To be a bit disappointed by friend's behaviour?

[WildSeahorses]

Bit of background as do not wish to be accused of AIBU by stealth! Is about someone who used to be my closest friend up to a couple of years ago (when I moved jobs and therefore we saw each other less frequently, although did keep in touch and met for drinks fairly regularly). Last year, said friend decided at the last minute to not come to my wedding because they had arranged to go abroad to see a former work colleague on the same weekend (that visit being arranged after being told the wedding date). Friend did not send a card or even a text to acknowledge the wedding, or otherwise contact me in any way afterwards.

Fast forward 2-3 months: I made Facebook and email contact a couple of times in an attempt to avoid the situation becoming really awkward. Friend responds, tone is perfectly friendly and all seems fine. Obviously I accept that we are unlikely to go back to being each other's closest friend, but am pleased that everything seems matey.

In December I send a Christmas card to friend and include a note mentioning that I am expecting DC1. Have not received a response (not even a Christmas card). AIBU to be a bit hurt by this?

Friend has in no way indicated that I have (for e.g.) done anything that has offended or that would merit this kind of treatment. TBH I do have a sneaking suspicion that friend may be a bit jealous - he has always been open about the fact that he wants to have a family and I seem to be getting everything that he wants to have for himself (he is single - although he has had girlfriends, he has not ever has a really serious relationship/lived with anyone/proposed).

I am really sad about the whole situation - had he not been acting so weirdly over the past few months I would have certainly asked him to be a godfather to DC1 (obviously I'm not going to do that in the circumstances). I'm also not sure what to do - would sending a friendly email suggesting meeting up for drinks fall into the category of "friend who does not go away when clearly no longer wanted" - should I be taking the hint here, or would it be kinder to accept that he might be having a tough time of things and try to keep my friendship with him going?

Assuming (from your expecting comment) that you are female (although some guys talk about "being pregnant" when they mean their partners are), I would say that your friend may have an issue with you getting married, having a baby - possibly because he fancies you?

Maybe he fancies you, and is gutted that you have had the cheek to marry someone else and make a baby with them?

Ask him what's going on. You have nothing to lose.

What they said!

he probably fancied you once and now doesn't.

I would cut your losses and leave itfor the time being.

Not sure about the jealousy bit, Maybe he feels you have moved on and you havent got much in common anymore.

If he has responded via facebook then it doesnt look like he is pointedly ignoring you.

I would just do the usual thing of sending the odd email, birthday and christmas cards. If you get none back then you will know exactly where you stand with him.

You just need to talk to him - none of this FB nonsense; just ring him up and ask if you've offended him and that should open up the whole issue.

One of my best friends sounds just like yours - male, single, wants a family and to settle down etc - but he's never been anything but supportive during my marriage(s), children etc. So this isn't something that single men normally do - he's behaving oddly. The fancying you/bit of a crush scenario seems the most likely.

men don't send cards in the same way... they mgiht, if they think of it, or if their wife/girlfriend or sister arranges it for them, but men don't walk in to card shops to buy congratulations on your wedding/engagement card for a friend their own age.

i wouldn't ask him what's going on! it was once an easy friendship, and now it's not easy anymore, it's work. It's a simple as that. It's not you.

If its a man then they are not as good as women in communicating imo and through personal experience. I would just leave it dont spend too much time on it tbh and just concentrate on what you have.

2 possible things I thought of when reading your post. First, what others have said, did he maybe think you may become more than friends, not a possibility now you are married/family on way, or, is there any problem between DH and him, i.e. do they get on/does DH have any issues with you having a platonic male friend, or rather does your friend think he might?

It would be a shame to lose the friend entirely without asking him first if there are any issues that can be worked out. I would ring him.

I had a very similar situation with a really close friend who got jealous and stopped speaking to me when I bought a house with dp. We're not in touch at all any more and I find that on the odd occasion we bump into each other (mutual friends' parties etc) I can't be bothered even talking to him for longer than I have to, to be polite. It is sad but your friend is being an idiot and I suspect the longer this goes on the less you will miss his friendship.

Also I think guys view friendships much more casually than women - they don't work so hard to maintain them, IMHE, they just enjoy seeing each other when they do meet up and don't stress over who said what and why etc.

So if he doesn't fancy you, or did fancy you and now doesn't/ realises nothing's going to happen, then I think you just have to accept you'll see him when you see him - and not take offence.