to think DP's family are taking the p**s?

[Eliza70]

My BIL is single, aged 44. For about 18 mths (when DP and I started living together) I had him and FIL round for dinner once a week, and him on his own another time during the week meaning I was making him dinner about twice a week, he also comes round for a take-away once a week (which we pay for event though he has a very well paid job and on the rare time he does pay he gets the money back from us).

Once we had our first child I put my foot down a bit and we have FIL about once a fortnight (and he takes us out for dinner about once a month), however BIL still phone DP nearly every day to ask what our "plans" for dinner our and to try and wangle an invitation. In addition SIL ended up living with us for 10 months and I cooked her (and sometimes BIL and FIL) dinner on average about four times a week (and she made NO financial contribution to household bills during this time - we bought all the food, soft drinks, elec bills, gas bill etc).

Now every Sunday between 4.00 and 5.00 BIL will phone to see if DP wants to go to the cinema and to ask if we have "plans" for dinner, we always have roast (and he knows this) and then he asks "is there enough for me?" It happened today and although I had resolved that the answer was going to be no (I am also 40 weeks pregnant) it just seems totally impossible to say no to him.

Am i being unreasonable to think that (a) he should learn to cook for himself, (b) stop phoning and inviting himself (c) reciprocate once in a while or should DP and I just grow some and tell him he can't come??

"Is there enough for me?"

"no. I just made enough for us."

Hecate - email me on suejonez at aol com.

i think you should make sunday dinner the once a week family thing.

and invite them round and tell them so.

Offer Sunday lunch one a month (or whatever) and get BIL & FIL to bring wine & a nice dessert (or get them to cook & bring the meat etc). If they 'forget' repeatedly then stop inviting them over.

My DHs older brother is very similar to this, he used to rock up whenever he fancied it with his 8 year old DD in tow then settle down to chat/eat/watch football with DH expecting me to entertain said DD. He even did it the eve of our wedding, tried to drag DH off to the pub while leaving his DD for me to look after, even though I was running around like a headless chicken trying to sort out a load of last minute crises.

To solve the Sunday problem why not start doing your roast for lunch, then when he rings at 4 you've already eaten. Ask him for the money for the takeaway - he does it to you so can't be offended at that. Or stop making too much roast, make just enough for you, DH and DCs and then say that no, there isn't enough for him. I think that he probably thinks that "Is there enough for me" is just his "jokey" way of telling you that he's coming - if he comes every week he has no reason to know that you're not fine with it.

Feel sorry for you - bet it is not that simple to just say no. Can you have your roast at lunchtime, so that when he calls in the evening it's all over and done with?
Can your husband treat you to a carvery (or similar) one Sunday - suggest BIL babysits whilst the two of you pop out?
I understand that you don't want to rock the boat but at the same time don't want to be used!
Good luck with the baby by the way - 40 weeks! Hope you manage to put your feet up and not to have to cook for a while!

I'd just say no if he asks if there's enough. i'd also tell him that if you want folk for dinner you'll invite them but you have enough people to cook for. I'd tell DH to give the message to his family re fishing for invites too, or insist he does all the cooking.
I'd also ask for money for takeaways if it's always 1 way traffic.
Sounds like you have to be blunt and stop trying to please people whilst resenting them.