to feel bullied by my SIL sometimes?

[onthepier]

She's single btw, and although she's good with both dd's, she's often sarcastic to me about all sorts of things!

For instance, over Xmas we were all having a light hearted convo about snoring, both of my girls snore and we often threaten to tape record the noise as they don't believe us! My SIL asked if her brother, (my dh) does and I said no, as he honestly doesn't! My SIL got in a huff, "Oh for god's sake ONTHEPIER, why don't you just join in and say yes, there's no harm in it is there?" She looked at everybody, shaking her head which made me feel quite awkward.

Our youngest has just started school and is quite shy. If she's invited to a party for instance she always wants me to stay, which I don't mind at all. I get a buzz out of seeing her enjoy herself, and I can chat to the other mums and help out if needed. My SIL just groans, "For goodness sake, you're not still STAYING at these things are you?" as if it's the most boring thing on the planet, it's not!

We recently had a weekend away and she couldn't really understand why we wanted to take the kids with us, she kept offering (in a pushy way) to look after them while we just went and had our "own time", and didn't take kindly to the fact that we were looking forward to a "family" weekend, just the four of us. Also when my youngest was breastfeeding my SIL used to get frustrated when we were all out together and I had to stop regularly to breastfeed, she asked why I couldn't "knock it on the head" so outings weren't so regimented. When I said I was happy to breastfeed as long as she needed it, good for the baby etc, she looked at me as though I was from a different planet!

If I talk about having enjoyed an outing to a playpark or somewhere with the girls she'll make a comment, "Oh you really know how to enjoy yourself don't you!" My dh and I do enjoy our own time as well and have friends, but I really enjoy my time with the children too, is that a crime?!

I wonder if it could be jealousy although my dh just thinks his sister is a totally different type to me and it's just her way. He can't understand that I feel a bit bullied and nervous around her!

Sounds like she has ishoos about what a close family unit you have. Her reactions are entirely her stuff going down, so you need not feel bullied. Not your responsibility at all.

Shes a rude cow!
You call her out on these comments Ie- Oh sil, you really have a problem with my bfing dont you (in a mock smypathetic way) and whatever she says back just smile and say "yes we're all different with different ideas arnt we? "
or you just have to carry on the way you are.
Once you start standing up for yourself it will be easy.
I hate bullys

She sounds rude and annoying. Try turning her own words back on her and making it a joke, perhaps? ie give a big smile and say "Oh FGS, SIL, why should I have to lie and say DH snores when he doesn't?". It will show her childishness up for what it is.

And it's great you have such a lovely close family with whom you enjoy spending time. Don't let her spoil that with her silly issues. Nod, smile, back away.

This would piss me right off! She is being very rude, agree with other comments, answer loudly for averyone to here that "yes I do know how to have fun, fun is playing with my DCs" stuff like that. Maybe she will shut up then.

She sounds like a typical person who doesn't have DCs and has no idea tbh. She will soon change her mind when she has some of her own. And she also sounds envious of the lovely family life that you have with a husband and children, taking family holidays (how dare you go away with your DCs ).

Putting aside her unfortunate (and frankly ignorant) comment about breastfeeding it sounds to me like some of these comments are her attempt at humour. What some people feel is good-natured joking and teasing, less extrovert souls can feel is bordering on aggressive.

It sounds like you and her are never going to be best buddies. But it would be good if she can get the message that she needs to ease off on you, as you find it upsetting.

Perhaps you feel obliged to laugh or smile or give answers that show you "get the joke". Perhaps this is contributing to your feeling that she is bullying you?

Dare I suggest that a form of honesty is the best policy here? From now on, when she makes one of these sarcastic comments that you don't find funny, don't feel obliged to laugh, or even make a response. If there's an awkward silence, it just shows everyone present that her comment was ill-judged. If you feel brave enough, and the occasion is right, how about saying to her: "Actually, I find that comment a bit upsetting. I feel like you're criticising me for [going to the park/staying at a party/etc.]". It's the truth, after all.

Even if it doesn't change her behaviour, at least from now on you can more or less ignore her.

no yanbu
she sounds like an arsehole

she sounds a bit socially awkward and a bit rude but i don't know why you'd feel bullied by her - can you not just smile wryly and shake your head or make faces.

she's a bit odd, you don't see eye to eye, that's ok.. you sound secure in your own choices and the way your family works so why do you let her comments affect you?

Thanks for your posts, I don't know why I let her get to me really, I need to either think of quick responses, (why do I always think of them afterwards?), or just ignore her.

She's older than me, just turned 40. She says she doesn't want to settle down with anybody but I wonder if she really does.
Like I say she's good with the girls, but tends to hype them up to the limit, to the point where even I can do nothing with them, then comments that I'm looking tired and sarcastically asks if I need a lie down!

PARAKEET, I was once upset by a comment she made, she realised it and laughed it off as a joke. I'm not shy exactly but she's certainly more extrovert than me so we have different ways of communicating. DH and his family just put up with it, if I say anything to DH he brushes it aside, saying it's just her way and he's like it with him sometimes, but her "heart's in the right place", . I suppose it's different for family, and although I've known her a long time I can't just accept her as she is. I end up feeling resentful if a special celebration such as Christmas, a birthday etc that I want to enjoy with our children,
is marred by her comments.

Ah, I think the age does make a difference. It is jealousy. And if deep down she does want what you have, try to be generous - hard, I know, if she's belittling you.

you ought to just laugh and say, oh sil, do you realise how jealous and petty you sound!? Then shake your head and pull funny faces! She's so jealous she must be visibly .

though, longtalljosie's approach is much more correct!

Yours is more satisfying though groundhogs!