to still be using this as an excuse...

[VerityClinch]

How long does having a baby entitle you to live like a slattern/not manage to wash your hair or shower/be constantly irritable/not have lost the babyweight/all the things it is completely acceptable to be when you have a newborn?

My DD is now 6 months old. She is an easy baby. A really sunny little girl, very sociable, hardly cries. Slept through from about 8 weeks - she sleeps, most nights, 6:30pm - 6am, wakes for a feed, then goes back to sleep until about 7:30am, 8am.

She's cutting her first tooth at the moment, and I have just moved her into her own room, so she is a bit fretful, but generally speaking, once she's down for the night, she's down. I check on her, but rarely have to actually DO anything to settle her.

But I am STILL knackered. I can't call it sleep deprivation, more a result of being constantly on the go with her. She only has 3 x 30 minute naps during the day (no surprise really when she sleeps so much at night), one of which is usually in her pram when we go for a walk - which makes the day seem very long. I never get a chance to do anything, and she is very alert and into everything while she's awake, won't be fobbed off with a bit of CeeBeebies, wants to play all the time and won't be parked in the bouncy chair for love nor money now she can roll - which means I can't let her out of my sight.

Throw weaning and teething into the mix and, to be honest, I am finding this stage way harder than when she was a newborn and feeding every three hours day and night.

DH leaves the house at 7:30am every morning and is rarely back before 8:30pm. Frequently a lot, lot later (midnight or even 2am is not unusual). I get no help in the week and usually only a couple of hours to myself over the weekend (by which I mean ACTUALLY to myself, ie, to take a long bath, not just time away from the baby to do laundry, go to the post office, catch up on filing etc etc).

Here's the question. Do I just need to grow a pair, get on with it, and accept that this is how life is now or am I still entitled to be constantly knackered, irritable and grumpy about, well, pretty much everything? And if the later, for how much longer?

YANBU.

DD is 8. DSs are 7 and 3.
I am looking at a pile of ironing across the room and trying to decide whether I can be bothered.

In your case I reckon you can 'claim' until primary school age.

Seriously you are entitled. It will get better bit by bit. I personally found 6months - 18 months really hard. It was at about that point dd started leaving me alone a bit needing me a bit less and entertaining herself a bit more (drawing / colouring while I made lunch / dinner, messing about in her bedroom while I went to the loo, playing with toys while I did nothing important stuff.

YANBU!

I think it's an acceptable excuse until they're old enough to do all the housework for extra pocket money thus freeing you up to do the other things...

YANBU - it is harder once they start to move around as you can't turn your backs on them for a second. Hang in there, at around 12mo she'll discover CBeebies learn how to entertain herself a bit more.

Get some help! Can you throw some money at the situation, even a small amount?
Can't you tell DH he is in charge of DD for Saturday afternoon, then you can go for lunch and shopping to the post office in peace?

YANBU (but I am v jealous of her sleeping!). I read a very good thing that said all mothers should consider paying someone, even for one morning a week to get some time off. Then you have a morning to yourself to do whatever you want, and she gets used to being away from you too which is always a good thing. With chilminders at average £5 an hour this could be £100 per month, not sure of the finances but worth considering?

childcare is relentless hard work, and you deserve a break!

YANBU. I left home once when dd was about 8 months old. DH had to cope with her. He is brilliant at most stuff, but is was of the old northern bastard 'children are lady's work' school of thought.I was only gone for the night, and turned my mobile off. In retrospect it was irresponsible, but it did give him the kick up the arse that was required.

12 months. I am sitting here with unwashed hair and un-clean house because Clingy McLimpet the Amazing Barnacle Boy has decided that it's separation anxiety day. YANU at all.

I'm sure the other two were interested in Cbeebies by this age.

Oh God at 6 months, dd was still feeding 2 hourly round the clock, was down to 2 naps of 30 minutes a day and would not sit in a bouncy chair/entertain herself/be left alone. I was so fricking exhausted I was hallucinating.

It was far worse than having a newborn.

18 months ish I would allow people to have small expectations of me, like clean hair and a smile.

Yanbu.

Being with a kid all day is hard work . Even when you are n't doing anything, you are waiting, watching, etc.

I felt like myself again by the time ds was about 2.5. HE is now 3.5 and I am expecting number 2... Glutton for punishment!

At 6 mths, they are changing all the time and looking for more stimulation, etc. ALso, you could do with a wee bit of time to yourself maybe. Are you going to be returning to work? Soem people find that helps. I am sahm, but learning to drive has given me a bit of time where I am not just Mum. COuld nayone give you an afternoon off now and then?

My youngest is 11. I am still using it as an excuse.

Got to go. Jeremy Kyle is on.

All joking aside, it is not up to anybody to be judgemental. They are not in your shoes and it is still a tough time, as other posters have said, almost harder than having a new born.

Please don't feel guilty.

Verity, when DS was 9 months old, I horrified my mum by putting him into a nursery for 2 mornings a week (just the mornings, Mon and Thurs) altho I was a SAHM. I justified this to everyone by saying that he was (and would always be) an only child, and needed to learn to socialise with other children.

In fact it was largely because I needed time to be ME just for 3 hours, a couple of times a week, to do things without having to work round DS/ with DS/ for DS. I could do the shopping, some washing, sometimes just have a nap, without having to multi-task.

It kept me sane, and was absolutely necessary for me.

I don't think it did DS any harm either.

Do you have a grandparent/sibling who might take DD for one morning a week for you? or could you bear/afford to send her to a childminder/nursery for half a day now and then.

And do make sure that her Daddy spends some 1-to-1 time with her at weekends. Otherwise, she'll be a teenager before he knows it, and he'll have missed it all.

God, does it get worse again? My 5 month old feeds two hourly round the clock but will entertain himself on his playmat or in his chair for half an hour at a time these days. I'm starting to feel quite chipper and doing things like having lunch. Don't tell me it gets harder

Heh there - being a Mum is exhausting. time consuming and all consuming!! The hours are punishingly long, the work is emotionally draining and you don't get to leave it all and go "home" at night and even when you do go to sleep, you have one ear open, even if your baby sleeps well.

It does get better and you do adjust!! Your baby is still very young and very dependant on you. You will find your own way of getting some "head" space for you. Different things work for different people.

I try to ensure my husband is home or I get a baby sitter for an hour after bed time one day a week and meet a few friends for a run. Time outside "on my own", mental health exercise and a good old natter makes me a happier Mummy and no matter how tired, I always feel more full of life afterwards! (btw, it's a short and slow run!!)

it does sound as though your DH works late as well - sometimes all that gets me through the afternoon is knowing I can hand over the DCs at 6pm and go for a wee.

YANBU My three year old has been feeling he has " a little voice" all day (his words not mine). I assume this means he has a sore throat but its hard to tell. Whatever it means he has been lying on the couch next to me with his head on my lap and his old baby blanket watching cbeebies and nick junior. If I stand up he cries, if I try to get him to do something he cries, If my 11 month old dares to look at him funny he cries. My house looks as though I have never cleaned it lol.

I am just glad he is happy to let me use the laptop otherwise I would have gone insane by now - I have been sat with him since 8:30 when my daughter went to school!

I think that children of any age being your responsibility is an excuse for pretty much anything

PS: Also currently trialing giving up my cleaner to have someone look after my baby for a few hours while I clean the house myself (dubious "me" time!) but have failed to actually get rid of cleaner and have used childcare time to do out of house jobs, deal with important but not urgent paper work, have hair cut and sit staring into space!!