Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my aunt dead?

48 replies

mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 02:56

Shes and junkie, and a dealer into the bargin. This has been going on for years, in and out of jail etc.
She has a daughter who i'll call jane. Jane lived with my family most of her life as her mum has been in jail for the vast majority. When she was little and did stay with her mum she would come to our house to visit with this dazed look on her face and complain her legs were sore. We later found out after the house had been raided that jane was sitting inhaling the fumes from the heroin they were smoking.
Cut to 10 years later and jane is back with her mother (after spending 10 years with us)and gets pregnant (14!!!!! ) We found out through a phone call from the school saying jane had a very distinct bump. Turns out she was 38 weeks pregnant.
So jane has the baby, but her mother takes over from the minute he was born so jane never really formed a bond with him.
The baby is now 3, Jane goes to college on the understanding that her mum will look after the baby through the week and she'l come home at the weekends. Her mum gets busted AGAIN while the baby was in the house and now he's been taken into care. Jane isn't allowed to know where her son is due to child protection issues which is fair enough but is allowed 2 hourly visits weekly. She is expecting my family to take on the same role that we took on for her, but we cant do it. I have my DS, my mum is looking after her dp son so doesnt have the room.
AIBU to wish that my aunt will give herself a leathal dose of heroin and kill herself. I mean what use is she? She's had 2 bites at the cherry and fucked it up both times. Shes put 2 children through the trauma of losing a loved 1, and probably had them both withdrawing from heroin at an early age.
sorry this is long i just needed to get this off my chest!

OP posts:
Seabright · 15/01/2010 13:40

Would SS consider placing him in your area? That would he could have contact with his family and you could keep an eye on him without having total responsibility for him?

I don't know if that's possible, but am trying to think of options for you all.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 13:41

sb6699 i know what you mean and have asked her why she left him there, she couldn't answer me. Shes really immature and her son is more like a brother to her as she hasn't really had the chance to be a mother to him. He calls her jane, and calls my aunt mum. when i heard him doing this the 1st time i was really angry and told both of them that is wasn't right.

OP posts:
LittleMrsHappy · 15/01/2010 13:42

She got caught with £12,000 of heroin, and a wack of other drugs. imagine how many people she's dealing that to, and destroying their life as well along with their families

Im not trying to wind you in at all, you made the comment above? I clearly did not "know what you mean" as your did not make your post clear.

You asked if AIBU to wish my aunt dead, then Yes you are.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 13:44

SAC- he never sees him, he did when he was born but the novelty soon wore off. I dont think the grandparent take anything to do with him either.

Seabright - i'll ask about that. i didn't even think about it..thanks

OP posts:
sb6699 · 15/01/2010 13:46

Does her college have a nursery? (mine did)

If she can get him a place there and continue her studies it would be a great solution and would look very good as far as SS goes.

I know your family cant take on full responsibility for Janes DS and completely understand that but would you/other family members be able to pop in on a regular basis. If SS can see she has good family support this would set her in good stead too.

Tryharder · 15/01/2010 13:46

I think YA probably being a BU to wish her dead but I understand your sentiments. Drug addicts are a waste of space and I don't buy all this "illness" crap - it's a lifestyle choice.

TBH, this baby would be better off if he were adopted by a nice family although I have no idea what the chances are of that ever happening. From what you say, it does not appear that your cousin would be able to give her child a stable home.

It's a disgrace that the baby was ever allowed to be looked after by your aunt in the first place.

sweetnsour · 15/01/2010 13:47

How grim for you. All I can say is don't pay any attention to the 'You should have taken my son' remarks from Jane - that's not helpful or kind from her, altho' I can see she was desperate enough to come out with that sort of rubbish.

Re the original question: no, you're not being unreasonable wishing auntie dead, but even if she was, the situation wouldn't change. Try and abandon the idea she's a functioning human being - that might help.

Auntie doesn't sound like she'll make old bones anyhow.

sb6699 · 15/01/2010 13:49

LMH - this is a very emotional subject for the OP. She is justifiably angry at her aunts behaviour and just venting and in a roundabout way asking for advice.

