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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not bother contacting old friend?

12 replies

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2010 12:53

Because she is behaving like a twat who has her head up her own arse??

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 12/01/2010 12:54

Details pleeeease

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2010 13:07

She has changed!!

Comes from a council estate yet has moved - to a not great part of the country - has nice house but really nothing you would gasp at yet acts like a real Mrs Bucket!

Saying she is embarrassed by members of her family because of the way they talk and act - she never had a problem with them before she met these new people - and they may swear and act a bit laddish but they are salt of the earth, good people who would do anything for you.

Has taken to talking to these friends in such a way that it makes me and the rest of her family cringe - using really funny voice and putting on a faux posh accent - I just can't get over it and she doesn;t even get embarrassed by it - she just says well they are very posh. They aren't though - they have more money than your avarage person and lots of kids with stupid names but they aren't posh - titled, gentry, private school types they really aren't!

Lots of things really this is just the main thing that I just really hate. I am not uncultured, we are not by any means poor and we speak properly we just don't speak as they do so I can't see why anyone would do that - and it is so obvious - her new friends have met her family and if I were them would think it really odd that the rest of the family speak normally but she throws really stupid phrases around like 'Oh really, that is frightfully bad luck!', and just stupod things like that.

I guess I never realised that that sort of thing mattered to her so much that she would change and really not for the better.

Do I sound bitter or like someone who just can't be bothered to put up with someone being a twat?

OP posts:
cathcat · 12/01/2010 13:19

How much does the friendship mean to you? Does it go a long way back?
A friendship is only worth dropping if you are not going to miss it. Maybe she needs you to keep her grounded?
Someone close to me has a very over the top way of speaking to people. I find it a bit much tbh but she has so many great points I have to turn a blind eye to it.

5Foot5 · 12/01/2010 13:23

Yeah she sounds like she is being a t**t!

At the same time, has she moved a long way away? Has she been there long? Peoples accents can gradually change without them really meaning to when this happens. When I went to Uni I made no concious effort to change my accent and didn't really notice that I had. Then at the end of one term when my Dad and BIL came to collect me one of my friends commented that my home accent became really strong as soon as they arrived. I honestly hadn't noticed it changing one way or the other but clearly it had. Also my DH now speaks quite differently to his brothers but he has lived in a different part of the world to them for 30 years.

From how you describe your friend though it does sound mostly affectation.

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2010 13:30

We go back to preschool, we live 30 moinutes aprt and I have always said that she is my BF - but I am not sure why - I have friends that have recently been so much more helpful, that I see far more often and that would never take on airs and graces to ingratiate themselves with people.

It is not her accent that has changed as she speaks to me how we have always spoken to each other - I think I sound middle england to be honest - not posh or really common - just normal - her voice she uses for the other people is just immediately put on when she is around them or speaking to them on the phone and she doesn't think that is at all strange or pretentious!

SHe has helped me through a major thing in my life - but even that she did grudgingly and I always feel as though that is why i am meant to be the one ringing etc but I have a job, a house, a DH and 2 DCs to look after, she has more kids than me but doesn't work.

OP posts:
Heqet · 12/01/2010 13:49

oh dear.

Was she a good person before all this?

Maybe she feels inferior, or judged by those she's around now and is desperate to be like them to fit in?

MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2010 13:54

Yes - she is a nice person and I never got the impression she felt inferior - the opposite I think - I just don't get why you would want to change so much to be friends with certain people who are, as DH put it complete and utter arses!

She doesn't even see how stupid she looks to the other people that really know her or maybe she just doesn't care in her quest to be liked by the in crowd.

OP posts:
MadameCastafiore · 12/01/2010 17:00

Oooooohhhh now am thinking maybe I sound a bit bitter!!

OP posts:
MitchyInge · 12/01/2010 17:08

that's really sad, her new friends must be able to tell that it is all affected?

Comewhinewithme · 12/01/2010 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Heqet · 12/01/2010 17:33

no, you don't sound bitter. I always feel that if someone doesn't bring joy to your life (so to speak) then you should cut them out. So if seeing someone makes you miserable - don't see them.

Now I know there are people you have to see. But they aren't as many as you think! Kids teacher, bank manager, father of your children, etc friends (and even relatives) - nope. If they bring you nothing but grief, then give them the big boot.

GhoulsAreLoud · 12/01/2010 17:34

I'm going to need to know what the stupidly named kids are called now.

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