To be angry with DH?

[cece]

I think I need some perspective.

I am finding myself getting increasingly crosser/angrier with DH because of his lying in bed in the morning.

He works full time from home, so can get up 5 mins before he needs to start work. I am currently on Maternity leave with a 7 and half month old baby, a 6 yr old and 8 yr old.

I cannot remember the last time I have had a llie in - I am talking years here. I get up with the baby every morning. This can be anytime from 5.30 am, usually nearer to 6.30/7 am.

He on the other hand is lying in bed watching TV while I am running around feeding everyone, getting them dressed etc on school days. Often emerging about 8/8.15 ish to help get their coats on.

At the weekend he lies in both days. Although he says as he takes DC2 to rugby at 9.30 he doesn't lie in on a Sunday. He gets up at 9 am! I am up abd give DC2 his breakfast etc... I would love to lie in till 9 am!

Anyway this Sunday just gone he finally emerged from bed at midday... then asked me at the end of the day why I was being so quiet? and was everything OK?

Then today at 8 am I shouted up to him 'are you getting up?'. His reply was 'why?' - I could hear the TV on...

AM I being unreasonable or do I have justified grounds for asking for the odd lie in?

I can 't believe you had to "check" it was okay to want/have a lie in.

Thanks for the extra info..

Mornings are hard for people with depression (in general it's worse in the mornings and lifts as the day goes on). BUT, I think that it can help people with depression to get on with things in the morning - to engage with life. Watching lots of TV is not going to help because it's relaxing but not rewarding, so it's a bit of a negative spiral.

I think you should start by trying to take turns with a lie-in at the weekends.

Is he under any treatment for the depression - maybe if he's on meds it could be altered ?

He is on meds and has been for 2 years now. He is trying to decrease his dosage under supervision.

I think I have just got so tired lately that it has suddenly become an issue for me. Never really minded too much before. DC3 still not sleeping through... but don't feel like I can complain as it was me who really pestered to have him iyswim.

I feel for you ...

Is there any way you can encourage the sleeping through ?

Okay so he has insomnia & depression (been there had that t-shirt) but he could still get up earlier and help. Could he get up in time to supervise whilst you have a shower and get dressed and then he can go off and do the same?

I think you do need to talk to him and tell him how resentful it's making you.

Perhaps for one day at the weekend you discuss and arrange to to something as a family and part of that is that he agrees to get up and take part in it.

I am amazed you have 3 DC. I'd have cut the nuputials off long ago.

No wonder you're tired. Do agree you have to spell it out to him, very slowly and clearly so he understands and does something about it.

nuputials? nuptials

And if he thinks what you do at home isn't working then he won't mind doing it himself in the mornings, will he? If it's not graft for him.

having suffered with depression too, i know that feeling where you just want to stay in bed - but honestly, getting up and doing stuff is far better for him = allowing him to stay in bed is allowing him to fester in his on pit of misery - he needs to crack that one straight away actually, it will be a big step forward for him

LEM - me too

Well this morning I tried to get him up at 7.30 am, as he had expressed an interest in being shown how to prepare the formula for breakfast.

Apparently though he had had a bad night and would learn tomorrow....

So I waited till 8.30 then left the baby with him in bed, the older two watching tv, and went to Sainsburys!

I got back at quarter to eleven. The baby had been fed, two children out of three and himself were dressed!

Result! Does he warrant a gold star for working out for himself the intricacies of mixing formula with water?

LOL He claims not to remember how to do the sterilising bit.! To be fair DC3 has only into his second week of having his cereal mixed with formula so he hasn't done it for over 5 years... but then I can read instructions you see, apparently men can't read them for some reason!

Well it's the step in the right direction, just keep on with it.

Good for you cece. I bet he feels good about it too.