To expect flowers or something?

[LouIsOnAHighwayToHell]

I know I am a little bit but it was my 30th on Sunday. I had a big party planned for Saturday night. Spent a fortune on food and wine. BF has had a cold the last week which turned into possibly manflu (we do not live together so had not seen him).
On Saturday he sent me a text saying he was not coming. I can undestand that as I would prefer him not to drive an hour if he was ill. I was disappointed as I would have liked to have seen him.
He spent all day on the couch watching tv, resting and online.
So AIBU to expect that he could have at least ordered flowers or something. The internet can do lots of fun things. It was my 30th and not some little dinner party.

Definitely nbu.
But some men just don't think

Oh, happy birthday for yesterday by the way

How long have you been together? How serious is it?

Sent a text?! Tbh if I were you I would assume he was dumping me but too wimpish to actually say it. I would ask him if that's the conclusion he's expecting you to draw. Or if you don't want to do that, just ignore him totally unless he realises he's a dickhead and does something to make amends.

Id be really annoid!

YANBU, have you spoken to him since? has he appologised for not getting you anything?

A text? He couldn't even pick up the phone? Never mind flowers, a bit of consideration wouldn't go amiss.

Is he worth keeping?

oh Boooooooohhh!

Shame on HIM!

See, technology has done nothing to the human kind. A TEXT?
And he cant even use the interflora website to order you some flowers?

Well I am seeing him this weekend (hopefully) and he did ring me twice yesterday so he did kind of make up some brownie points that way.
I am wondering if he wants to get out of the relationship now though. As we cannot see each other due to work during the week we often chat online during the day. We have both been online all day today and he has not said anything to me. Am I now being paranoid?

YANBU!

I would be seriously questioning your relationship. DH would have cut off his own arm rather than miss something so important to me, even before we were engaged. It is not a good sign IMO.

Not a Good Sign at all!

Omens aren't good, I'm afraid. Unless he genuinely dislikes parties but even so, it is quite unreasonable to allow your 30th to pass without some sort of gesture. A text, imvho being the communicative choice of a coward.

I really do not want the relationship to end though. I have fallen very hard for this man and we have spoken of marraige etc. Shit.

I dunno LIOAH, is this how you would usually communicate with each other?

How long have you been together? If you only see each other at weekends, how much time have you actually spent together to be talking about marriage?

It's impossible to really know what's going on in someone else's relationship, only you know what it's really like and what works for you.

There's no point in marrying an arse.

Not everyone is bothered about birthdays, even those with a 0 at the end. Don't get yourself wound up about this if the rest of the relationship is lovely, if he's kind, funny, helpful, treats you with respect etc.
However, if you are constantly worrying about when/if he will next call and analysing everything he says and does and everythign you say and do in case you need to change your behaviour in order to get some sort of indication that he might be taking the relationship seriously.... then it's probably time to cut your losses and move on.

Has he met your friends and family before?
If yes do they like him?
If no then maybe he got cold feet about meeting them?

I feel for you, long distance rrlationships suck

do you both have kids?

He was ill. I have no problem with him missing the party. I think I am just overanalysing things. We just spent a week together and I guess I am just waiting for the ball to drop and and him to want out (really need more self esteem ). Everything is great in the relationship though. I could not be happier. Oh well must stop dwelling on it take it as it comes. Thanks for the advice everyone.

Well an update.
He says that he is preoccupied with his illness and that he is feeling trapped.
Great. Find the love of my life and he mentions marraige and babies and then says I trapped him. I really do not understand men sometimes.

I'm sorry.
He has bad timing, to tell you this around your birthday.