bills to one side so everything in my "main" account is available to spend on food and the odd luxury

Less risk of getting evicted if I know the rent is paid on time every month (he is often a couple of days late)

The new housing and council tax benefit claim will go into my account, so it would simplify things.

With less money, he will probably drink and smoke less = healthier dp

Cons-

Means I am stuck with all the worry and responsibilty. He is a grown man, ten years older than me, he should be capable of paying one bill.

If we are skint one week, I will feel as if it is all my fault

If I treat myself to a book off amazon or a new dress or whatever, he might think I am spending money I should be spending on other stuff and resent me restricting his spending

If he smokes less, he will be a grumpy bugger for a while. Ditto drinking.

have you sat him down and explained it all like grown ups? if you have and he's still acting like a child, then I think treating him like one and giving him pocket money is fair game.

I'd add another possible con - if you take away his cards / means of payment I thinbk it's much more likely that he's start applying for credit without telling you. You might end up in a whole heap more trouble that you're in at the moment....

Hope you can find a solution that works for you both

If he is screwing up bill payments and putting your home at potential risk as well as giving you nightmares about budgeting I see no reason why you shouldn't have a sit down and talk about getting his salary paid into your account and letting you take full responsibility for paying the rent. Sometimes it just happens to be the case that one partner is better at doing the budgeting than another and so it makes sense for them to take over. You could couch it in terms that won't make him feel incapable (even if you think he is!), such as saying that as you already pay the bills it makes sense for you to pay the rent too and it saves him the worry of it. I have female friends and family who do this and it works well.

I fear however that you will alienate him by merely giving him 'pocket money' and that he would (rightly) find this insulting. Perhaps the better idea is to tell him that you NEED those documents for HB by, say, Wednesday evening, giving him time to sort them out, and then when the DC ae in bed sit down and discuss it. Suggest that his salary is put in your or a joint account by all means but make it clear that YOU will pay the rent and bills and that whatever is left, after food/clothing etc belongs to both of you and that you should defer to each other before making any big purchase from that sum.

I think it's definitely worth sitting down and discussing this like adults. He may be completely happy for you to take control, which if you are happy is the perfect solution.

I have full financial control of all bank accounts, pay DP's salary into our joint account (which bills come out of) as soon as it comes in, leaving him some money for the month. He is thrilled with this arrangement as he is completely crap with money and I [preen emoticon] and good with it and quite enjoy making all my little budgets match up.