to expect family not to take advantage??

[TootsieSmith]

Sorry this is a bit long! I own an internet business, and I have two members of staff. I have an assistant who has been with me for quite a while, and she helps me out during the week. And I also have my cousin.

My cousin turned 16 in October, and a few weeks later her Mum (my aunty) asked if I would let her work for me on Saturdays. My cousin was also enthusiastic about this, and the reason would be so that she could gain useful experience in admin and in using a website.

My cousin is a lovely girl, funny and clever, but she of course your average teenager who loves boys and her friends!

I explained that I would be happy to take her on, I would pay her £6.50 an hour and she would have the appropriate entitlements. Myself, my cousin and aunty all went out for dinner and I explained in depth that it would be an official job, and that I would register it with the tax office and she would have a contract etc. I tried to make it understood that it would be a formal arrangement.

They seemed really enthusiastic about this, and I was looking forward to it as well. I am close with my family, so thought it would be nice sharing this with her.

Anyway, the first week was no problem. She turned up, I showed her through what she would be doing (all quite basic stuff). We took a lunch break, and she quite happily got on with what I'd asked her to do.

The second week, my aunty text me in the morning and asked if my cousin could come in an hour later as she had stayed at a friends the night before and needed to go home and change first. I said fine, and didn't ask her to stay later or anything.

The third week, no problems. But on the next week, my aunty text again asking could my cousin not come in today because it was her friends birthday and they were all going out - and she didnt want to miss it. I said fine but she would not get paid for it, as paid leave was to be discussed in advance. My aunty said 'Oh it's fine, her Dad gave her some money yesterday.'

And ever since this she has only done 3 full Saturdays, and they are only 5 hour shifts! There is always a reason for her being late, or not coming in - and it bugs me more that her Mum is the one texting me! It seems that whenever she already has money or something better to do, she can't come in. She would not get away with this working for any other employer, and per the agreement I specifically set aside things for her to do. I was trying to give her an oppurtunity, when in truth I'm sure my assistant would happily do the extra work, as she could probably use the money. My aunty is a lovely woman, but unfortunately she has also been known to take advantage of peoples kindness, to the point of just plain selfishness.

I am not good with confrontation, but I am at the point where I feel that hiring her is causing me more work than it is anything else, and I hate the feeling that I am just being walked all over. If I give her the same rights as any other employee, surely they should also treat this as the proper job that it is? Even if my 16yo cousin cannot see this, surely her Mother should be emphasising that she should be turning up, and not asking me on her behalf??I feel very silly for agreeing to this to begin with, as I am terrible at confrontation. She has a contract, which needs to be stuck to. How do I confront this without causing any ill feeling??

Fire her. Bugger ill feeling.

I ran a business with my husband - he was director, I was office manager. He threatened to fire me. He felt I was underperforming and had my priorities wrong. He meant it btw.

Work is work and family is family. Your business cannot suffer because a family member thinks you are running a charity.

Warn her that if she doesn't pull up her socks you will be unable to confirm her employment.

Oh, and stop letting her mother ring in for her. If she wants to phone in work she should do it herself.

If you are old enough to work you are old enough to make your own phone calls-you employ your cousin and not your aunt.none of my staff ever get their mums to phone me if they are unable to work as they know i wouldnt entertain speaking to them, just as i wouldnt leave an important message with their mums-i dont employ the mother!

i'd treat it like any other employee was doing this. There's lots of 16 year olds out there who would really like to get the experience and money of this job. You made it clear that this was a formal job, so if there is any hard feelings from them, tough

I totally agree with other posters on this, you set out from the start what you expected of her and she hasnt delivered, in any other job she would be at least on some sort of disciplinary/capability.

Thanks. I definitely need to address it, I'm just struggling with how. I want her to get something positive from this oppurtunity, I suppose I'll have to sit down and say what I'm thinking.

She will get something positive from it - how to behave at work It's a really valuable lesson and will help her when she's older.

I think you should approach it as a disciplinary (although maybe not use that word but keep it formal), explain what you expect (maybe a weeks notice of leave) and other than that, you expect her to be there. Give her another chance or ask if she'd rather leave, if she wants to stay then review in a set period of time. I would also remind her that you won't be able to give her a glowing reference if she doesn't sort herself out.

Your right PurpleCrazyHorse, I will try and word it in a way that it doesn't seem as if I'm telling her off...it really is just beyond acceptable now. Thankyou.

I understand its a very difficult situation working with family, my sis employs my sil to manage her shop but sil has fallen well short of what is expected of her and has been taking the p**s in a variety of ways.Its so much more difficult to say anything as you don't want it vibrating through the whole family.

You are in a slightly better position than my sis as you outlined clearly the expectations from the start you can now refer back to that conversation 'remember how we talked about x, y, z well how do you feel you are doing at achieving these things' You could also try speaking to your aunt and explain that you really want your cousin to gain from this opportunity (it is a great one and she is BLOODY lucky to be getting it!) but that part of that experience is taking responsibility for turning up/being on time or speaking to you if for any reason she can't - NOT texting

YANBU!

You hired her in good faith, and set out an official contract with her and the tax office. She's now breaking that contract, and if it were anywhere else would have been hauled up long before this.

Talk to her directly - Your aunt isn't her employer, and she has no business being at a meeting between you and your cousin. It seems a little like it's the Aunt letting her get away with it too, when I got my first job my mum was always on at me to behave well, get there on time/early, and to work hard. If your aunt is offering to call you for her, and they're supplementing her money anyway, how is your cousin supposed to take it seriously at home. She spends more time there than at work.

Put your foot down and tell your cousin that she has to take responsibility. Don't let her mum call in for her, and start giving verbal and written warnings, as you would with any employee. It's a real job, so her poor performance has to have real consequences. She would have learned that by now if she'd worked elsewhere, and maybe the very real threat of losing her quite cushy job (£6.50 at 16 is a fantastic amount of money my first job paid me £3.70!)will make her buck her ideas up. If it doesn't, then don't feel guilty about letting her go. It's the best lesson she could get for the future, and she'll probably thank you for it in five or ten years time.