I agree the subject heading is harsh but not really what this thread is about.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 13:53

Theres no way she'l get him back at least for another 6 months, he's been placed on the child protection register and a court order has been inforced. We tried getting more involved by popping round to the house, taking him at the weekends etc. but we knew she was back on it when she stopped answering the door to us and wouldn't answer the phone. We tried going through jane to get access but her mum n dad wouldn't let her go in the end as my mum could smell the heroin off both their clothes..it stinks and theres no mistaking the smell.

OP posts:
ElenorRigby · 15/01/2010 13:59

Yanbu

Some people just suck the life out of others, have nothing to contribute. Instead the block the happiness of others for their own selfish wants, destroying lives that could be good, without the blocking of their selfish parasitic existence. Its not bad enough that people like this destroy their own lives they have to take others with them too.

So sorry for your family, your niece and her son.

LittleMrsHappy · 15/01/2010 14:05

Agree sb66999

Can I just say also, the child wont be placed nearer to the family home, simply due to the protection of the child.

The mother needs to prove that she can make sure the welfare of the child is her priority and also she needs to prove that she has made adequate provisions in order to maintain her child's welfare.

hth x

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 14:09

But we miss him, we haven't seen him in since nov. I can't sleep with worry. Do yo think ss would let us visit him?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 15/01/2010 14:20

No your not unreasonablle you're human.

All this "drug addiction is an illness" crap is all very well, but the reality is that drug addicts do make the choice to take that first line of coke/whatever, so it is an illness of their own making and one which destroys lives, both theirs and those of the people they come into contact with.

Presumably as the aunt was caught with twelve grand's worth of drugs she's going to be going down for a while so won't be around to destroy any more lives for a bit at least.

As for the baby, I'm going to be blunt, but tbh I thin he'd be better off being adopted out of the disfunctional family he's in. At least that way he'll have a chance of a normal upbringing.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 14:25

If he did get adopted would we ever see him again? I couldn't handle the thought of never being able to see him again. He's my special little guy, and he always says your my favourite aunty (even though were 2nd cousins)

OP posts:
Pikelit · 15/01/2010 14:29

"As for the baby, I'm going to be blunt, but tbh I thin he'd be better off being adopted out of the disfunctional family he's in. At least that way he'll have a chance of a normal upbringing."

Agree.
But do think OP is BU in wishing anyone dead.

sb6699 · 15/01/2010 14:31

I think there's something called "open adoption" which if both parties agree to it, the adopted child can stay in touch with their birth family.

Dont know very much about it but maybe if you post under Adoption someone there will have more info.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 14:31

I hope she gets at least 10 years that she has to serve, hopefuly she be charged with neglect too. I think she gets sentenced next month, which i wont be going to this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 14:33

would jane have to agree for him to be adopted? i dont think she would.

OP posts:
sb6699 · 15/01/2010 14:36

I'm not sure if she would have to agree if the child has been in danger.

Sorry, I dont really know the ins and outs.

LittleMrsHappy · 15/01/2010 14:45

The courts will look at all the evidence submitted and make a decision from their.

Jane does not have a option if the child would be adopted, if he has been removed into care by SS, and a welfare order granted by the courts.

Morloth · 15/01/2010 17:56

If they are as fucked up as this thread implies then I would think it was better for the little boy to be completely removed from the entire family and for you to cut off contact with them (both your aunt and Jane), no point throwing your family under the bus in an effort to pick up someone else's.

Though YABU to wish someone dead. You can however make them gone from your life.

Original poster
mummysgoingmad · 15/01/2010 20:55

yeh they are that fucked up! sometimes i cant believe we're related, however Jane is like my little sister and i couldn't just ditch her in her hour of need... (bet i sound like a right push over!)

OP posts:
victoriascrumptious · 15/01/2010 23:38

YANBU, better off dead than a drain on society and a source of destruction to all the innocent people around them. Junkies like this are a pointless waste of air and space

New posts on this thread. Refresh page