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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

someone come and give me a slap!!!

17 replies

benbon · 13/01/2010 18:35

ok so my husband walked out in july last year. was a real shock, didnt see it coming atall... 2 days before we were suppose to be taking the children to disney land. and 1 week before our wedding anniversary and our sons birthday.

somedays i think im over him and that im moving on.. other days i feel like i still love him ( was with him since i was 16, now 25)

well i have just found out he is seeing someone new. has been since nov-dec and i feel like my heart has broken again..

i feel so cross that he is able to move on so quickly when i cant move on as he very rarely has the kids so i dont have a chance to get out...

OP posts:
Heqet · 13/01/2010 18:37

I certainly won't give you a slap! I might give you a hug, but this is mumsnet, you can swear, you can talk bumsex, you can even admit to raising your kid on greggs sausage rolls and grapes pinched from Tesco but give a hug and they chuck your arse out!

What you're feeling is normal. It's like grieving in a way.

Seabright · 13/01/2010 18:39

You don't need a slap, you need a large glass of wine and a whole tube of pringles.

His loss. If he can walk out like that when he's got responsibilities I don't see a long lasting relationship with the new woman.

Did he give a reason for going? If so, was it a "real" reason, or was he just being crappy?

littlemiss72 · 13/01/2010 18:41

You don't need a slap you need a bit HUG!

A breakdown of a relationship is never easy and everyone needs time to get over it in their own way.

Finding out he has another partner only brings all those feelings rushing back, your time will come and I bet you he also feels pang of hurt when that day comes.

NewnameSameoldme · 13/01/2010 18:41

I think you should ask him to have the kids more often. That'll cramp his style.

Casmama · 13/01/2010 18:59

Newname- agree Op should ask him to have the kids more often but perhaps for their benefit and so that the OP can get the chance to get out a bit more and have some fun.

Benbon you are still so young and have loads and loads of time to move on when you are ready. Treat yourself gently and work on having some fun with friends - relationships will take care of themselves when the time is right X

Casmama · 13/01/2010 19:00

sorry just realised that last message might have sounded really patronising - really didn't mean it that way.

BelleDameSansMerci · 13/01/2010 19:03

I don't think you need a slap either... I think your reaction is completely normal. You've not been split that long so it's not surprising that this is a bit raw.

What I think you need is a coffee with Bailey's in it and some chocolate. x

scottishmummy · 13/01/2010 19:18

goodness me.cut yourself some slack.dont be so harsh on yourself.healing takes time

Original poster
benbon · 13/01/2010 19:59

thank you so much for the kind replies...

i do ask he to have them more often but he always has some excuse or other...
he will leave it to the last minute eg, call me on the thursday to say he wants them on the saturday!
so i asked him to email me in advance the dates he is able to have them so i can let all involved know what is going on...
so i finally received an email 2 days ago asking to have them on the 30th-31st january. thats like 3 weeks away but he seems to think that its ok.. he was a shit when we were together so i dont know why im suprised..

well i still dont fully know why he left.. some of the reasons i gathered were that i once told him i though he was too old to wear spikes in his hair, another one is that when i cook beans i burn them, also he went to work one night for a night shift and when he came back in the morning there was still washing up left...

we had an argument and i suggested he went to his mates fully expecting him to come back the next day, but he just never came back!

OP posts:
traumaqueen · 13/01/2010 20:01

Don't you have a formal childcare arrangement? He DOES pay maintenance doesn't he?

cathcat · 13/01/2010 20:06

OMG he sounds very immature. Did he always behave like a small child???
can you get a more formal childcare arrangement in place to make sure he is pulling his weight?

Original poster
benbon · 13/01/2010 20:09

yeah he does pay maintenence. that is the only thing he is good at... my main problem is that he works shifts so says he cant commit... in fact his words to me were you never understood it when we were together i dont know y u think youd understand it now

OP posts:
cathcat · 13/01/2010 20:26

Plenty people work shifts and manage childcare! Don't let him fob you off.
He is a cheeky sod, IMO.

Original poster
benbon · 13/01/2010 20:39

unfortunately i married the most sarcastic and arrogant man on the south coast... he knows that im not as bright as him... originally when he left he said he would be working less to spend more time with the kids but he is still working as many hours as he did before...
it just breaks my heart that he can not see the children and not be bothered. our son has a hospital appointment on friday (likely he is going to be diagnosed as having aspergers or some form of autism) and he is too busy to come although its his day off.

OP posts:
PureAsTheColdDrivenSnow · 13/01/2010 20:40

he needs a fucking slap.

InsertExpletive · 13/01/2010 20:50

You really do need to be kinder to yourself hon.

On a practical note, do you have parents or in-laws who might be able to help you out with the children every now and again so you get to at least have a little fun?

Original poster
benbon · 13/01/2010 21:59

my mum is fab. unfortunately my nan had a stroke on new years eve and has not left hospital since so my mum is at the hospital every day.. rightly so..

his parents have not even called the children to see how they are since he left.
my daughter is nearly seven and neither of them have ever baby sat not even once in 7 years..

OP posts:
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